


The Jock and The Rock Star

by pandariia



Series: Stories from Pelican Town [1]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Condoms, Domestic Fluff, Dominance, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Idiots in Love, Love Triangles, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Rough Kissing, Shameless Smut, Unrequited Love, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:21:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 59,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26497051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandariia/pseuds/pandariia
Summary: Edit: Hello all, it has been brought to my attention that making this story into a series is an asshole move when in fact it is a story with chapters. So sorry about that. I will make it into a series writing about the other characters if ya'll want it. Thank you for your support and understanding!Mari's boyfriend, Ryan, cheated on her with her best friend, leaving her feeling insecure and undesirable. She decides to leave Zuzu City behind and start a new life at a farm her grandfather left for her in Pelican Town. She makes quick friends with Sebastian, Abigail, and Sam, finally feeling like she was getting back on her feet. As everyone in town begins to pair up, Mari starts feeling lonely. She has a huge crush on Sam, but he's in love with someone else. She decides to pine away for him in secret, but it just makes her sadder. Eventually, she begrudgingly accepts the town playboy's offer to become friends with benefits. Mari soon finds out that there is a lot more than meets the eye when it comes to Alex the Jock.
Relationships: Alex/Female Player (Stardew Valley), Sam/Female Player (Stardew Valley)
Series: Stories from Pelican Town [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1926415
Comments: 61
Kudos: 92





	1. Let's Be Friends with Benefits

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! This is just a one-shot/short story about Mari and Alex becoming friends with benefits. I was originally writing a chapter fic, but I just couldn't justify filling it up with empty words. I like a slow burn romance, but I wanted to try something new, and I just like how flirty Alex is with the female farmer in the game. I thought that this would be an interesting dynamic to write about. This is the first time I write in the first person, and I think I like it because I get to be in Mari's head. It can also work as a reader insert kind of story too, I suppose. If this gets a lot of attention, I'll write another part. I had a great time writing this story. Hope you guys enjoy it! :)

I’d been living in Pelican Town for three months, just as Spring started. I left my soul-sucking job at JojaCorp, and decided to leave my entire life behind. Not that I really had one considering that all my free-time was eternally consumed with the need to sleep. It was probably the reason why my boyfriend at the time, Ryan, betrayed me. I shuddered as I thought about the day I left Joja. I found Ryan having sex with one of my best friends, Lena, in my own bed. I shook the thought away, focusing my thoughts on my new life. I’d gotten the hang of the farm Grandpa had left for me. For the most part. I still had a lot to learn, but I was having a great time figuring things out. 

It was the first week of Summer, and already I could feel the shift in energy throughout the town. All the townspeople had accepted me as one of their own, asking me for produce and favors. Their constant favors got in the way of doing my own work on the farm, but sometimes there was nothing more to do than to sit around and wait for the crops to grow so I just made myself useful. I still wasn’t any closer to my dream of running an organic, self-sufficient coffee house, but I was getting there. I still needed to clear out some debris and map out where I wanted things. On my days off, Sam, Sebastian, and Abigail hung out with me at the Saloon or they came over for a game night. On days on which Seb and Abby were out on a date, Sam and I hung out alone.

We’d become really great friends in the past few weeks, talking about music and playing video games. I felt relaxed and young again, which was a crazy thought considering we were all in our twenties. Moving to Pelican Town and leaving Zuzu City was the best decision I’d ever made. Meeting Sam was just the cherry on top. I’d developed a huge crush on him, but I didn’t want to rush into another relationship after Ryan. I still have yet to get over him completely, and I still haven't had any closure yet. I was too chicken to call him and talk about everything. Ever since I left Zuzu City, he’s called and texted me non-stop, saying that he still loved me and he missed me. I was pretty sure he was still with Lena though, so I never reached out to him. 

Sam helped me forget about Ryan every time we hung out. We’d lay in his bed talking about his dad, and his family. Or we would talk about Ryan and my past life. We got pretty deep into those conversations. The only reason I never made a move, aside from the whole Ryan thing, was that he was completely in love with Penny. He talked about her almost all the time, asking for my opinion about what to get her and if he should invite her over. I just gave him advice and encouraged him to ask her out, but he was apparently too shy. Funny, he never had that problem with me. I knew Penny liked him too, as she often asked for him when I went into town. Everyone in town grew up together, except for Leah and Elliot, so they all had history. Of course, it made sense for childhood friends to fall in love, so I resigned myself to liking Sam from afar. He and I would never have the history he and Penny had. Besides, I didn’t have time for boys anyway, there was too much to do. At least, that’s what I always told myself to keep from getting too bitter and lonely.

Sighing, I walked out of my cottage after having some coffee and a quick breakfast. It was time to get to work. I had to water the blueberries and clear out some more fallen trees and rocks. I was taking care not to cut all the grass on the property, as I’d read that it can be used to fill the grain silo. I was getting close to the point to where I could buy some chickens from Marnie. That would definitely up the profits the farm was making, especially when the Fall and Winter months were upon me.

A few grueling, sweaty hours later, I heard Alex’s voice come from behind me. “Hey, farm girl. Have you fallen for me yet?”

I didn’t even turn to look at him. Instead, I rolled my eyes, hating the nickname he, Haley, and Shane refused to stop using to refer to me. “It’s still Mari, Alex.”

I heard him snicker. “You’re just so cute when you’re angry,” he said. “I can’t help myself. I hope you have a bikini because you’re coming to the beach with us. You remembered that I like bikinis, right?”

“How could I forget?” I just kept pruning the blueberry patch that lay in front of my cottage. “You only mention it every time we see each other. Wouldn’t you rather see Haley in one?”

“Been there, done that,” he crooned cockily. “I need to add someone new to my visual collection.”

I finally got up from my knees, dusting myself off. “Gosh, you’re such a catch. How are you still single?” I asked sarcastically.

Alex smirked at me. “All this hotness can’t be contained, babe. Gotta share it with the world.” 

Crossing my arms, and planting my boots into the dusty ground, I leveled my gaze at him. “As much as I enjoy our little talks, why don’t you just tell me how I can help you?”

“Don’t be like that Mari.” As he said that, he sounded...sad? Annoyed? “Listen, a bunch of us are going to hang out at the beach all afternoon, then we’re gonna have a bonfire tonight. You should come.”

“‘A bunch of us’ meaning?” I inquired, arms still crossed.

“Meaning the normal group. Me, Haley, Penny, Sam, Abby, Seb, and you,” he answered, kicking at the ground.

“Oh wonderful, so I’ll be third--no--seventh wheeling?” I scoffed. “No thanks.”

“You’ll be going as my date,” he said confidently. “Wear something cute.”

“I don’t remember saying yes.” Yoba, he was annoying. “What about Haley?”

“Well, that’s the point. Let’s make her jealous. It’ll be fun.”

Ugh, did he never give up? “Not my style. Thanks though. If that’s all, I need to get back to work.”

After a few beats, Alex spoke up, annoyed. “When was the last time you got laid?”

“Excuse me?” I screeched. “What a rude thing to say.”

Alex smirked a shit-eating grin. Oh, how I would love to smack it right off his face. “I’m just asking. You seem tense all the time,” he replied. “I can help you with that if you want. You won’t be disappointed.”

Ew. “Thanks but no thanks. Wouldn’t want to keep you from your other ladies.”

He shrugged, still grinning, but I noticed a slight flush on his face. So much for being such a cocky womanizer. Why was he blushing anyway? If anyone had anything to be embarrassed about it was me. How could he ask such a question? Damn pervert.

“At least come to the campfire tonight. I’ll see you in a bikini soon enough.” He turned and began to walk away. “Beach. 7 PM,” he called back.

Alex was someone that I was initially interested in back when I’d first arrived. That is until he opened his mouth. Everything that came out of it was overly-flirtatious or cocky. Whenever I went into town to bring George some leeks, or Evelyn some flowers, he had something to say to me. Whether it was about gridball, or about working out, or about how much he loved girls in bikinis. I never really paid much attention to his ramblings. Yeah, he was hot, athletic, and confident but he was also a jerk. I didn’t need that kind of energy in my life. He reminded me a little bit too much of Ryan actually, and that was the main reason I avoided him. Besides, I had a crush on Sam. Screw Alex.

…

Against my better judgment, I went to the beach. Sue me. I wanted to see Sam, even though he would probably only be going because of Penny’s attendance. I know, I know. I’m being stupid by putting myself into that kind of situation. He’s just so hot, and not only that but so sweet and funny. As I changed into a white sundress, I felt a pang of loneliness hit me out of nowhere. Here I was dressing up for a boy who was in love with another girl. I couldn’t be any more pathetic than that. I grabbed a jean jacket, draping it over my shoulders to keep off the evening chill. The cool Spring breezes were still lingering just a little.

“Hey farm girl,” Haley called over from the fire as I walked up. “Didn’t know you’d be here. Did you finally get a boyfriend?”

Alex, Penny, Sam, Seb, and Abby shifted uncomfortably. In the limited light of the fire, their faces were cast with long shadows and apologetic glances.

I shook my head, giving her a mirthless smile. “Not yet. Don’t want any of your sloppy seconds.”

Haley scowled as Sam, Seb, and Abby giggled into their hands. Penny gave Sam a look that made him stop immediately. She wasn’t one for confrontation, even if the other person deserved it. When she looked away to continue her conversation with Abby, Sam gave me a sheepish smile. I smiled back, feeling a small thrill in the pit in my stomach.

“So,” Alex cut through the awkward din. “Which one of you ladies wants to start stripping? We’re going skinny dipping!”

Again, awkward silence. 

Sam spoke up, chiding Alex. “Dude, you always pitch that. Stop being a douchebag.”

Haley giggled, shifting closer over to Alex. “Besides, we all know that out of all the girls here, I look the best naked.”

I rolled my eyes so hard, I was surprised I didn’t launch them into orbit.

“Yoba, Haley,” Abby started. “Do you need to show everyone your tits?”

Haley gave her a poisonous smile. “Well, they are perfect.”

“Of course they are,” Seb shot at her. “The plastic surgeon you paid was a professional.”

Sam and I were the only ones who laughed out loud. Everyone else, except for Haley who glared at us, just looked down at the ground. After another few beats of silence, Abby grabbed Seb’s arm and pulled him away from the fire, and away from Haley’s wrath. Penny huffed away as well, obviously annoyed by the childishness going on. Sam followed after her, but not after mouthing a quiet “Sorry” to me. 

Penny was a soft girl. Whenever she wasn’t teaching Vincent and Jas, she was cleaning up her home, taking care of her drunk mother, or reading. I knew why she was the way she was, but I couldn’t stand it. As sweet as Penny was, I found her meek personality slightly annoying. And, if I was being honest, there was probably a good helping of jealousy mixed in there as well.

After everyone had scattered, I realized that I was left alone with Alex and Haley in the flickering light. Great. If it weren’t so painfully awkward, embarrassing and tense, the atmosphere would almost be romantic. 

“C’mon Alex,” Haley said. “Let’s go somewhere more private.”

Alex gave me a pleading look that I ignored. Kind of.

“Okay,” he said, letting himself be pulled away. “Lead the way babe.”

“Have fun alone, farm girl,” Haley called as she led him off. 

“Enjoy your tongue bath,” I spat back.

I wasn’t surprised that I sat abandoned next to the campfire. I came to this thing knowing full well it was a couple’s night but I still felt like an idiot. The small inkling of hope I had about the possibility of being with Sam romantically disappeared. As if he would forget about his long-time crush just because I wore a cute sundress and some makeup. Sam and I had so much fun together, and we hung out pretty much all the time, but that didn’t mean he liked me. I’d had platonic relationships with boys growing up, and I really tried to make this relationship like that too but it just wasn’t working. It’s my fault for putting myself through it. I was still too fragile from my break up with Ryan. Why did I think being around all these couples was a good idea?

There was a cooler of beer and liquor next to the fire and I decided to grab a bottle of rum. Popping the top, I took a deep swig. I coughed and sputtered, then took another, starting to feel fuzzy. I welcomed the numbness and walked closer to the seashore. I plopped myself down onto the gritty sand, not caring that I got it everywhere. Brisk seawater licked at my toes as I drank my sorrows away. I was a drunk, crying mess about a half-hour later.

“Mari?” Asked a voice next to me. “You okay?”

“Dandy,” I said, not looking over to see who it was. “Just me and my buddy Rum having a grand ol’ time.”

The person reached over to try and take the bottle from me, but I pulled it away. I took another swig, exhaling loudly and smacking my lips. The alcohol burned my throat, but I didn’t care. It was a small price to pay to keep from feeling completely worthless.

“Give me the bottle, Mari.” The voice was more forceful now. “Here, have some water instead.”

The stranger replaced the glass rum bottle with a plastic water bottle. I took a couple of drinks, but I still felt foggy. 

“Why were you crying?” The voice asked.

“I’m lonely,” I wailed stupidly. “Seeing everyone so in love just pisses me off. I miss Ryan. Just because he fucked Lena, doesn’t mean I should give up on him, right?”

“Uh,” the voice stammered. “Probably?” 

I felt my head start to clear a little with the water I was being forced to drink. As much as I wanted to keep drinking until I passed out, maybe getting blitzed on the beach where anyone could take advantage of me wasn’t such a good idea. Not that Pelican Town was a hot spot of criminal activity, but still.

“Just get with someone new,” the voice said. It was getting more familiar. “Take your mind off it.”

I shook my head. “Everyone’s paired off. And I’m not that kind of girl who steals boys away. I’ll leave that to Haley and Lena.”

The voice chuckled, then answered, “Well, I’m not paired off.”

I finally turned my head to look over at the stranger sitting next to me. In the paltry light of the faraway fire, I saw that it was Alex. Of course it was. Fucking perv. Why couldn’t it have been Sam?

“You and Haley are a thing. Besides, I said I didn’t want her sloppy seconds.”

“Ouch,” he winced. “Who would you want then?”

“I’m not tellin’ you,” I said snootily. “Why did you invite me anyway?”

Alex looked up at the starless sky, shrugging. “I figured maybe you and Sam could get together.”

“That would never happen.” I blushed hard, looking down at my toes. “What gave you the idea that me and Sam could be a thing?”

“I told you,” he said. “I know about women, babe.”

“Ugh, gross,” I exhaled, annoyed. “You probably heard it from the local gossip chain. Doesn’t anyone have anything better to do in this town anyway?”

“You should tell him.” He ignored my comment. “I can tell he likes you too.”

“As a friend,” I corrected. “He’s totally into Penny.”

“How do you know?” he asked, still looking up at the sky.

“He tells me all the time. We lay in his bed and talk about everything. Sometimes, I think he might kiss me but he never does.” I sighed again, the alcohol was mostly gone now. All that was left behind was the familiar throb of isolation and unfulfillment.

“Sorry,” he finally said after some silence. “That sucks.”

I gave him a confused look. “You’re kind of a good listener.”

Alex smiled at me. “You’re kind of welcome.”

Forget about being sober, I was drunker than I thought. I had to be. He was so close, smelled good and the dimple on his chin looked adorable. I felt myself leaning in toward him, wanting to be within his orbit.

“You smell nice,” I said. “Were your eyes always that green?”

“You’re drunk,” he answered, leaning in as well.

“Yeah.” I leaned in closer, our lips inches apart. His eyes piercing deep into me.

“Are you gonna kiss me?” He asked.

I pulled away. “Er, where’s Haley?”

“She went home,” he said simply.

“Why?” I asked, scooting away slightly.

He shrugged. “Dunno.”

“Why did you say you weren’t paired off?” I asked. “She seems to feel differently.”

He faltered, before admitting, “We have an agreement.”

“Like a friends with benefits situation?” I asked, my heart deflating for a reason I dared not think about. 

“Yeah,” he answered simply.

“Hm.”

“What?” He asked, a smirk forming on his full lips. “You jealous, babe? I’d much rather mess around with you.”

I elbowed him, rolling my eyes again for possibly the infinitieth time that day. “Stop.”

“Do you want to?” he asked, suddenly serious.

“Want to what?” My head was spinning. There was no way in hell I heard that right.

“Mess around with me?” He asked huskily. “Nothing serious. Just for fun. If Sam finally comes around, we can call the whole thing off.”

I blushed harder, crossing my arms. “Only if  _ you _ call it off with Haley and exclusively mess around with me. I don’t want any STDs.”

“Deal,” he answered, still serious.

“That was a joke you dumb jock.” Harsh, I know, but he caught me off guard. Yoba, I was still completely blitzed.

“Think about it,” he said quietly. “Let me know when you’re more clear-headed.”

“You’re serious?” I asked.

“I’ve been flirting with you since you got here, babe.”

“Okay, stop calling me babe. It’s Mari as you well know.”

“So,” he said. “Is that a yes?”

Damn it. Loneliness panged at me again. He was so hot and sexy, and so  _ close _ . He was the one offering, meaning he was the one who would be rejected if I said no. Even before coming to Pelican Town, I was having a dry spell. All the work I was doing for JojaCorp left me emotionally drained and exhausted. When I got home, all I wanted to do was soak in the tub and watch cat videos. I’d thought about buying myself a toy to tame the fire that had been roaring in me since Sam and I started hanging out alone, but maybe this would be better. It wasn’t anything serious, and we were both adults. The more I thought about it, the more it sounded like a good idea. 

“I’m blitzed, dude,” was what came out of my mouth next. “This has to be in my head.”

He laughed, a husky throaty sound that I felt in my belly. “Forget it.”

“I’m gonna go home,” I said, standing up. “I need some sleep.”

“I’ll walk you,” Alex answered.

“You don’t have to.”

“Too bad, babe,” he said, teasingly. “I’m not letting you out of my sight while you’re like this.”

“Ugh.”

…

Sam took my face in his hands and kissed me fiercely, making my lips go up in flames. He tasted like Joja Cola, and his hands were strong but gentle on my waist. I pressed my body into his, closing the gap between us as I kissed him back, moaning softly. He’d finally kissed me. Finally. I was over the moon as he continued to make out with me, softly opening his mouth to touch his tongue to mine. His hands ran up and down my back, and soon he was trying to undress me. When I opened my eyes, Sam’s face was replaced with Alex’s. 

My eyes flew open a second time, a harsh gasp tearing itself from my lungs. My subconscious had played a cruel trick on me. What an asshole. My head was pounding with an absolute monster of a headache, and my tongue felt like a dried sponge. I was hungover, which was to be expected, what with my bender from last night. I didn’t want to work today, I just wanted to curl up and die while forcing water and food into my system. The good thing about working for yourself was that you could give yourself a day off. The bad thing about working for yourself on a farm was that you still had to water the crops. I had to get up anyway, as much as I didn’t want to.

As I left my room (how did I even get in here?) I heard the tell-tale patter of rain outside. Thank Yoba, a day of rest. I went to brew a pot of very strong coffee and wrangle up some much-needed breakfast when I noticed a note next to the coffee maker.

It read:

_ Hangover cure: Two aspirins, a hearty breakfast, and a beer. _

_ Text me if you want to give my proposal a try. _

_ Alex _

On the back of the note, he had scrawled his number in his surprisingly neat handwriting. He’d also drawn a winky face. I wracked my brain, searching for memories about last night’s bonfire. They came back in broken hazes. Haley and I had a nice conversation, everyone had coupled up and disappeared, leaving me alone, Sam came and talked to me. No, not Sam. Alex. I was drinking heavily and Alex found me crying. How embarrassing. I wondered if he’d tried any funny business but thought better of it. Alex said pervy things and could be kind of a jerk, but I didn’t think he was rapey. 

Suddenly, my memory snapped into perfect focus. Alex has asked me if I wanted to try out being a friend with benefits. The thought turned me on more than I thought it would, but I chalked that up to the alcohol that hadn’t fully left my body. I turned my brain toward the task at hand: breakfast. Everything else could wait until later.

A couple of hours later, after ignoring my raging hormones and taking a nap, I found myself staring at the note Alex left me. I could tell him no. I didn’t have to take his offer. I could retain my dignity and keep pining away for Sam in secret. My loins were screaming at me to text Alex and have him come over, but, with significant effort, I ignored them. I don’t know why I was so hesitant to say yes. Maybe it was because I felt a little dirty thinking about the situation. Maybe it was because Haley had her claws in Alex first. Or maybe it was because I was still hoping that Sam would come to his senses, barge in through that door, and ask me to be with him. 

I’d made my decision. Grabbing my phone, I sunk into my couch and drafted a text to send Alex.

_ Hey Alex, it’s Mari. About your proposal, I have a few terms. _

I pressed send and buried my face into a pillow, feeling my face burn with embarrassment. What the hell was I doing? I was definitely thinking with my lady parts than with my head. 

Almost immediately, Alex responded back.

_ Deal. _

I chuckled, typing.

_ I haven’t even told you what they are yet. _

Ping! Another quick answer from Alex.

_ Coming over now. _

A small bubble of panic filled me as I shot off another text.

_ No. WAIT! _

No quick answer, meaning he was already well on his way here. The small bubble of panic burst into a full blown attack. I jumped off from the couch and quickly began to tidy up. Alex had never been inside my place before, and I wanted to leave a good first impression. Luckily, the cottage was small and I’d had to downsize and get rid of a lot of things when I moved in. Before I could agonize over what I should wear, there was a heavy knock at my door that cut through the sound of heavy rain.

“Coming!” I all but ran to the door, stuffing my dirty clothes into a quick wash.

I opened the door and there stood Alex, glistening with rain. He wore a heavy, green raincoat and boots.

“You okay?” He asked, smirking. “You look...out of breath?”

I forced my breathing to even out and leaned against the door frame. “Y-Yeah. Doing great, just uh, didn’t expect you to come so soon.”

Alex chuckled and looked past me, then focused his eyes back onto mine. “Can I come in?”

I blanched, and nodded, moving out of his way. “Sure, of course.”

Alex left his heavy boots and coat out on a chair I kept on the porch. What a considerate action. I chalked it up to Evelyn’s doing, she probably ran a tight ship.

“Thanks,” he said as he walked past me. “Nice place you got. Have any ghosts?”

I rolled my eyes and closed the door just as a crack of thunder sounded. It made me jump a little, but I regained my composure. “Why does everyone ask me that?”

Alex was standing awkwardly in my tiny living room, hands in his pockets and looking around. The place was quite dark as there was only a small window in the kitchen, and it was pouring outside. I walked over to turn on a small lamp, and stood next to him, equally as awkward.

“Do you want anything to drink?” I asked.

He shook his head, and gave me a smile. “No thanks.”

Okay, this was starting to get unbearable. “Please, sit down.”

“Thanks.” He sat down on the couch gingerly, folding his hands on his lap.

I sat down next to him, albeit a little farther than was polite. I felt uneasy and shy, trying to figure out a way to broach the subject we were texting about. Being face to face was more excruciating than I thought.

“So,” I started.

“What were your terms?” He asked, businesslike. Strange.

I cleared my throat and laughed nervously. “I guess we’re just going straight into it then. Great. Uh, my terms...hm.”

“You don’t know?” He teased. “Or am I making you nervous?”

I felt my leg begin to bounce up and down, as it often did when I was nervous. “Sorry, I’ve never done this before. It feels...dirty.”

Alex gave me a smug smile and snickered. “Well, it kind of is.”

“How are you so comfortable with this?” I suddenly felt annoyed. “Are you that much of a man-whore?”

Alex’s smile vanished, it was replaced with a sympathetic look. “It’s true that I’m quite experienced, especially because of what happened in my past. I promise that you will be calling the shots, and that I will do everything you ask. Just tell me your terms and if it doesn’t work out we can pretend this never happened. Okay?”

He sounded sincere enough when he spoke, and his kind smile set me at ease. I had been too harsh on him. When we were alone, he was kind of a nice guy. Almost anyway. 

“Okay,” I sighed. “So, my terms are this. We are going to get tested for STDs, we are going to use condoms, and this is going to stay between us. Oh, and I wasn’t joking about the whole exclusive thing. I’m serious about wanting to be the only person you do...this with.”

Alex nodded. “Cool. Are you on birth control?”

I blushed at how forward he was. “Yes.”

“Then what’s the condom for?”

“Just in case. Do you really wanna be stuck with me if we have a kid?” 

“Fair enough,” he replied, raising his hands in surrender. “Anything else?”

I looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. “Those were my main concerns. Do you have any terms?”

“Well, I just have some questions,” he said. “Though, they are a little...personal.”

I chuckled and settled myself into the couch in a more comfortable position. “We’re discussing a possible sexual relationship. It was bound to get personal.”

“It was just a heads up,” he laughed. “Are you okay with giving oral sex?”

I flushed and nodded. 

“Kissing and or making out?”

“Yes.”

“Sending and or receiving nudes?”

“Uh, sure?”

Alex laughed. “You can say no.”

“It’s just...been a while since I’ve done any of those things.” I felt silly being so embarrassed. He was being respectful and asking for my limits. 

“Alright,” he said, continuing. “What about anal?”

I felt my jaw drop. Ryan used to pester me about anal all the time, and I was always too afraid because of all the horror stories I’d read about and heard. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to jump into something like that so quickly.

“I can tell by your face that’s a no,” he said, smiling. “That’s alright. I just want to get a sense as to what I can and can’t do.”

I gulped and looked down at my hands, twiddling my fingers. “Not a no, just caught off guard. Um, can we put a pin in that one?”

Alex gave me a charged look, nodding. “Sure.”

“Something’s bugging me though,” I started.

“Hm?”

“Well.” I was stalling, trying to keep from saying it. “Are you okay with...well, er….”

Alex smirked, waiting patiently for me to ask him, the ass. He seemed to be enjoying watching me squirm.

“You asked if I was okay with giving oral, but not about receiving,” I finally said. “Do you...not do that?”

“The only thing I don’t do is suck toes, lick armpits, or anything else that’s gross,” he admitted, not even the slightest bit ashamed. 

I giggled. “Armpits?”

“Don’t ask,” he said, rolling his eyes. 

We were silent for a couple of moments, thinking about everything we’d talked about. As awkward as it had started, it wasn’t so bad now. Alex strangely made me feel at ease about the whole thing. I suppose it was all that experience he bragged about. 

“Alex?” There was something else I needed to ask him.

“Yeah?”

“How are you so comfortable with all this?” The question just poured out of me. “It almost feels like a job interview.”

He threw his head back and laughed again. He was even more handsome when he laughed. Damn.

“Sex is easy,” he explained. “It’s being vulnerable that’s hard.”

“Wouldn’t you say that having sex can make you vulnerable?” I asked, scooting closer to him.

“Not in my experience, no.” His green gaze met mine. “I never let myself get attached, that way it’s less messy. Girls talk to me about their problems, and I give them insight as to what guys might be thinking but that’s about it. They get over their exes or move on and that’s it. It’s just casual sex.”

I nodded, taking in everything he said. Usually, the thought of being used or using someone else for pleasure was a huge turn-off. However, I wasn’t in the headspace for a long-term relationship anyway. At least not with Alex. And if Sam did come around, I didn’t want it to be a rebound kind of thing anyway. If Sam and I did end up getting together, I would definitely want  _ that _ to be long-term.

“Are you still in?” Alex asked, giving me a serious look. “You can totally say no, and we can go back to normal.”

“Normal as in you keep cat-calling me and I keep ignoring you?” I teased. 

He smirked. “If that’s what you want.”

I gulped and took a deep breath. “Let’s just give it a try. Like you said, if it doesn’t work out then we’ll pretend like nothing happened.”

He smiled kindly. “And if Sam does decide to ask you out instead of Penny, I’ll back off. Deal?” He outstretched his tanned hand.

I looked at his hand, then gripped it. It was strong and warm, the same grip I imagined Sam having when I fantasized about him. “Deal.”

…

We set our first “date” for the weekend, that way we had time to visit Harvey, get tested, and get our results. We agreed that if neither of us was clean, that we wouldn’t go through with it. The gross, depraved sex fiend inside me prayed for the tests to come back negative so we could get to business. The more rational part of me was apprehensive and nervous. I was more anxious about the thought of having sex with Alex for the first time than if it was just a regular old date. Ryan and I didn’t get intimate until we were a month into dating, and even then I thought that was too soon. 

I thought about my relationship with Ryan. Our sex life became non-existent as soon as I left my retail job and started working for Joja Corp. He would try to come on to me, but I never was feeling it. Looking back, I understood why he’d cheated on me with Lena, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Why couldn’t he just have jerked off and saved us the trouble? When I quit Joja, I wanted Ryan to move with me. I wanted to marry him and have us start our own business and maybe have kids. Thinking back, that probably wouldn’t have helped our relationship. I probably would’ve signed myself up for misery.

Ryan could be very selfish, especially in bed. He often left his shoes lying around, causing me to almost always trip over them. He flirted with everyone and everything (should have been a dead giveaway), and he never wiped the seat after he peed. These things were probably petty annoyances, but they took their toll on me. They probably were the reason I didn’t feel up to being intimate with him in the first place. If he’d put my pleasure before his own maybe it could have been different. 

No point in thinking about it now, I suppose. Now that I lived in Pelican Town, I had Sam to think about, and now, Alex. Alex with his army green eyes and tanned skin. Alex with his throaty laugh and toned muscles. Alex and his secret sweet side that I didn’t know about. I had judged him fairly accurately at first. He was looks-conscious and a flirt, but I didn’t know he could be considerate. If only he could be like that in public, maybe I’d be inclined to change my mind about Sam.

I shook that thought out of my head. No one compared to Sam. At least, not anyone that I had ever met. We were on the same wavelength, had the same tastes in music and video games. Hell, we even made the same stupid dad jokes. Alex was probably right. I should just tell Sam how I feel and let the chips fall where they may. I shook that thought from my head too. I didn’t need that kind of rejection, and I didn’t want to ruin the friendship Sam and I shared.

This whole friends with benefits thing had complicated my relationship (if you could call it that) with Haley as well. I guessed Alex broke off their agreement and she was taking it out on me. She treated me worse than ever, still using her derogatory nickname of “farm girl” for me in an even nastier tone. She constantly made up rumors about me (the latest one Abby told me about was that I had a sex change operation), and made fun of my clothes. For a college-age girl, she sure as hell acted like a 7th grader. Most of the group ignored her, but some of the rumors spread out to the elders in the town and I often got asked strange questions. 

I just hoped that by paying her no mind and not engaging she would get bored and move on to something or someone else. I didn’t want her slander to mess up the business I was trying to cultivate. If it got any worse, I would have to confront her about it, and knowing me, it wouldn’t be pretty. Lena used to call me a walking volcano because I had the tendency to blow up when I was pushed too far. Ugh, Lena. I forced her from my mind. I had better things to think about than Lena and her boyfriend stealing tendencies. 

Toward the end of the week, my results from Harvey’s clinic came back negative. Like I said before, I’ve been on a dry spell for almost a year. Even though I knew they would come back clean, I did one anyway for my peace of mind. Don’t want anything Lena might have been carrying. It also seemed like the considerate thing to do, especially because Alex had agreed to do it himself. I had thrown out the suggestion to throw him off, thinking that a playboy like him might be turned off by the prospect. He certainly was full of surprises. I wonder how many more I’ll discover?

I sent off a picture of my results to Alex, hoping that his would come back negative as well. Immediately, I got a response. 

_ Nice, I got the same. _

Attached to that message was a picture of his results showing that they were in fact negative. My heart fluttered as I read it, and I felt a throb down below. My body was reacting to the news in a very squirmy way. 

My phone pinged with another notification from Alex. A picture of him shirtless, holding a box of condoms stared back up at me. The attached message read:

_ Ready for this weekend? ;)  _

The throbbing in my panties grew, and I could feel slickness starting to coat them. I studied the picture he had sent me. He had obviously finished working out, as his torso was glistening with sweat. His green eyes were hooded, and that smarmy smirk that I was starting to like was carved into his lips. I zoomed in on the box of condoms, noting the size. Medium. I’ve never seen a guy be so honest about being average. If anything, the fact that he was touting his averageness turned me on a lot more than his jacked body. His body was just the cherry on top of a really sexy, and apparently thoughtful, sundae.

I sent a message back.

_ Can’t wait :) _

…

The night finally came when Alex was slated to come over. It couldn’t be at his place, or George and Evelyn might hear. Not that they would mind having me over (George was grateful for all the leeks I had brought him), but because the thought of them overhearing us was just embarrassing. Also, it was just trashy.

I tried to get the house ready and in the mood, but it felt silly buying candles and wine for casual sex. I ended up just tidying up the place and keeping the lights dim. Stupidly, I wore a short black dress that I usually reserved for dates. I supposed this was a date, so the garment fit the bill. It was a casual off the shoulder dress that fell a couple of inches above my knees. Underneath I wore my only matching bra and panty set, a floral black number. I’d even put on a little bit of makeup, though I kept it natural. I found myself constantly straightening out things that were already straightened. The pillows on my bed were fluffed to perfection, the white duvet didn’t have a single crease in it. Soft ambient music played, making the atmosphere romantic. I decided the music made things go overboard, so I turned it off. As I did, I heard a knock on the door. 

It was time.

“Come in,” I called.

I’d left the door unlocked so I wouldn’t seem too eager to meet him. I also needed a couple more seconds to compose myself. I heard the door open then close, and the sound of Alex chuckling. I don’t know what he could possibly find funny, but at least he was relaxed which was more than I could say. 

I walked out of my bedroom after a few deep breaths, smiling as if this was just another normal night. “Hey.”

Alex was wearing his normal outfit composed of jeans, his green gridball jacket, paired with a white shirt and white sneakers. He looked better than usual, almost sparkly. 

“Hey,” he said, smiling. “You look great.”

I blushed, kicking at the floor. “Thanks, so do you.”

He walked over to me, handing me a wild daisy, and taking my hand with the other. “Relax, babe. I won’t bite. Not hard at least.”

Usually, I would stop him in his tracks and tell him to call me by my first name, but the way he’d spoken to me...I almost melted from his husky tone. “Er...thank you for the flower. It’s beautiful, but you didn’t have to.”

He was still gripping my hand gently, rubbing his thumb across the back of it. The feeling made my legs quiver. I had been more starved for human touch than I initially thought. “You don’t like it? I can bring you a rose next time if you like.”

I shook my head and smiled at the daisy, smelling it. “No, it’s not that. I just...don't want to confuse myself, that’s all.”

Alex gave me an understanding look and pulled me toward the couch. “No problem. No more flowers.”

He was still doing that gentle motion on my hand, trying to help me relax I guessed. “So, uh, how do you wanna do this?”

Alex shook his head, taking my other hand. “Just relax. We have all weekend. Besides, you look like you’re about to run out that door.”

I felt my head spin and panic rise in my throat. He was right, I felt my fight-or-flight response being triggered and I didn’t know why. I tried to force myself to calm down. Alex hadn’t done anything to merit that kind of response. He was speaking in a soothing tone and his smile was easy and warm. It’s not like he was pressuring me into doing anything. 

“Tell me why you’re freaking out,” he whispered, scooting closer to me so he could lean my head on his shoulder.

I swallowed hard and closed my eyes, breathing in his scent of aftershave and sea salt. “The last time I had sex was almost a year ago,” I whispered. “And my ex-boyfriend cheated on me. I guess I’m just feeling...insecure.”

Alex respectfully kept his hand on my shoulder as my head was on his. His other hand was still rubbing soft circles on the back of my hand. “Well, you don’t have to worry about the cheating thing. I’ll honor my side of the bargain, but you really have nothing to worry about there. We’re just messing around, okay?”

I nodded, feeling a little bit more at ease. I suddenly felt silly for freaking myself out. We were supposed to be having fun, not a therapy session. “Okay.”

“What else?” he asked patiently. I didn’t know this side of Alex existed. He would make someone a great boyfriend. 

“That you won’t like my body,” I whispered sheepishly. “Like I said, it’s been a while since I shared myself with someone.”

He moved us so that he could look me in the eyes. “You look pretty tonight, Mari. If you dressed like this more often, I would be hard-pressed to stay away from you.”

I rolled my eyes and gave him a playful shove. “How romantic.”

Alex smirked. “Do you want me to be romantic, or do you want me to be dominant?”

I blushed again, looking down. “Can you be a mix of both? And maybe call me...princess?”

It was a secret fantasy of mine, one that I never even told Ryan. It was silly and cliche, but I always thought it was hot. Alex’s husky voice would make it sound even hotter.

Alex’s smirk deepened. “Final thing. The safeword I use is gridball, okay?”

Again, I pushed him, giggling. “Of course it is. Yeah, okay.”

Apparently, the time for talk was over because Alex placed a gentle kiss on my lips. It was like he was gauging how far and how forceful he could be with me. He really was good at this. I wondered how much practice he’d had, but decided not to explore that thought. It might lead to some unpleasant feelings. 

He pulled away, looking at me, asking with his eyes if it was okay to keep going. In answer, I pressed my lips against his, a little more forcefully than he did. He didn’t disappoint, and reciprocated my kiss with equal fervor. His hands roamed my back, making their way down to the small my back and stopping there. I felt his tongue lick my bottom lick, a question. I opened my mouth, letting my tongue meet his. He tasted like cinnamon, a surprising discovery. It heightened my senses and made my arms wrap around his neck. 

He pulled away as I tried to taste more of him, chuckling. “Someone’s eager. Have you been wanting to kiss me since we met?”

“Shut up,” I growled, tangling my fingers in his hair and kissing him again. “Keep touching me.”

With another chuckle, he continued to make out with me deliciously. His hands continued to roam around my waist and up my sides, then back down. He was making me feel warmer and warmer, his touches were almost teasing. One of my own hands was tangled in his brown hair, while the other moved down his sculpted chest and to his hard stomach. Before I could dip my hand into his shirt, he pulled away.

“I’m sorry,” I said, panting. “Did I do something wrong?”

Alex just smirked and stood up. I noticed the bulge in his jeans since I was sitting at eye-level with it. Without a word, he pulled me up with one arm and threw me over his shoulder.

I kicked the air, concerned. “Hey, what are you doing?”

Alex laughed and effortlessly made his way to my room. Being in this position told me two things: he was really listening when I asked him to be both romantic and domineering and that I was really, really wet. He gently tossed me onto the bed, then took off his jacket and shoes. When I sat up to reach over and help him with his pants, he stopped me. 

I gave him a confused look and he took my chin in his hand, kissing me. “Not yet, princess.”

The use of the nickname I’d asked him to use made more slickness coat my panties. He carefully pushed me back down onto the bed, kissing me deeply. He then moved his lips down my neck, slowly making his way over to my bare shoulders. The action made me shudder. I was fully prepared to accept a quick and dirty fuck, but Alex was really taking his time. I didn’t know why he was, but I wasn’t complaining. I didn’t want it to stop. 

And Alex didn’t stop, he continued to kiss my bare skin. Now he was kissing my thighs, slowly inching my dress up. His hands felt hot against my skin and he caressed my naked flesh, and I gripped the sheets to keep myself from moaning. He was too good at what he was doing. Or maybe it had just been too long. I’m sure it was a mixture of both. Suddenly, none of that mattered when I felt his nose graze against my wet panties. 

I heard him sniff, and then he emerged from between my thighs. “So wet already?”

I was breathing hard, wanting him to continue what he was doing. “I told you. Besides, you’re really good.”

I didn’t want to stroke his ego, I really didn’t, but I couldn’t help but be honest. He was driving me wild, and I felt like I would turn into a ravenous sex beast any minute.

Alex raised an eyebrow suggestively, his muscular hand reaching down between my thighs. His thumb grazed over my mound, slowly. My hips bucked up by their own accord, giving me away. Fuck, that felt so good. 

“Hm,” he hummed. “You’re quite sensitive, aren’t you princess?”

Goosebumps appeared on my legs as he continued to just graze the sensitive bud hidden away behind a prison of silky cloth. My back arched slightly, and I gripped the sheets harder. 

“A-Alex,” I whimpered. “Please.”

Alex pulled his hand away, the asshat, and settled down to lay next to me. He pulled me into another burning kiss, and I could feel the shit-eating grin he wore on my lips. So that’s how he wanted to play, huh? I felt confidence rise in me, and I pulled away, straddling him. I took one of his hands and kissed his fingers, then his palm, then down his wrist and back up. I met his gaze the entire time, grinding my soaked panties against his ever-growing bulge. His green eyes were hooded with lust, and he bit his bottom lip, trying to hide a smile. Yoba, he was so sexy. How could anyone be that sexy?

“You really want it, huh princess?” He asked, lifting his hips to meet mine. “Why don’t you beg for it?”

I shook my head, grinding against him and leaning forward to kiss his neck. He sighed as I made contact with his burning flesh. I kissed his Adam’s Apple, then up his jaw to his chin, and finally back to his soft lips. His tongue met mine again, momentarily distracted by my bold action. 

He then tangled his legs with mine and flipped us so he was on top again. He pressed his muscular body against mine, still kissing me fiercely. He was leaving me breathless, and I couldn’t get enough of the feeling. I reached a hand into the waistband of his jeans, touching the soft skin beneath. I heard Alex hiss in my ear, and he pulled my hand away for the second time that night. He took both my wrists in his hands and pinned them on either side of my head. 

“Beg,” he growled. 

His lips were a little red from my lip stain, but it just made him look even hotter. I tried to pry my hands from his grasp, but he was a lot stronger than me. Why would I try to pick a fight with a guy who was training to be a professional gridball player? I pressed my hips against him, feeling another surge of juices gush out of me. 

“Please Alex,” I moaned. “Please stop teasing me.”

Alex smirked again, pressing his bulge against my core. “Was that so hard?”

He was still teasing me, the bastard. I couldn’t do anything from my position though, not that I really wanted to. This alpha male energy was getting me soaked and my nipples erect. Alex let go of my wrists, and moved his hands back to the hem of my dress. He pulled it off of me, throwing it aside as he let his eyes roam over the newly bared flesh before him. 

“This is way better than seeing you in a bikini,” he said. 

I giggled, liking the way he stared at my body. I didn’t feel self-conscious at all, instead, I felt desired and attractive. “How so?”

Alex placed his hands on my breasts, kneading them gently. “I wouldn’t be able to touch you otherwise.”

I blushed as he continued to play with my breasts. He tweaked my nipples through the thin fabric, smirking as I whimpered. “You’re a pervert.”

“You like it,” he groaned, then kissed me again. 

Once again we were making out, and now he played with my breasts. I had the feeling he was trying to prolong the excitement, and it was making me crazy. I just wanted him inside me. I needed release. My hands reached up into his shirt, touching his abs, his pecs, his waist. He hissed again as I dug my nails into his back and pressed him closer to me. He really knew how to react and make a girl feel sexy and wanted. It turned me on so much, it was almost criminal.

He pulled away, sitting up to take his shirt and jeans off. He wore the tightest black boxer briefs, perfectly showcasing his erection. I bit my lip as I stared at his sculpted body, feeling more aroused than before. Ryan was athletic, but not to this level. I like to cuddle, so I prefer a soft body to curl up next to. Alex was the exception however, he was solid and firm beneath my grasp. Being thrown around like a ragdoll was something I didn’t know I liked until he’d done it.

Instead of kissing me again, Alex moved to sit between my legs. His hands inched up past my knees, to my thighs. They were so warm, they left goosebumps in their wake. I tried to close my legs, but he just pushed them open again, running fingers gently up the inside of them. I sat up on my elbows to look at him, my chest rising and falling at a rapid pace. 

“Are you trying to get me to beg again?” I whispered.

Alex chuckled, his fingers trailing the hem of my panties. “Maybe.”

I groaned with frustration. “Please. I want it so bad.”

Alex hooked a finger into the waistband of my panties, and slowly inched them down past my hips. “I was just having some fun, but if you want it to be over already I can just get down to business.”

Oh, that’s mean. As much as I wanted him to rail me until I couldn’t feel my legs, I was curious as to what he had in mind. “You’re devious, you know that?”

Alex pulled my panties clean off, staring at my womanhood. I had shaved it earlier, thinking he liked hairless women. The way in which he smirked told me he was pleased. He ran a finger up my slit, light as a feather. I shivered, finally feeling some relief from my arousal. He did the same movement again and again, watching my face. My hips bucked up, trying to create more friction between his hand and my burning mound. Finally, he decided to focus those feather-light touches on my clit.

I moaned loudly, rubbing my breasts through my bra and looking down at Alex through my eyelashes. How did he know just where he needed to touch me? Fuck, he was starting to rub me just a little harder now. My hips were jostling on their own now, and he had to keep a strong hand on my stomach to keep me from moving too much. 

“I’m getting close,” I moaned. “Ah.”

Alex stopped and moved to lean over me. I kissed him hungrily, tangling my fingers into his hair and moving my hips against his. He ground himself against me as well, groping my breasts. My bra was ripped off of me, and he took one of my nipples into his mouth. I was still very close to the edge and slipped a hand between us to see if I could topple myself over it. I couldn’t handle the teasing anymore. 

“Not yet,” he whispered, biting down on a nipple. “Patience, princess.”

I whimpered but removed my hand. It was immediately replaced with his bulging erection. He still wore those tight briefs, and I reached down to grope his tight ass. Alex pressed himself harder into me as I did, and moved his head to my other nipple. He still tugged at the one he left behind, however, the sensitive bud getting more erect. The sheets were soaked beneath me, and my thighs were up in flames. I tried to be patient like he asked, but his mouth was doing delicious things to my nipples, and he was just so hard against me. I had forgotten just how good sex could be, or maybe sex with  _ Alex _ was just this good. I hoped that he wouldn’t spoil me for the next person I eventually ended up with.

Finally, he shifted so he could take off his underwear. He reached down to the ground and reached into his jacket pocket, unfurling a pack of condoms. He’d come well prepared, and the sight made me squirm in excitement. I wouldn’t get it just once this weekend. He placed the pack on my nightstand and took one for himself. Once he was fully sheathed, he gripped my thighs and opened my legs. 

“Ready?” He asked.

I nodded eagerly, biting my lower lip. 

Alex placed my knees over his shoulders and plunged himself into me. I was well lubricated from all the foreplay, so it wasn’t even uncomfortable. He moved his hips slowly, sensually, building up the tension again. His lips barely left mine as he thrust into me, over and over. He felt so good that the need to cum had become overwhelming. I was drowning in ecstasy, ready to tumble over the edge of bliss. The familiar feeling of my orgasm coiled in my belly. I dug my fingers into Alex’s back and arched my back wanting to feel every inch of him inside me. I’m sure I was a loud, sloppy, moaning mess but he just kept moving at that infuriating pace.

Alex started moving faster and harder, letting one of my legs fall back onto the bed. The other was still over his shoulder, letting him reach deep inside of me. He was groaning loudly, biting and kissing my neck and shoulders furiously. His pace became more hurried and hectic as if he was getting close too. I couldn’t wait for him to get there, however, and I felt the coil release.

“Cum for me, princess,” he growled right into my ear.

My orgasm intensified as he spoke those words, and I screamed and thrashed as he continued to pound into me. I felt my walls clench around him, milking him for all he had. With another two pumps, Alex shuddered and fell forward, catching himself with his strong arms. I could feel his throbs mix with mine, a delicious ache that I’d forgotten I loved. Alex had me caged in his arms again, breathing hard, a light sheen of sweat on his brow. He was so handsome and his smile was brilliant as he remained sheathed inside me. The sex had felt incredible with a condom, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like without one. A secret part of me wanted to find out but the logical part of me didn’t want to accidentally end up pregnant.

“You okay?” He asked. I felt him twitch inside me.

I was suddenly bashful and looked away. “Yes.”

Alex kissed me one more time, a sweet, gentle kiss. He then pulled himself out gently and went to clean up. I just laid there, feeling too relaxed, and too good to move. My breathing returned to normal and I felt more energized and happier than I’d felt in months. This had been way better than a therapy session.

“Hey,” he said, holding a small washcloth. “Wanna clean up?”

I nodded, getting up and going to the bathroom to take care of myself. As much as I wanted to bask in the feeling of my orgasm, I really had to pee. After doing my business, and primping myself back up, I put on a fluffy robe and stepped back out into my room. 

Alex was still naked, laying on my bed and scrolling on his phone. 

“I thought you would be long gone,” I said, surprise staining my voice.

He laughed, putting his phone down. “I can go if you want.”

“No,” I said too quickly. “I mean, I’m not kicking you out. I just always thought that booty calls ended abruptly.”

He patted the bed next to him, and I joined him without hesitation. “I like to cuddle. Besides, we’re friends with benefits. Being friends comes with the benefit part.”

I giggled, scooting closer toward his warmth. “I guess you’re right.”

“How was your introduction back to the world of sex?”

“Ew,” I chided playfully. “Don’t say it like that.”

Alex pulled me closer into his embrace, one of his hands wandering toward my breasts again. “So you liked it?”

I blushed, nodding. “Yes. A lot.”

He squeezed a nipple gently. “Good.”

My body was starting to heat up again, but I ignored it. “Haven’t you had enough?”

Alex took his hands away, placing them on my waist. “Have you?”

“I asked you first.”

He chuckled again, pulling away slightly. “No, I haven’t, but if you’re tired we can stop.”

I nuzzled up into his hard chest, listening to his heart beat steadily. “Can we stay like this for a while?”

“Whatever you want, princess,” he answered. His voice sounded gravelly in his chest and made it vibrate.

“You don’t have to call me princess anymore.” I felt embarrassed again. “It was just a silly fantasy of mine. Thanks for fulfilling it.”

“How about I call you princess when it’s just you and me?” 

I giggled and rested my head on my hand, looking up at him. “Do you have anything you like to be called?”

He flushed, remaining silent.

My giggle turned into a guffaw. “Oh my gosh, you do! Tell me!”

“Careful, or I’ll punish you,” he said, still blushing hard. “Do you want that?”

I was on fire again as lust coursed through my veins and down to my clit. I was ready for another round, especially if he was going to keep talking to me like that.

“N-No,” I stammered out.

He smirked, putting on that cocky persona again. “Oh, I think you do, princess.”

_ I definitely do _ , I thought to myself. “I’m sorry, I won’t ask again.”

Alex leaned down to nibble my neck. “You remember the safeword?”

I nodded, exhaling hard as he continued to nibble my neck and now my shoulder. His expert hands had already undone my robe, and he was slipping it off me. 

“Good,” he purred. “You might need it.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Why Are We Going on a Beach Date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: It was brought to my attention that I was being kind of an asshole by making the story a series when in fact it's just a continuation of the same story. So I compiled everything into one story with multiple chapters. Sorry, everyone! 
> 
> Summary: Mari is in love with Sam, but is he in love with her? Alex asks her on a date, and now she's confused. What will she do now? All she wanted to do was tend to her blueberries and be left alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Sorry this took so long. School and writers block are a hell of a thing. This is part two! Thanks so much for reading, hope you like it.

Alex and I were a panting, sweaty mass of limbs by the time 1 AM rolled around. I was finally satisfied, and a little sore, but completely content. As we cleaned ourselves up for the third time that night, I decided that just wiping myself down wasn’t enough.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” I told Alex, stepping into the stall. “You’re welcome to hang out though.”

“Can I join you?” He asked, a teasing tone coloring his words. “Maybe I can help you.”

I blushed, closing the curtain with a huff. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

Alex opened the curtain, letting a gust of cool air come in. “So, that’s a yes, right?”

Before I could answer, he stepped in as well and turned on the water to its coldest setting. The chilly blast set my teeth chattering, and I hid behind his bulk to keep getting in the spray. He sighed happily as the water hit him, scrubbing himself with the soap I’d made (I found a recipe online that I wanted to try, and Marnie had sold me some cow milk for it). 

“Why do you use such cold water?” I asked, teeth still chattering.

Alex finished lathering his body, and went for his hair next. “It makes my muscles pop out more.”

I rolled my eyes, shivering. “Of course.”

As I watched him wash his hair, I noticed the shampoo drip down his neck, over his trap muscles and down his back. Every movement made his muscular frame twitch and stretch in a way I’ve never seen so close up. Suddenly, I was glad for the cold water as it would help keep the ardor away. 

When he was done rinsing, he reached out a hand to take one of mine. He placed it on his abs. “See? Don’t they feel tighter?”

I took my hand back quickly. How was it possible his skin was still so hot after being under that torrent of frost? “I guess.”

“Come on,” he said, pulling me into the cold water. “I’ll warm you up.”

I tried to fight his grip, but the floor was slick and he was strong. He changed the temperature to something more comfortable, and switched us so that I was under the current. I adjusted the water to the temperature of my liking and sighed with relief. 

“How can you stand to bathe in literal lava?” Alex asked in a disgusted tone.

I laughed, lathering myself up with the homemade soap. It had come out nice, creamy, and smelling of sweet peas. I would have to pick up some more essential oils and play with different scents. “How can you stand to bathe in literal arctic water?”

“I told you.” He was as far away from the spray as he could get. “It makes my muscles look good.”

The sweet guy who was concerned with my pleasure and self-esteem had been replaced with Alex’s usual cocky and looks-obsessed persona. I had a feeling that the sweet personality was really what he was like, especially since he lived with Evelyn. I wondered why Alex put on such a strong personality. Not only that, but why he insisted on hiding behind it. Not that being confident and strong was a bad thing, but I was sure it had to get exhausting keeping up a pretense like that. Did he show that sweet, vulnerable side to all the other girls he’s been with? Was that an act itself?

“Where’d you go?” Alex asked, waving a hand in front of my face.

I finished washing, and turned off the water. “Sorry. I got a little lost in thought.”

Alex opened the curtain and handed me a towel. “What were you thinking about?”

“I uh, well…” I hesitated, not wanting to embarrass him. “How much practice have you had? How did you know what I liked?”

Alex wrapped another towel around his waist, smiling. “Lot’s of practice, babe.”

I knew I wasn’t going to get a straight answer out of him, but his response was still annoying. “With Haley?”

He gave me a sheepish look. “Among others, yes.”

“How many?”

“A lot.” He sounded annoyed now. “Now, can we drop it?”

I did drop it, a little taken aback by his tone. I watched as he left the bathroom, he all but stomped away. I had definitely pissed him off. Why did it matter to me how many other girls he’d been with? We weren’t in this for the long haul anyway. There was no reason to ask such personal questions. I felt vulnerable and wanted to connect, but Alex had made his stance clear. It was just sex. Nothing more.

When I returned to the room, Alex was already dressed. He looked like he was about to head out. Damn.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to pry. We’ll keep it strictly casual from now on.”

He nodded, still looking uneasy. “I’ll see you later?”

I guess I had scared him off with my pushiness. He was supposed to stay the entire weekend.  _ Nice one, Mari. _

“Sure,” was all I could manage to say.

“I had fun.” He smiled at me, and soon enough he was out the door. 

My fat mouth always got me into trouble. I should have kept it shut. Now I felt lonely all over again. At least I got to experience human touch again, it had been a while since that’s happened. As I threw my bedsheets to wash and cleaned up the damage from last night’s festivities, I felt lighter, more energized. Yeah, Alex left on some awkward terms, but it would be okay. He’d forget about it by the time we met up again. I could definitely get used to him being around. At least for now. 

I caught my wavy reflection in the kitchen window as I cooked myself some instant ramen. There was a smile on my face, it had been quite some time since I’ve been this relaxed. The coffeemaker’s clock flashed 2 AM, but I didn’t feel tired. If it weren’t so dark outside, I would be out pruning the garden right now. Sighing, I turned on the old tube TV Grandpa had left for me and watched some cooking show. I barely paid attention to the program, instead, I found myself comparing Alex to Ryan.

Ryan was always a straight-to-business type lover. He would make a minimal effort to get me ready, then would plunge right in until he was satisfied. Sometimes I would cum, sometimes I wouldn’t. With Alex, that wasn’t the case. He knew exactly where to put his hands, where to kiss me, how deep he should go. I then wondered what Sam was like, but decided not to indulge in that fantasy. Sam was pure, sweet and kind, and, if we had a chance, I would find out organically. Still I couldn’t help but compare the two guys. Alex was a sexy jock who was confident, and secretly thoughtful. Sam was a hot musician who I connected with on an emotional and mental level. If I was feeling soppy, I’d say Sam and I were soul-mates, but that would be taking the fantasy too far. 

My mind kept wandering back to Alex and whether or not he was alright. I forced him out of my mind, his mental state was none of my business. I’d just felt so safe in his arms, so cared for. I wished he was still here.

_ Ugh, get it together Mari! _

Alex and I were just fooling around, soon I’d be over Ryan and when that happened, I’d have the confidence to go after Sam (if Penny still hadn’t made her move).

…

_ Seb and Abby have a date tonight. Wanna come over? _

My phone pinged with a message from Sam and I felt my heart jolt as I read it. I definitely wanted to see him. It had been two weeks since the bonfire, so I was aching for another Sam fix. However, I’d been embarrassed about my escapade with Alex and I just hid away on my farm under the pretense of clearing out debris. Alex wanted to come over but I decided to blow him off, he could come over tomorrow night instead. 

_ Be there in 20. _

Ping! An almost immediate answer from Sam reading:

_ :) _

After showering, and dressing into something comfy but cute, I made my way over to Sam’s place. I decided to bring Jodi a big mouth bass I had caught earlier, and Vincent a snail. Didn’t want to show up empty handed and I really wanted to be on good terms with Sam’s family. He was really close to them, and I wanted them to like me. However, when I got to their house, Sam was the only one there.

“Where are Jodi and Vincent?” I asked Sam.

“Meeting with Penny about how Vincent is doing in school,” he answered. 

He looked really good today. His blue eyes were bright, and his blonde hair gleamed as if he’d just washed it.

“How is Vincent doing?” I followed Sam to his room, sitting on his bed. 

“Same old,” Sam said, plopping down next to me. “Still giving Penny a hard time, but otherwise fine. Anyway, how have you been? I haven’t seen you in a couple of weeks.”

“Oh, you know.” I blushed, looking down at my hands. “Just busy with the farm. I still have a long way to go.”

“Still have your heart set on the coffee house, huh?” Sam nudged me playfully.

I giggled, nudging him back. “Absolutely, I’m not giving up that easily.”

“What about the Ryan thing?” His tone switched to one more that was more sympathetic. “Have you talked to him yet?”

I hesitated, sighing deeply and running a hand through my hair. I then flopped myself down onto his bed, throwing an arm across my face. “Not yet.”

Sam pulled my arm off and gave me a frown. “Why not? Maybe it’ll make you feel better. You know, closure.”

I took my arm back. “It’s not that easy. I know myself Sam, if I talk to Ryan and forgive him, I’ll just take him back.”

“I’m not telling you to take him back, I’m telling you to forgive him.” Sam lay next to me, propping his head up with his hand. “It’ll help you heal.”

“Have you told Penny you like her yet?” I was tired of having the spotlight on me. “I noticed you guys looking pretty cozy at the bonfire the other night.”

Sam blushed, moving onto his back and looking at the ceiling. “You always like to change the subject, huh?”

“Look who’s trying to change the subject now?” I teased. “So did you tell her or not?”

“No, I haven’t told her.”

“Why not?”

“You know why.”

“I’m not buying that shy excuse anymore.” I was annoyed now. “You’re not shy around me. Why is she any different? Just ask her dude. If she says no, then you can stop pining away and move on.”  _ To me _ , my subconscious added silently.

“You get me,” he started. “I feel like I can be myself around you. We’ve only been friends for a couple of months, but I consider you to be one of my best friends. With Penny, it’s different. We grew up together, she remembers all my embarrassing moments. What if she says no because she remembers I wet the playground slide that one time?”

“Her loss then.” I sat up and leaned over Sam’s face. “Besides, that won’t happen. She likes you.”

“No way.” Sam shoved me away playfully and turned away. “What makes you think that?”

“Because you’re cute, and funny, and sweet.” Those words left my mouth without permission, but I barreled past them. “Besides, she always asks me for you whenever I go into town.”

Sam turned over and sat up to face me. “You think I’m cute?”

I stammered, and looked away. “That’s beside the point. Penny likes you, so just go for it before someone else does.”

Sam stared at me silently for a few seconds, then lay back down on the bed. I hoped he couldn’t hear my heart hammering itself against my ribs. I felt so nervous. Sam wasn’t an idiot, and I had straight up told him how I felt about him. Well, not straight up, but almost. 

“I’m always talking to you about Penny, huh?” He finally asked. “Must be annoying. I’m sorry.”

I remained sitting upright on the bed, looking around at all the posters Sam taped to his walls. It was awkward now, it had never been awkward between us. We were always open with each other, he knew a lot about me. Well, except for the part where I never told him liked him. On top of that, I started a no-strings-attached relationship deal with Alex that I had to hide from everyone. Especially Sam. What the hell am I doing? I should just tell Sam.

“Mari?” 

“Yeah?” I shook my head from everything, focusing my gaze into his blue eyes. 

“Tell me something.”

My heart started racing again, and I folded my hands in my lap to keep from panicking. “What do you wanna know?”

“Do you like me?” 

“Why are you asking?” 

“Just answer the question.” Sam was sitting up, his face close to mine. 

My stomach fluttered and it took everything in me not to reach out and kiss him. “Does it matter? You’re in love with Penny.”

Sam gave me a charged look, still incredibly close. “I want to hear it from you.”

I sighed, pulling back from Sam’s face. “Yes.”

It was Sam’s turn to sigh. He ran a hand through his hair and nodded. 

“What?” I asked.

“I’m such an idiot,” he muttered under his breath. 

I reached over and put a hand on his. “You’re not. I’m the idiot.”

“I just went on and on about liking someone else when you were struggling with your own feelings for me. I’m as bad as Alex.”

I winced. “Alex isn’t that bad, actually.”

Sam gave me a confused look. “Have you guys been hanging out?”

“I just helped him get some supplies for his roof,” I lied. “He wanted to surprise Evelyn with the repairs.”

“Isn’t that Robin’s job?” Sam squinted his eyes at me.

“She needed help collecting the wood,” I lied again. 

Yoba, I was an idiot. I should have just agreed with him. The silence was thick in his room now, enveloping us in awkwardness. I hate this. 

“My mom will be home soon,” Sam started. 

I stood from his bed, getting the hint. “I’ll see you later then?”

Sam grabbed my wrist, making me tingle all over. “I’m not kicking you out.”

I wanted to believe him, really. “I actually have some things to do. I brought Jodi a bass and Vincent a snail. Can you get those to them?”

“Give it to them yourself,” he replied, still not letting go. “They like you a lot.”

“Why are you still hanging on to me?” 

Sam pulled me into his arms, and kissed my cheek. “I don’t want things to be awkward between us. I really meant it when I said you were my best friend. I just….”

“You love Penny, it’s all good.” I tried to keep from crying, but his arms were so warm and his kiss was so gentle. “I’ll still keep being your friend.”

He still didn’t let go. “I wish things were different, Mari, really. The timing’s just off.”

I pulled away from him, wiping my eyes so he wouldn’t see the tears I accumulated there. “I understand. Thanks for being so kind to me.”

“Maybe you can focus on someone else in town,” he started. “Shane’s single, so is Harvey, but I think he has a thing with Maru.”

“Oh yeah, Shane’s a real catch,” I giggled, rolling my eyes. “Don’t worry about it, Sam. I’m heading out. See you later.”

I left the bed, walking to the door before Sam grabbed my wrist again. He was making this way harder than it needed to be. I knew how he felt, why wouldn’t he let me keep my dignity. I just wanted to curl up and cry. He pulled me around and leaned down to kiss me, a real kiss. The one I always dreamed and fantasized about. I kept my lips neutral however, hoping he would get the hint to stop kissing me. I was in agony, wanting to wrap my arms around his neck but knowing it was wrong. He liked Penny, and she liked him, and I’d be damned if I was going to be as shallow as Lena or Haley.

Sam pulled away, giving me a sad look. “That was stupid.”

“Why did you do it?” I asked, holding back tears.

“I wanted to see if anything would change,” he stammered. 

“Did it?”

He didn’t answer, just looked down at the ground and kicked at it sheepishly. I nodded, and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. 

“Thanks Sam,” I said. “I’ll see you around. Make sure Jodi and Vincent get those things I brought.”

Before he could answer or pull me in again, I all but ran from his house and back to the farm. I slammed the front door and stomped to my room, throwing myself into my bed’s protective embrace. What the hell had just happened? Why did Sam get so weird? What do we do now? Do we go back to before the kiss? Do we pretend it never happened? I felt more torn than ever before, at least with Alex I was clear on where we stood. I curled up into a little ball and cried my eyes out, sobbing and shaking without any sign of stopping. My phone was vibrating but I just ignored it, probably Ryan or Alex. I didn’t have the energy to deal with either of them. 

After about an hour of crying, and another half hour of sniffling into some tissues, my stomach growled. As I went to the kitchen to get myself something to eat, there was a knock on the door. I froze in place, wondering who it could possibly be. Ryan didn’t know where I was, so there were only two possibilities and I didn’t want to see either of them. 

Another knock reverberated through the house, and I sighed deeply. They didn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. Might as well get it over with.

“Coming,” I called as I made my way over to the door and opened it. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Alex stood before me, giving me a concerned look.

I waved him in, making my way over to the couch. No point in hiding anything from him, he would find out soon enough. I sat down and hugged a pillow to my chest, feeling more tears threatening to fall. His presence made me feel less lonely, and I wanted to talk about what happened. 

“Yeah,” I answered. 

Alex sat next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders. “What happened?”

I pulled out of his embrace, but he just put his arm around me again. “Sam found out.”

Alex knit his brows together, but remained silent. He really was a good listener, and so warm, and smelled so nice.  _ Focus, Mari. _

“We were hanging out in his room as usual just catching up,” I started, pressing closer into his chest. “He asked me about Ryan, and told me I should talk to him and forgive him.”

“What did you say to that?”

“I just told him that I know myself. If I forgive Ryan, I’ll go back to him because I’m a fucking idiot.” Tears flowed freely now, and I didn’t bother hiding them. Alex had seen me naked, what’s the point in hiding my tears. He’d seen it all.

“You’re not stupid,” Alex said, putting his head on mine. “It’s like you said, you know what’s best for you. Then what happened?”

“He started talking about Penny the way he always does,” I scoffed, wiping my eyes with the edge of the pillow. “He said he was worried that if he asked her out, she would say no and then he...he kind of found out that I liked him.”

“How did he figure that out?” Alex tilted his head so he could look at me. “Did you tell him like I told you to?”

“No,” I sighed. “I made a comment about him being funny, and cute and that Penny would be crazy to say no to him. Then, when I tried to leave, he kissed me.”

Alex was quiet again, his arm still around me, but loosening a touch. 

“He didn’t say anything, so I left.” I sighed deeply, feeling my heart sink again. Thankfully all my tears had dried up, so no more fell.

“He didn’t say anything at all?” Alex sounded bewildered. “Weak.”

“Hey!” I chided. “He probably regretted it because he likes Penny but kissed me.”

Alex rolled his eyes and moved away from me, leaving me feeling a little cold. “If he liked Penny, why did he kiss you? Why didn’t he muster the courage to kiss her?”

“He said that he wanted to see if it changed anything, and I guess it didn’t.”

“What bullshit. At least I told you straight up that we were in it for the sex. He keeps inviting you over because he doesn’t want to be alone but doesn’t have the balls to ask the girl he actually likes over. He’s a dick.”

“Sam is not a dick!” I was angry now, and no longer happy to see Alex. “He’s kind, and funny, and sensitive. He’s just shy and doesn’t know how to express himself.”

“I think he can express himself just fine if he kissed you right out of the blue. How do you even know he isn’t playing the same game with Penny? Maybe he’s hooking up with the both of you.” Alex’s tone reflected mine.

“He’s not like that,” I countered. “Sam isn’t like--”

“Me?” Alex interrupted.

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

“Then what were you going to say?”

“Forget it,” I crossed my arms and huffed. “I don’t want to argue with you.”

Alex paused and swallowed hard. I watched his Adam’s Apple bob up and down as he did. The action reminded me of the only time I kissed it. “Did you like it?”

“Like what?” I asked, still angry.

“Did you like when he kissed you?” He clarified.

I thought about it. It had been pleasant, but the situation surrounding it kind of ruined the kiss. I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It kind of does, because we have an agreement.” Alex gave me a charged look, leaning forward. “I told you I would back off. So, did you like it?”

“It was awkward,” I answered. “I don’t think anything will come out of it. Besides, he didn’t even text me afterward. I’m pretty sure I’ve ruined our relationship.”

Alex nodded slowly, then looked up at the ceiling. “What are you going to do now?”

“Pretend like nothing happened, but if you wanna call this whole thing off I’ll understand. It’s pretty melodramatic.”

Alex chuckled, uncrossing his arms. “Yeah, it kind of is.”

I chuckled too, feeling my smile crack my dry lips. Ew. All that crying really dehydrated me. “Sorry I blew you off this evening. That was shitty of me.”

Alex laughed now. “Don’t worry about it. The guy you like asked you to hang out. I don’t blame you. Just keep in mind what I said. It would suck for you to get hurt again.”

I wrung my fingers and chewed on my bottom lip. “I’ll keep it in mind, but I think you’re wrong.”

“Fair enough.” Alex looked at me, giving me a smile.

“Why did you come over, Alex?”

“We had an appointment, babe?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Or did you forget?”

I punched him in the arm, his solid, strong arm. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He waved the comment away.

“No, I mean…” I faltered. “I’m sorry about the other day. I was prying about things that aren’t any of my business.”

Alex exhaled and nodded. “I’ll forgive you, but only if you do something for me.”

His smarmy smile told me everything I needed to know about this favor. I decided to humor him. “And what might that be?”

He smirked that side smirk that makes me feel all sorts of ways. “You go on a date with me.”

That was in no way what I thought he was going to say. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me, babe. We’re going on a date.”

“Like, in public?” I was still trying to process what he’d said. He must be out of his mind.

“What?” Alex gave me a teasing smile. “Are you ashamed to be seen with me?”

I elbow him and try to hide my blush. “You know that’s not it. Don’t say that.”

“Then what is it?” 

I tried to come up with an excuse. “I have way too much work to do. It’s Summer so I have to set up for Fall. Once that hits, I’ll be busier than ever.”

Alex gave me a skeptical look. “That’s the best you can come up with? I might not know a lot about farming, but I do know that it’s a lot of waiting around.”

He had me there. I was just waiting for blueberries to grow now. “Why do you want to go on a date? I thought this was a no strings-attached kind of thing.”

He chuckled. “Are you in or not? If you say no, I won’t forgive you.”

I crossed my arms, annoyed and strangely turned on. “When and where?”

“Tomorrow afternoon on the beach,” he answered.

“I’m assuming you want me to wear a bikini?” I rolled my eyes.

Alex chuckled again, brushing a strand of hair from my face. “You know me so well, babe.”

I considered his proposal. If I said no, he won’t forgive me. As much as I know that’s not the truth, I still felt myself falling for it. If I said yes, everyone would see us, especially Sam and Haley, and that would just get the rest of the town talking. As far as I knew, the town talked regardless of what was going on. I sighed deeply, relenting.

“So, is that a yes or a yes?” Alex asked, cocky as ever.

“Fine,” I huffed, burying my face into the pillow I held in my lap.

Alex pulled my face out of the pillow, placing a kiss on my lips. “Was that so hard, princess?”

I shuddered as he said that word he’d promised to only use when it was just us. His kiss was gentle but held such ardor, I felt my arms wrap around his neck. I should tell him to go, but he tasted so good, and I was so damn lonely. 

Alex finally pulled away, smirking, though he still held my waist in his strong hands. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow, babe.”

“Wait, you’re leaving?” I asked, a slight whine filling my tone. 

Alex leaned down to kiss me again, a little more forcefully. “Did you want me to stay?”

“We did have an appointment,” I murmured, kissing him back.

“True,” he said. His kisses became sparser and sparser, as if he had something on his mind.

Suddenly, I felt selfish and I didn’t want him to leave. I pulled him down on top of me, stretching us out on the couch. I tangled my fingers in his hair, poking my tongue into his mouth, tasting him again. His hands roamed my shoulders and waist, digging into my sides as he moved to place a kiss on my neck. I moaned at his touch, arching my back and feeling my nipples harden against the delicate fabric of my bra. My hips bucked against his, and I pulled his lips back to mine.

One of his hands continued to slide down between our bodies, until it reached my pants. He dipped his hand into my leggings, a small sound escaping his mouth as he felt that I wore no panties underneath.

“You wore this to see Sam?” He asked, his finger finding clit and brushing it lightly. “Careful princess, you might make me jealous.”

“I didn’t want any panty lines to show,” I managed, arching my back again. 

I bit my bottom lip as he continued his torturous movements. I felt his fingers reach my wet slit, one of them plunging itself into my aching core. I gripped his shoulders tightly, moving my hips to create more friction against his hand. Fuck, he felt so good. His other hand traveled up my shirt and underneath my bra, tweaking a nipple between his fingers. Another hiss left my mouth, and I became frantic, squirming and moaning as he continued to finger me. His lips found mine again, and I felt myself getting closer and closer to release. 

“Alex, I’m close,” I whispered. 

His hand left my leggings and he moved to get off me, a grin on his face.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I yelled. “Why did you stop?”

Alex stood before me, his erection trying to escape his jeans. “Sorry princess, I have to go.”

“But Alex,” my voice sounded desperate and husky. “I need you.”

He leaned down to kiss me again, a deep, hungry kiss. “I know, I’m sorry. I just have some things to do before tomorrow.”

I pulled away from his kiss, panting. “It can’t wait?”

He chuckled, kissing me again. “No, it can’t.”

I pushed him away, angry, and frustrated, and most of all confused. “Is it Haley?”

All the humor left Alex’s face and he gave me a serious look. “Why would you think that? We had a deal, didn’t we?”

I laughed humorlessly. “It wouldn’t be the first time you drop everything and go see her.”

Alex looked genuinely hurt, and suddenly I wanted to take it back. He hadn’t lied to me yet, besides, he wasn’t my boyfriend. Why did I care what he was doing? It wasn’t any of my business.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “My insecurity is showing. I’ll work on that.”

Alex gave me a soft look. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mari.”

He turned to leave and I stood up and grabbed his arm, clinging to it. I was being stupid and selfish, but I chalked it up to my hormones. At least, that’s what I would blame it on. Alex kindly looked down at me and placed a kiss on my cheek. I sighed, feeling tears prick my eyes again. Why was I being so sensitive about this? I was acting like a clingy girlfriend. So stupid. My hormones were in overdrive, and I dropped to my knees.

Alex tried to pull me up, but I shoved his hands away. “What are you doing?”

I ignored him, unbuckling his belt and moving to undo the button of his jeans. I heard him sigh, and I looked up at him. “I’m...teasing you.”

Alex chuckled and placed a hand on my head, but didn’t move away. “What can I say or do to make you feel better about me leaving?”

I blushed hard, still on my knees and undoing his zipper. I didn’t want him to leave, I wanted him to stay here with me. What I was about to do would ensure that. I didn’t say anything, instead, I pulled his underwear down to reveal his half erection. A small bead of precum was trying to escape and I moved to lick it away. Alex hissed, and his hand tangled itself into my hair. I allowed myself to smile, licking the tip again.

“Mari,” he groaned, a warning in his voice.

I took him in, coaxing him to get hard again with my tongue. He grew in my mouth, and I could comfortably hold most of him though I did gag a little when he hit the back of my throat. I was out of practice, but that didn’t mean I didn’t know what I was doing. Holding my tongue in such a way that would stimulate the underside of his shaft, I started to bob my head up and down slowly.

“Fuck,” he hissed, and his hips moved to meet my mouth. 

I reached up and placed a hand on his hard stomach, my other hand reaching around to grip his hard ass in my hand. I took him in deeper, remembering how much I loved to do this. Taking control of my partner’s orgasm has always been a huge turn on of mine. On top of that, the sounds Alex was making made my core slick and twitch with need. He tasted good too, I supposed from the healthy diet he partook in to keep his shape. I swirled my tongue around the head of his cock, then quickly forced it down the back of my throat.

Alex dug his fingers into my head, his hips trying to speed up my momentum but I wouldn’t let him. I could tell he was close because of the way he throbbed in my mouth and the twitch of his balls. He was panting and groaning with his head thrown back, saying my name over and over again. I snuck a hand down my pants and rubbed my clit, moaning as he took over and thrust himself into my throat. Alex was very aware as to how far he can go and how hard and fast to move. He really was too good at this.

“Let me taste your cum,” I said around his girth.

Alex moaned, looking down into my eyes and reaching a hand down to caress my face. 

I was so close, my fingers were cramping but I didn’t care. I just wanted to reach my orgasm at the same time as him. “I’m cumming.”

As I said that, I felt Alex’s hot seed shoot down my throat as he forced himself as deep as he knew he could. I swallowed every drop, licking and sucking him dry. My orgasm tore through me a couple seconds later, my hips thrusting against the empty air. When I was sure I had swallowed everything, I pulled my mouth away from Alex’s member, kissing the tip before standing up to stretch my legs. I felt good, powerful.

“That was…” Alex was panting hard, making no effort to pull his pants up. “Mari, why did you do that?”

I chuckled wiping away a small bit of cum off the corner of my mouth. I looked him in the eyes before licking my finger clean, making sure he captured each movement. Alex stared at my mouth, a sigh of desire escaping his lips. 

“Don’t ever do that again,” he finally said.

I felt my cheeks burn with shame. Had I done a bad job? “Why?”

Alex pulled his underwear and pants up, even though he still had a massive erection. I had to give the guy credit, his recovery period was nuts. “Just...don’t.”

I held myself in a protective hug, looking down at the ground. “I’m sorry. I thought you enjoyed it.”

Alex sighed and put his arms around me, kissing my temple. “I did. Maybe a little too much.”

I smiled into his chest, though I still felt a little upset by his reaction. “Why did you tell me not to do it again?”

Alex pulled my chin up so I could meet his gaze. “Because it’s unfair to manipulate men like that.”

“You’re right,” I relented. “Forgive me?”

Alex shook his head and smiled. Then he leaned down to kiss me, gently. All the ardor was gone, in its place was sweetness. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I smiled sadly. He was still leaving, after all that. “I’ll meet you there.”

“Nah,” he said. “I’ll pick you up. Be ready by noon.”

Again, Alex moved to leave but not before kissing me again. This time, I let him go. As soon as the door closed, a new wave of loneliness hit me. Why did he have to leave? Why did it bother me so much? Why did I feel so used? Even though I had initiated the blowjob, I still felt cheated. He was right though, I had tried to manipulate him and it didn’t work. From his reactions during the act, I could tell he was enjoying himself immensely, but I had pushed him. I suddenly felt disgusted, and rushed to take a shower.

…

After watering my farm and packing up my things into a beach bag, I was ready by noon. I had changed into a new bikini I’d bought at the start of the summer, and on top of that I wore the same white sundress I wore to the bonfire. I was putting on my sandals when I heard the knock at the door. I was getting better and better at recognizing Alex’s knock now, even the sound of his footsteps on the porch were beginning to become familiar. I shook the thought from my head, and opened the door. Alex wore a pair of green boardshorts, a white tank top, and brown flip flops. His tanned skin glowed in the afternoon sun, but it paled in comparison to his brilliant smile.

“Hey,” he said. “You look great.”

I blushed, looking down at my toes. I had bothered to paint them with a white nail polish I had, but I brushed up against something and one of them was messed up now. “Thanks, you too.”

“Are you ready?” 

I put on my sun hat and grabbed my sunglasses. “Yup.”

Alex was silent as I locked the house behind me, and as we began walking down to Marnie’s ranch. It was awkward again, and I felt my cheeks burn harder. Why was it so weird? Was I making it weird or was he?

“How was your day?” I asked.

Alex raised an eyebrow at me. “Are you mad because I didn’t stay last night?”

“No.” I gave him a confused look. “Are you mad at me for trying to manipulate you?”

Alex shook his head. “Not at all.”

We continued to walk in silence, passing Marnie’s ranch and making it to the bridge that separated the beach from the town. We’d decided to take this route because there would be less interference this way, but from what I could see, it wouldn’t matter. It seemed like everyone in town was at the beach today, that meant that everyone would see Alex and me. 

“You okay?” Alex asked.

“I’m fine,” I managed. “Just admiring the day.”

“It is a very nice day,” he said back.

Yoba this was painful. How could we be so awkward even though we’ve done such intimate things together already? It was just a date. With Alex. At the beach. Where anyone could see us. Like Haley. Or Penny. Or Sam.

“Can you do something for me?” Alex began. 

I smiled, hiding my nerves. “Depends on what it is.”

Alex laughed. “Let’s pretend that it’s just you and me. Like when I come see you at your place.” He leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Can you do that for me, princess?”

I blushed hard and pushed him away, glad for the hat and the sunglasses to hide my face. “Only if you don’t call me that in public.”

Alex chuckled. “Deal.”

We found a spot a bit aways from the beach entrance, and, I noticed, away from the crowds as well. I still hadn’t seen Haley or Sam, and those were my biggest worries. I hoped they wouldn’t show up at all, but I knew that was too great a hope. They’d probably just show up later on, but I decided to push that thought from my mind for now. It had turned into a beautiful afternoon, the water was placid and clear, mirroring the sky.

I set down my bag and moved to take out my towel to set down when Alex brought out a blanket and an umbrella from the nearby brush. “Where did you get those?”

Alex smiled, a bashful look on his face. “I came early to set up.”

I giggled, sitting on the blanket as Alex opened the umbrella and stuck it into the ground. We had a nice shady spot now, away from prying eyes. It really was starting to feel like it was just us two again. My nerves subsided significantly. No one would be able to find us unless they walked over and around the bend. I stretched out, feeling the sun’s invigorating rays and sighing. 

“You look more relaxed,” Alex commented, sitting next to me. He’d already taken his tank top off. 

“Yeah,” I shook my head, embarrassed. “Sorry about earlier. I was being dramatic again.”

Alex laughed. “Yeah, you were. At least you’re entertaining.”

I elbowed him playfully. “Shut up.”

“I get it though,” Alex continued. “When I’m feeling insecure, I tend to freak out too.”

I took off my sunglasses to look at him. “It must be annoying.”

“What?” 

“Dealing with me, being so…”  _ Mental, _ I almost said.

Alex smiled at me. “Comes with the territory.”

“What?” I was confused now.

“Being a rebound. Dealing with freakouts, it comes with the territory.” Alex stared at the water, suddenly focused. “I’m used to dealing with insecure women. I help them get back on their feet. Make them feel wanted, desirable. Then they move on. Maybe that’s why I like it.”

I was still looking at him, staring really. “Have you ever been in a serious relationship? One that was more than just sex?”

Alex turned his green gaze to mine. “Yeah, with Haley.”

Why was I not surprised? “Was she your first girlfriend?”

He nodded. “I fell in love with her when we were kids, and always asked her on dates to the playground.”

“That’s cute,” I said, smiling. “Was she in love with you too?”

Alex shrugged. “I think she did, then we left for college and we grew apart.”

I remained silent. This was more than I was anticipating to hear from Alex.

“We both met new people, had new experiences,” he continued. “I started partying and messing around. She did too and eventually, we broke each other's hearts.”

“Then why do you...you know, with her?” I got out.

Alex had picked up a shell while we were talking, he was twirling it around and around. Finally, he chucked the thing into the clear water. “I don’t know if I really have an answer to that. Nostalgia? Familiarity? Maybe I’m just a scoundrel.”

I stared at the water for a few minutes, processing what Alex had just shared with me. “Do you share this with all your...friends with benefits?”

Alex smirked. “No, just you.”

There was no way I should believe him, but I kind of did. I took out my sun tan lotion to keep from saying anything. I could agonize over it later on. “Wanna help me get this on?”

Alex grinned, taking the bottle from me. “As if you have to ask. You know I love touching your body, babe.”

I blushed and punched him. Then I stood to remove my dress, carefully folding it and placing it into my bag. 

Alex looked up at me, and whistled. “Not bad, farm girl. Though, nothing can beat the sight of you naked and trembling from my touch.”

I blushed even harder, then bent down so he could see down my top. “How do you know I’m not faking it all for your benefit?”

Alex stole a quick kiss, causing me to lose all my bravado. “You wound me, princess.”

I feel my face burn as he laughs, and I take my seat next to him again. He rubs my back with the sunscreen, then my shoulders. I feel him kiss my neck a couple of times, but I try to keep it together. He had to be teasing me, but these semi-public displays of affection were blurring the so carefully drawn lines of our relationship. Could he sense it too or was this all in my head?

He finished rubbing the sunblock on me, then handed me the bottle. “Do me.”

I rolled my eyes as he turned over onto his stomach giving me full access to his back. Taking some lotion in my hands, I then worked it into his muscles, savoring the way they twitched at my touch. I never thought I would ever be in someone as good looking as Alex’s orbit, let alone touching them. I finished up and then got up from the blanket, itching to hide from my base instincts in the clear water. 

I dove into the waves, feeling the surge of water float over me and fill me with energy. I loved the ocean, but the beaches in Zuzu City were so dirty and polluted. The beach Pelican Town had was absolutely beautiful and clear, save for the seaweed that kept touching my legs and making me panic. I surfaced from the water and looked out to the horizon, clearing the salt water from my eyes. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a mermaid and even begged my dad to buy me a giant fin. I would swim, if you could call it that, in a small kiddie pool in our backyard. 

I felt warm hands wrap around my waist, and a strong chest press against my back. As much as I knew I should pull away to keep that line drawn, I let myself linger in Alex’s embrace. He was just so solidly  _ there _ , so present. He chased away all my loneliness, and I felt normal when he was with me. I didn’t know how healthy that feeling was, or how substantiated. Still, I allowed myself a small respite of thinking that this could very well be a nice date between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. 

I turned around and placed my arms around his neck, looking into his green eyes. I was surprised to find a new emotion in them, one that mirrored my own. Uncertainty. Usually I found ardor, sass, or confidence within that gaze, but not now. It was tender and soft, and  _ vulnerable _ . 

“What are you thinking?” I whispered.

He chuckled, his lips inches from mine. “Something stupid.”

I pulled slightly away, surprised by his answer. “Like?”

Alex smirked, then shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Could be nothing.”

Now I was really curious, but I decided not to prod him further. I didn’t want a repeat of the last time. “I think we should let go of each other.”

This time he laughed, and removed his hands. “You’re probably right, babe.”

Reluctantly, I moved a respectable distance away, a distance that friends would keep. “It’s a beautiful day.”

“Don’t do that,” he said.

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t hide behind the weather,” Alex explained. “It’s still just you and me. And now we’re in friend mode. So, let’s head back to shore and toss around my gridball.”

I rolled my eyes, but giggled, following after him. “Of course you brought that with you.”

Alex reached the blanket and pulled out the ball from the shrubs nearby, then he ran a few ways down the shore. I stood ready, unsure of how hard he’ll throw the thing and my ability to catch it. Surprisingly, I did catch it and Alex cheered me on. I gave a little victory dance, feeling giddy. I guessed all those hours on the farm had prepared me for this. 

“You might have to move closer, I don’t think I can throw it that far,” I shouted over to him.

Alex remained where he was. “Just try it.”

I gave him a shrug and planted my feet, holding the ball in an amateurish fashion. My hands were probably too small to properly grip it anyway. I ended up shot putting the thing barely halfway between us. Alex jogged over, laughing and grabbing the ball as he did. 

“Here, let me show you how to hold it.” He took my hand and placed my fingers on the white lacing in a staggered position. “You have to throw with your shoulder, not your forearm.”

I held the ball like he told me and went to throw but he stopped me. “What?”

Alex shook his head. “Put one foot back behind you.” One hand reached down to move my knee back. “Yeah, a wide stance like that.” He reached back up and placed his hands on my shoulders now, his touch lingering. “Square your shoulders, and lift the ball. There you go.”

“Am I ready to throw now, coach?” I said in a teasing tone. 

Alex gave me that crooked smile I’ve come to really like. “Yeah, you’re all set slugger.”

“Oh, that’s a new one,” I said. “I think that’s the best nickname yet.”

He rolled his eyes and removed his hands from my shoulders. “Just throw the thing.”

I did as I was told, feeling just how different the throw was. It felt more powerful, and it spiraled slightly. Alex took off after it, catching it before it hit the sand and landing stomach first onto the ground. 

“And it’s good!” He yelled.

I laughed, a deep hearty laugh that reverberated through my bones. I finally completely relaxed. I was truly having a great time and I hoped he was too. Maybe this could be a normal occurrence.

“Hey Alex,” a new voice cut through our laughter. 

I snapped my head up to look at Haley, who was clad in a tiny pink bikini. I averted my gaze, my mood fouling up as quickly as it had mellowed. 

Alex looked up at Haley who stood just above him, no doubt in a ploy to get him to stare at her freshly shaved legs. “Hey babe. Nice to see so much of you.”

His words annoyed me more than they should have, his nonchalance was especially infuriating. He stood from the sand, gripping the gridball with one hand and wiping off sand with the other.

“Farm girl,” Haley said in a venomous tone. 

“Haley,” I answered back.

The gorgeous blonde shifted her gaze back to Alex. “Can you rub some lotion on my back? I can’t reach.”

She grabbed his hand and began to pull him over to her spot. I just sighed and walked back to Alex and mine’s, I suppose now just mine, spot. Instead of sitting on the blanket, I dove back into the waves, hoping the surge of the water would wash away the rage I felt at Haley’s interruption. I floated on the waves, staring up at the darkening sky. The sun was beginning to set and it cast a soft orange glow on everything. It was beautiful. 

“Mari.” I heard a voice behind me. 

I stood from my float and whirled around, my eyes landing on Sam’s bare torso. He wasn’t as jacked as Alex, but he was toned. He wore red board shorts and his hair was pokey with product. His blue eyes floated across my shoulders then met mine.

“Sam,” I gasped. “Sorry, I thought you were someone else. How are you?”

Sam smiled that kind, soft smile of his. “I’m doing well. How are you?”

I nodded, smiling. “Doing great. How’s Jodi and Vincent?”

“Same as always,” he answered. 

Then the conversation died, and we stood there. Staring. Awkward. 

“So,” he spoke again.

“So,” I answered.

Sam ran a hand through his hair and looked down at the clear water. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I’m sorry I didn’t apologize sooner.”

I shook my head, waving away his apology. “No worries, Sam.”

“Of course I’m gonna worry, Mari.” He sounded agonized. “I was being a jackass.”

I shrugged, wondering what it is he wanted to say. What it was he wanted me to say.

“You know how you asked me yesterday whether or not our kiss changed anything?” He finally asked.

Again I shrugged. “What about it?”

Sam’s cheeks were rosy as he looked down at the water. “It kind of did.”

My eyes widened and I cocked my head. “It did?”

“Yeah,” he continued. “I knew right then that I had to make up my mind and make a decision or keep suffering. So I did.”

“You did?” Yoba, couldn’t he just say what he needed to say? My heart could only take so much.

“It taught me that I have to take chances, take risks. Even if they could potentially end badly.” Sam looked at me, his cheeks still flushed. “So, I asked Penny out on a date and she said yes.”

I felt my heart plummet down into the depths of the ocean, and I forced a smile onto my face. “That’s great Sam. I’m proud of you.”

Sam shook his head. “I know that this is hard for you, and I don’t want to make it harder, but when I kissed you...it felt good. Real. But--”

“You love Penny,” I finished, still smiling.

Sam nodded once. “I just wanted us to be clear about everything. You’re still my best friend. I don’t want that to change.”

I remained silent, feeling my smile grow more and more demented. I hoped it didn’t show but Sam’s expression didn’t lie.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Peachy,” I answered. “I’m really happy for you guys. I um, actually took your advice yesterday and called Ryan for some closure.”

Sam’s face mellowed out again and he put a hand on my shoulder in a comforting gesture. “How did it go?”

“I forgave him and we decided it's best to part ways,” I lied.

“That’s great Mari,” he said. “I’m happy for you too.”

His hand felt foreign on my shoulder and he finally took it back. I avoided his eyes, focusing instead on a spot on the shore. The awkward silence returned, but before I could say anything to break it, he spoke first again.

“I’ll see you around Mari,” he said, turning away from me. “We’ll have to hang out again soon. You should start thinking about heading out, the tides coming in.”

Sam left me there, standing in that once warm water. He left with my heart in tow.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, me again! I know, not as steamy as the last one, but I wanted to see more of Alex and Mari's relationship blossom outside of sex. I really hope you enjoyed it. If you want more let me know in the comments below :) Wishing you all safety and health.
> 
> -Pandi


	3. Fuck, I'm In Love with the Jock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After having her heart broken by Sam, Mari finds solace in Alex's arms. Not only are they fuck buddies, but they've gotten super comfortable with each other in the past few weeks. Mari realizes that she's possibly developed feelings for Alex, especially since she got over Sam so quickly. Maybe she never really liked him at all and has always liked Alex. Who knows?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a late update everyone. Depression is such a bitch. I hope that you all are surrounded by family or friends or both during this time and that you're all safe and healthy. I wanted this to be a slow burn but I couldn't help myself. Besides, it is kind of realistic to fall in love with someone after having a physical relationship with someone for a while. These two idiots are super into each other and they kind of admit it but kind of don't. Hope you enjoy it.

Alex came to find me after Sam left, leading me out of the now ice-cold ocean and back to our spot. I took a seat on the blanket, holding my knees to my chest and staring off into the sea. The wonderful day I had shared with Alex was now ruined, the only thing I could feel was a Sam sized hole in my chest. I should feel relieved he had finally made up his mind, and in a way, I was. I wouldn't feel like I was holding someone's place anymore, a stand-in. Instead, I was clear on our relationship and where we stood. It would be easier this way now. Less painful. Less confusing.

"What happened?" Alex finally asked. "You look pale."

My gaze remained glued to the shimmering waves before us. "Nothing really," I stammered.

“Don’t give me that,” he said sharply. “You look like you’re about to fall apart.”

I kept my eyes forward, fearing that if I moved them, tears would fall. “He and Penny are officially going out.”

Alex exhaled deeply, stretching out beside me. "What an ass."  
  
I tore my eyes away from the vista before me to glare at Alex. "He's not an ass."  
  
"He led you on,” he answered.  
  
"I led myself on, thinking I stood a chance when all he could talk about was her. He was clear from the beginning and I still fell for him.” I refocused my sights on the orange waves. "If anyone is an ass, it's me."  
  
Heartbreak ate away at me, even though I had inflicted it on myself. I was the one who pined away after him, regardless of what he said. I was the one who said yes to all those hangouts knowing that to him, they were platonic. In the end, I was the one who fucked-up. Alex had no idea what he was talking about. There was no way I would let him put the blame on Sam when l was the idiot who went ahead and broke my own heart.

“He kissed you," Alex continued, interrupting my thoughts. "He invited you over because he was too scared to ask Penny. Or so he says. Yeah, you kept putting yourself into stupid situations and pined after a guy you clearly knew didn't like you, but he took advantage of that. He's an ass and you're a mess. You're both to blame."

I looked over to notice that Alex was furious. His hands were clenched into fists and his posture was rigid. "Why are you so mad?" 

"Because the situation is so dramatic," he answered. "Just move on. He obviously has, so you shouldn't waste tears on him." 

It was my turn to be angry. "Why can't I be sad about it? He just ripped my heart out and tossed it into the ocean not five minutes ago."

  
Alex snickered, a dark look on his face. "You let him have that power, babe. Take it in stride and get back on the field." 

"Like you?" I spat. "Is that what you did after Haley dumped you? You found some other hot girl and threw her onto your pile of whores?"  
  
Alex looked wounded and stood from the blanket. "Better than crying over someone who doesn't love you."  
  
After that final comment, we were silent. We made quick work of cleaning up our small patch of what used to be paradise. I folded the blanket while Alex dug out the umbrella and tucked it into its sheath. I pulled on my dress over my still-damp bathing suit. I was in emotional agony, wanting to leave Alex and his hurtful words behind. At the same time I wanted to find solace within his arms. If I really thought about the situation, he was right. Still, I didn't want to admit it. I wanted to hang on to it and dwell on my feelings, like a cat licking at it’s sores.

Before I could say goodbye, Alex took my hand and led me through the now much smaller throng of beachgoers. "Let's get you home."  
  
Instead of protesting, I let myself be pulled around, secretly hoping Haley and Sam would catch a glimpse of us. Even after leaving the beach far behind us, Alex still kept a firm grasp on my hand. He didn't let go until we reached his place.  
  
"Why did you bring me here?" I asked, confused. 

"Because Granny makes the best cookies," he answered. "I’ll take you home after."  
  
"I don't want to impose on Evelyn," I said, trying to back away. "I wasn't invited."  
  
Alex flashed a smile, though I noticed he didn’t look at me. "Just shut up and get inside."  
  
Reluctantly, I stepped into the house. It usually smelled of sea salt and fresh flowers, but this evening it smelled like chocolate chip cookies. My favorite. George sat in his usual spot in front of the T. V. watching some game show. I waved hello and he just grunted in my direction.  
  
"No leeks today?" George asked, a hopeful glint in his eye.  
  
I shook my head, giving him an apologetic smile. "Sorry. They're out of season."  
  
"Next spring then,” he grumbled, dismissing us.  
  
"Ignore him," Evelyn called from the kitchen. "He's in a foul mood." 

"As always," Alex added, planting a kiss on her cheek. "Mari's here." 

"Hello dear," she smiled. "It's so nice to have you by. Sit, I made cookies, and lemonade. It looks like you need a pick me up."  
  
Alex winked at me as I blushed and took a seat at the well-loved table. I've always liked his home. It was warm and inviting even though it was dated. By the way Alex smiled at his grandmother, I could tell he loved it too. As much as he wanted to leave and live on his own as a step toward becoming a professional grid ballplayer, he would always love coming home to his family. 

Evelyn set down a plate of cookies and two glasses of lemonade. "Tell me dear, who broke your heart?" 

I blushed harder. “Come again?"  
  
"A woman always knows when another woman's heart has been broken." Evelyn gave my hand a pat and a knowing glance. "If it was Alex, I can promise you I won't feed him any supper." 

Alex smirked and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. If Evelyn knew about his depraved ways, she would suffer a heart attack. However, the glint in Evelyn's eye removed that thought from my head. Maybe she did have some idea as to what Alex was actually up to when he goes out. That thought made me blush even harder. 

"No, it wasn't Alex, " I answered with a chuckle. "I'll be sure to let you know if he ever does."  
  
Evelyn threw her head back and laughed. "I wish you would bring her around more often, Alex. I do get so lonely in this house full of boys."  
  
"I'm sorry to intrude on your evening, Evelyn." I suddenly felt the urge to leave. "Alex insisted I come."  
  
"If ya feel that way, why did you come?" George yelled from the other room.  
  
"George!" Evelyn frowned, still patting my hand. "I'm sorry dear." 

Alex and I burst out laughing. l felt my face relax and my shoulders untense. Whatever reason Alex had for bringing me here, I was glad. I still felt sad, though less so than before. Maybe it was just as easy as picking up and moving on. It's not like Sam and I were engaged in a serious relationship. We just hung out as friends. Surely we can go back to that. 

About a half hour later, and after I finished my lemonade and ate a few cookies, Alex decided it was time for us to go. Evelyn packed me a pitcher of her lemonade and a Tupperware of cookies.  
  
"Come see as again, dear," she said, giving me a hug. "We do so love your company."  
  
"Feh," I heard George scoff from the other room again.

Evelyn shook her head, smiling. "George won't admit it but he likes it when you come over."

“Stop telling lies, woman," George called from the living room. 

During the time Evelyn was packing me snacks, Alex had run to his room. He now returned with a backpack on his shoulders. "Thanks for the cookies, Granny."

Evelyn eyed him, glancing at me momentarily. "Are you staying out again tonight?"  
  
Alex pushed me toward the door. "I’ll be back tomorrow, love ya. See ya Gramps!"  
  
With a final "Feh!" Alex successfully corralled us out of his grandparent’s home and out into the early night. It couldn’t have been later than seven, but the sun still sat low on the horizon, just starting to disappear. Summer always had long days. 

"Where are you going tonight?” I asked. 

Alex rolled his eyes and took my hand again. "Let's get you home." 

It was clear he intended to stay over tonight, and the thought made me feel a little warm. Even though I still felt sad over the Sam thing, I didn't want to cry about it. Maybe a fuckfest with Alex was the way to go. The closer we got to my house, the more flushed I became. Alex's grip on my hand was tight and warm, a familiar feeling and yet also different. His touch felt frantic. He’d been off ever since our run in with Haley and Sam. I was determined to find out what was going on through his head as soon as we arrived at the house. Once we did arrive, my skin itched to be cleaned of salt. My hair always dried nicely whenever it's been wet with salt water, but having sand fall off of my head was not cute.

  
It was as if Alex read my mind and we both moved for the bathroom. I peeled off layer after layer of clothing, leaving a path of damp clothes in my wake. Alex did the same. We both stepped into the shower and I blasted it on, a little cooler than my usual liking so Alex wouldn't feel like he was boiling.  
  
"You can turn it up warmer if you like, princess,” he said huskily. 

I rolled my eyes and kept the temperature where it was. "Hand me the shampoo, will you?"  
  
Instead of handing me the bottle, he poured some of the stuff into his hand and worked his fingers into my hair. I closed my eyes, reveling at his touch. Even though Alex had literally been inside me, feeling him washing my hair was intimate in a different way. Again, my mind wandered toward the other women he's been with. Had he done this with Haley? Another girl? This whole day has blurred the many lines we've crafted, and here we were distorting another. He finished and I stepped into the spray to rinse out the suds.

We finished the shower out in silence, it seemed like the two of us were lost in thought. As I wrapped myself in a towel, I caught a glance of Alex's face. He was definitely thinking about something, or rather, it looked like he was agonizing over something.

"Where'd you go?" I asked him, using his phrase from the last time. 

Alex wrapped a towel around his waist, giving me a sly grin. "Just thinking about what I’m going to do to you."

I sighed, brushing my hair out with a wide-toothed comb. "Why do you do that?" 

"Do what?" He asked, though I could tell he knew what I was talking about.

I gave him a pointed look, putting down the comb. 

He sighed deeply, not meeting my eyes. Once again, he shut me out and was pushing me away. His eyes told me he wanted to talk but his lips remained in a tight, thin line.

"You don't have to talk to me about it,” I murmured. "But you can. Like you said before, the friend part is included with the benefits."

I left the bathroom, and sat on my bed still wrapped in my damp towel. I didn't want to force Alex to talk to me, and I didn't want him to leave. Alex could very much just be here for a quick and dirty fuck and if that's what he needed then I would give it to him. He emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, a smile on his face that didn't reach his eyes. He was being so weird now, I didn't understand why.

"You ready for me, princess?" He asked in a smarmy tone. "I've been thinking about you all day."

I decided to play along, smiling back. "Oh yeah? Why's that?"

Alex let his towel fall to the ground and climbed into the bed next to me. "You've walked around in a tiny bikini in front of me all day, babe. Why wouldn't I want you?"

He leaned in to kiss me and at first it felt normal, like Alex's usual kisses. Lusty, full of heat, and tasting of cinnamon. Then, it shifted into something hungrier, and needy. I opened my eyes slightly, noticing Alex's face. His eyebrows were tightly knit and his eyes were screwed shut. He looked like he was in pain and that made me falter. As wonderful as he tasted, it didn't feel right. 

I pulled away, a string of saliva connecting our lips together. "This feels wrong.”

Alex placed another small kiss on my lips before sighing deeply, and sitting back against the headboard. "I know."

"Please talk to me," I whispered, cuddling up to him. "What's going on?"

Alex leaned his head on mine, something I noticed he was getting comfortable doing. "No judgement?"

I smiled, pressing a kiss into his shoulder. "Of course not."

A shudder ran through Alex, and I felt him move away. He put some space between us, but his knee still touched mine. "I was giving you all this advice about moving on while I wasn't doing that myself."

I remained silent, moving a hand to place it on his knee in a comforting gesture. He was also silent, it seemed like he was having trouble getting his thoughts out. If he didn't look so tortured, I would have laughed at the fact that this smooth talker was without words.

"The reason I still hung out with Haley, was because I was still in love with her," he finally got out. "As you know, we were childhood sweethearts and we dated until college. She...cheated on me, and because I was hurt, I then cheated on her. Even though I kept seeing other girls, l still pined away after her. She would lead me on, telling me she wanted to get back together while seeing other guys. I fell for it every time."

I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't all that. As I stared into his face, l found relief looking back. He seemed less burdened now, but even more frantic.

"I never thought I would get over her, so I messed around and never got into any serious relationships," he continued. "I kept seeing Haley though, all strictly physical on her side. I don't know why she kept me around with all the guys she had in her back pocket."

"So she could have a fallback guy," I answered a little too harshly. "Just in case she was rejected, she could be with you to boost her ego again. You deserve better than that."

Alex laughed humorlessly. "I guess kind of knew all that, I just chose to ignore it. Then you and I started hanging out and you came up with that rule about not seeing Haley. I promise that I never broke that rule, but it was hard. She texted me all the time, begging me to come see her or take her out. I found that the more I ignored her, the better I felt."

"Well that's good,” I said, smiling. "I’m glad I could help."

"I'm not so sure about that," he answered, sighing.

I gave him a confused look, feeling hurt all of a sudden. "What do you mean?"

Alex must have noticed the look on my face because he gave me a smile and poked me between the eyes. "Don't worry babe, it's not you. I'm just working through some stuff."

His touch was reassuring, but I could tell he was still holding something back. I decided that I wouldn't push him any further for now. If he wanted to talk some more he would and of course I would listen. Alex's face had that pensive expression on it again, so I reached over and poked him as he had done to me. At my touch, his eyebrows unfurrowed and he grabbed my hand. I took the opportunity to be bold for once and I kissed him. Alex still held my hand but his other one reached for the nape of my neck.

I poked my tongue at the entrance to his mouth and he quickly opened to allow me access. A small groan escaped him as I deepened the kiss, tangling my fingers into his hair. I felt my towel slip from my torso, leaving me exposed. Alex moved his lips from the corner of my mouth, all the way down my neck to bite my shoulder. He would leave a mark, but I didn't care. The boy I loved was in love with someone else, I didn't have to hide what I did in my private time from Sam. He wouldn't care anyway.

Alex's lips latched on to one of my nipples, tearing me from my thoughts. His expert tongue swirled the peak while his fingers toyed with the other. He was so good, I didn't realize I was already a soppy moaning mess. Alex lifted his head from my chest, his fingers still lingering on my breasts. He gave me another passionate kiss, albeit a brief one.

"Flip over, princess," he said in a husky tone.

His voice made my core clench with excitement. "Why?"

He glowered, though there was a playful spark in his eyes. "Do it, or I'll do it for you."

I kept myself from blushing and gave him a smirk instead, excitement coursing through my veins. “I'd like to see you try."

Alex mirrored my smirk, placing another bite on my other shoulder. "Last chance, princess."

I felt goosebumps rise on my neck as he bit down but I just shook my head defiantly.

"You asked for it," he growled.

Alex stood from the bed, reached down to grab my hips and flipped me. I felt the bed rock as he moved to kneel behind me, his chest pressing into my back. His lips assaulted the nape of my neck, down my spine, and back up. Suddenly, his warmth was gone and I felt a sharp spank on my ass. It stung like hell, but in the moment it felt delicious. Another spank followed, this time on the opposite cheek and felt my toes curl as braced for the next one. I didn't come. Instead, his fingers found my entrance and he began to rub my wet core.

"What a slutty pussy you have, princess," he rumbled behind me. "So wet after being spanked like that."

I moaned loudly, spreading my legs wider to give him more access. I felt a finger enter me, and my back arched slightly. Another finger followed, and soon enough my head was buried in my pillows as Alex rammed them into me without mercy. His thumb grazed my clit, a cruel teasing motion that had my legs trembling.

"Alex, please," I begged, turning my head so he could hear me. "Please."

He spanked me again, still moving his fingers in and out of me. "You’re not cumming until I say so.”

l bit my bottom lip to keep from arguing, but I felt even wetter as I heard his words. My thighs were slick with juices, and my legs were about to give up.

Another spank. "Stay up for me, princess."

l forced my legs to strengthen and focused on remaining upright. It was so hard, though. Especially since he kept stimulating my g-spot. His thumb however, continued its teasing pattern of barely grazing my clit. He was driving me nuts. 

"Mari," I heard Alex say, serious. "Look at me."

I turned my head to look back at him, wiping away some drool from the corner of my mouth. He still hadn't let up his cruel pace. "Y-yes?"

"I want to try something," he said, still serious. "But only if you let me." 

It took me a little bit to understand what he was asking through my cloud of lust. My sex-fueled brain finally put two and two together and I blushed hard. "Just be gentle with me."

Alex gave me a sweet smile, and leaned forward to kiss me. "Of course, princess, always."

His fingers left my core, and I kept myself from complaining. Then, almost immediately, I felt his tongue replace them. He lapped at me, long, powerful licks that made my legs shake. He sucked at my clit, and I almost collapsed from pleasure but I managed to stay upright. l heard him hum and groan, sending vibrations throughout my body. His tongue entered me, and his thumb resumed its original position, though this time he freely rubbed my clit. I was getting close, but I also felt confused. I must've misunderstood him. 

"This might feel weird at first," I heard him warn.

I turned to look at him. "What do you mean?"

Then I watched him lick from my center up to my forbidden zone. A long, loud moan tore itself from my lips. It felt so good, but so dirty at the same time. His tongue made the same movement again, picking up speed. I was glad I always did a thorough shave. I didn't think I would like the feeling of being licked  _ there _ , but I was even wetter than before. Alex also seemed to be enjoying himself and that made it feel even better. Fuck, this was so hot.

"I'm going to put a finger in, okay?" Alex said gently.

I nodded, looking back again. His lips glistened with my juices and I noticed he was fully erect. With one finger, he circled the ring of my ass and his other hand stroked the length of his cock. I braced myself, still looking. He very gently slid his finger in just to the first knuckle. I stiffened beneath him, not sure whether I liked the feeling or not. His thumb was at my clit again, gently circling and pinching it. The stimulation did help, and I found myself adjusting to the new feeling and finding it to be bearable. 

“Are you okay?” He whispered, still stimulating me while keeping his other finger still.

“Yeah,” I hissed through gritted teeth. “Just keep rubbing me.”

And he did. Alex didn’t try to force his finger in further, he continued to rub at my clit. He circled it gently with his thumb while his other fingers brushed the entrance to my center. Finally, it started feeling good and I gave him the go ahead. It was slow going, but Alex bore with me and gave me praises and continued to stimulate me. 

“I don’t think I can bear more than one finger for tonight,” I managed to pant out.

“Don’t worry about that princess, just relax.” Alex rubbed my clit harder, keeping the finger in my ass still. “Cum for me.”

My back arched and my knees ached from being in that position for so long, but my pussy had never felt so good. I was dying for him to fuck me, but I wasn’t going to get his dick inside me until I came. I forced myself over the edge, cumming hard around his finger. 

“That’s a good girl,” he murmured, not pulling his finger away. “Fuck, you feel so tight, Mari.”

His words made my orgasm feel that much better, it was easily one of the more powerful ones I’d had in a while. I definitely wanted to keep exploring that side of myself, but right now I had only one thing on my mind. 

“Fuck me,” I said raggedly, wagging my ass. “Please.”

Gently, Alex pulled his finger from my ass and slipped a condom on quickly. Almost immediately, I felt his cock slide into its rightful place, and I had my face buried in my pillows again. Alex spanked me and pulled at my hair to keep me from collapsing.

“Scream my name, princess,” he growled. “I want everyone to hear you cumming for me.”

As he railed me hard, I realized that I had been craving to be fucked roughly. I don’t know how Alex knew that, but I wasn’t complaining. A small part of me felt like he was taking out his frustrations on me, but if this was Alex taking out his frustrations, I would gladly continue to let him do it. This session felt vastly different from the first few times, needier, hungrier. I loved every second of it.

“Alex!” I moaned. “I’m cumming.”

A deep groan tore itself from Alex’s throat as I came around him again. He pumped himself into me harder and faster than before, digging his fingers into my hips. I felt my head get foggy with sex and my tongue fell out of my mouth in the most undignified way. I was turning into his personal cock-sleeve and fuck did it feel good. A few moments later, Alex groaned again and he stopped. I felt the tell-tale twitch of his cock inside me, which told me that he had finished. I was so overly-stimulated, I wanted him to raw dog me, but I managed to stop that depraved part of myself. 

I collapsed onto the bed, feeling Alex slip out of me. “That was amazing.”

Alex carefully flipped me so I was on my back, and placed my legs around his waist. He started to rub my clit again, faster than before. His green eyes were almost black with lust, and the sight of his erect cock got me excited again. I threw my head back, biting my lower lip and trying to keep from crying out. He wasn’t done yet, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“Mari,” he groaned again, and leaned down to kiss me. 

The sound of his voice made my center clench, and I kissed him back just as passionately. Suddenly, Alex was on top of me, his fingers no longer teasing my clit. He was pressed against me, holding my face with one hand and holding himself up with the other. His tongue danced with mine, and all the ardor from earlier came to a head. This felt completely different than all those other times. He was still needy and frantic, but it was mixed with something else. I couldn’t place the feeling, but I wanted to taste more of it.

“Alex,” I whimpered. “I want you inside me.”

“Let me just get another condom, princess,” he said, shifting so he could get up.

I held him fast against me, kissing him again. “No...I want to feel you…”

Alex stared down at me, gauging my emotions and trying to see if I was being serious. “I’ll be just a moment,” he finally decided.

I still held onto him, digging my nails into his back. This, in turn, made him hiss, but he didn’t look angry. “I’m on the pill. It’ll be fine.”

“You told me to wear a condom,” he said between kisses. “I’m not going to break that part of the agreement.”

I kissed him back, trying to be as tantalizing as possible. I took his hand and placed it on my breast, and wrapped my arms around his neck. My legs then tightened their grip around his waist and I ground myself against him, making sure he could feel every inch of my arousal. Another hiss escaped his lips, and I pressed my lips against his to stop the sound. 

“Please,” I moaned. “I just want to feel it, then you can pull it out.”

Alex chuckled and gave me a look full of longing, then he shook his head. “I can’t.”

I stopped grinding against him and let my legs fall from his waist, looking away from him.

Alex placed a kiss on my forehead, but got up from the bed. “You’ll thank me for that later, Mari.”

I threw a pillow at his head, then turned away, completely frustrated and extremely wet. “Just go.”

“Don’t be like that,” I heard him sigh. “We can try it another time, but right now...emotions are running high. It wouldn’t be a good idea.”

I just rolled myself up into a fetal position and groaned in utter annoyance. The bed rocked from his weight as he sat upon it again. Alex’s hands ran up and down my exposed back. They felt so good, but I wasn’t ready to give in.

“How about we make a deal?” He purred into my ear, then placed a kiss on my shoulder. “If you still want to do that tomorrow morning, we can give it a try.”

I remained positioned away from him, but a small lick of happiness swelled in my chest. “Promise?”

He chuckled, “Promise.”

I sat up and turned to face him, holding up my pinky and giving him a stern look. Alex kissed my lips then grasped my pinky with his, shaking it once. I wrapped my arms around his neck again, eager to get back to where we left off. His hands found my waist and he pressed his chest against mine again. There was something about feeling his chiseled body against mine, the heat it held, the smoothness of his skin. I couldn’t get enough. Once again, I was on my back and he was above me, this time he placed my legs over his shoulders and plunged into me in one swift movement. 

I kept eye contact with him the entire time he thrust himself into me. His green eyes were still dark, and his red lips were slightly parted. He hadn’t even broken a sweat while I was a wet mess. He kissed me again. We’ve kissed so many times today, and all of them felt incredible. I didn’t have to hide who I was from Alex, I could just be myself. He’d seen every part of me, not just the naked parts, and was still here. My heart was full of emotion, and I felt it well up in my eyes. I shut them tight, and let out a passionate moan instead. I didn’t want him to see me getting emotional, it might cause him to stop. 

“Mari,” he whispered. “I’m getting close.”

I gripped the bed sheets beneath me, feeling my toes curl and the familiar knot in my lower abdomen about to release. “Me too,” I panted.

Another orgasm tore through me, and I screamed out Alex’s name. He said my name too, although a lot quieter. We had cum together. He quickly and carefully pulled himself out of me, collapsing on the bed next to me. He pulled me into his arms, and his skin felt feverish against my own. I kissed his neck, then cuddled up close to him. We were getting way too comfortable, but I didn’t want to think about that now. I just wanted to keep feeling this way and I found myself dreading tomorrow, when Alex would leave.

“Don’t forget your promise,” I whispered.

Another chuckle, this one a little sleepy however, escaped his lips. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow, princess.”

His steady breathing lulled me into a dreamy state and I felt my eyes get heavy and finally shut. I was asleep in moments.

…

I woke up before Alex and I managed to untangle myself from his mass of limbs without rousing him. He just turned over and mumbled something in his sleep as I tiptoed to the bathroom. For whatever reason, I wanted to look my best this morning, so I took a quick shower, managing not to get my hair wet. I brushed my teeth and the rat’s nest that was my hair. After drying myself off and dabbing some perfume behind my ears and knees, I quietly re-entered the room. 

“Someone’s excited,” Alex’s voice rang out in the dim room. 

I sighed in defeat and walked back to the bed. “Shut up.”

“You smell good,” he said, pressing his nose against my hair and taking a deep inhale. “Pineapple?”

“Yeah,” I said, blushing slightly. “I made a new soap.”

Alex chuckled and got up from the bed. “I’ll clean up too. I should probably just start leaving my stuff here.”

I giggled, and covered myself up with the blanket again. “I’ll clear some counter space for you.”

With another chuckle, Alex disappeared into the bathroom. The sound of the shower running reminded me that I was still sleepy, and I fell half-asleep. It was that state between being awake and being asleep where you are aware of everything around you, but it feels dreamy. I heard the bathroom door creak open, and felt the bed shift as Alex crawled back in. He smelled like pineapples too and I turned to face him, burying my face into his chest. 

“You asleep, princess?” He whispered, placing a kiss on my head.

“No,” I yawned.

He chuckled, “Do you want me to let you keep sleeping?”

“No,” I said again but another yawn escaped.

Another chuckle. “You asked for it.”

Alex placed himself over me, pushing my knees open with his own. He leaned down to kiss every inch of my face, over and over again. 

“Okay,” I giggled. “I’m awake.”

“Good, ‘cuz I’m starving.” Alex leaped off the bed, dug out a pair of shorts and slipped them on.

I rolled my eyes and got up too, rummaging through my drawers for something to wear. I finally decided on a simple red dress that I liked to wear on off days. The soft fabric was just so comfy, and it had pockets. 

Alex whistled. “I like what you’re wearing.”

I rolled my eyes again, walking past him and into the kitchen. “What do you want to eat?” I pulled out some bacon and eggs and mulled over whether or not I should make pancakes too.

Alex didn’t answer, he just walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I didn’t know you were the little housewife type, Mari.”

I blushed and tried to pull out of his grasp. “Make your own damn breakfast then.”

“You’re so cute when you’re angry,” he murmured into my ear. “I can’t help myself.”

Everything was definitely different now. Being with Alex was as easy as breathing, and now that Sam was off the table, my mind began wandering. Would Alex give up his bachelor ways and want to settle down? I shook the thought from my head. What was I thinking? I’d have more luck locking Ryan down than ever being with Alex in that way. Still, the way he held me and kissed me made me feel like maybe he was feeling that way about me too. I was too shy to ask, so I just decided to cook breakfast.

“Go watch some T.V.,” I snapped playfully. “Breakfast will be ready soon.”

After we’d eaten and Alex cleaned up the kitchen, I was feeling even more conflicted than before. Alex kept smiling that dashing smile at me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about last night. I still wanted to feel him inside me sans condom, but it was more than that. Realization hit me as I sat on the couch, cuddled up against Alex while watching a cooking show rerun. I liked Alex. A lot. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I was super comfortable around him, not just when having sex, but in regular things. We showered together, cuddled, hung out at each other’s homes. Granted, I did all that with platonic friends and with Sam, but this  _ thing  _ with Alex was just different. It felt right. 

“You okay down there, princess?” Alex asked, turning down the volume to the T.V..

I nodded silently, staring straight at the screen. “Peachy keen, jelly bean.”

“That’s a new one,” Alex chuckled. “Something’s definitely up.” He sat us upright, and turned my chin up to meet his gaze. “What’s going through your head?”

I avoided his gaze, instead I looked down at my hands and fiddled with the hem of my dress. “I think I ate too much.”

“Stomach ache?” he asked, a tinge of disappointment in his eyes.

“Yeah,” I mumbled.

Alex ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “If you want me to go, you can just tell me.”

I snapped my head up to look at him. “No, that’s not it at all.”

“Then what’s really going on?” Alex gave me a serious look, one that I’d only seen once and that was just yesterday when he told me to get over Sam. “You’re being dramatic again.”

I rolled my eyes and threw my head back to look up at the ceiling. “Get used to it babe, I’m a dramatic person.”

He let out a humourless laugh. “You can say that again.”

“I’m a dramatic person,” I said, giving him a coy smile.

“No, the other thing,” he leaned in close, looking at my lips. 

“What?” I gave him a confused look. “Babe?”

“Yeah, I kind of like it.” He kissed me. Hard.

We melted into each other, kissing and clutching as if we needed each other to remain bound to the earth. His hungry kisses seared my lips and I couldn’t get enough of them. His arms wound themselves around my waist, pulling me as close to him as possible. My arms rested on his shoulders while my fingers played with the hair on the nape of his neck. Our tongues met and a small moan escaped me, and in one swift movement, I was straddling Alex.

“As much as I like this dress, princess, I’ll have to remove it.” Alex pulled the garment over my head and tossed it behind me.

His hands roamed every part of my naked flesh he could touch, warming my skin. I leaned down to kiss his shoulder, and Alex’s teeth grazed against my neck as I did so. Fuck, this felt so right. I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else anymore, and that thought tore at me. I pulled away suddenly, looking down at him while breathing heavily.

Alex looked up at me with lustful eyes, “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

I shook my head. “No.”

Before he could say anything else, or protest, I kissed him again. Harder and deeper than before, and every bit as needy and hungry as he was. This was the moment I realized I’d fallen for Alex the Jock. The attraction had always been there, ever since I moved to Pelican Town, but my infatuation with Sam had always overpowered it. As I kissed him and felt his hands grope me, I decided that I wouldn’t tell Alex what I was thinking. At least for now. I didn’t want our little escapades to end yet. He was just so unbelievably delicious and I didn’t want to share. 

“Do you still want me to do that thing?” He whispered between kisses. 

My body screamed yes, but I shook my head again. “No, you were right. Emotions were running pretty high last night.”

I couldn’t place the emotion I saw on his face, but he just gave me his signature smirk and started kissing me again. Everytime we parted, a string of saliva connected our lips, and I moved to connect with him again. My core was aching for release, but I just wanted to keep kissing him, to keep feeling his body pressed against mine. I felt like this would be the last time I would ever kiss Alex again, as silly as that thought was. As if sensing my urgency, Alex lifted us from the couch, holding on to me tightly and carrying me to the bedroom. He kicked off his shorts as he walked, careful to remain balanced and keep his lips on mine.

“I want to taste you again,” he growled against my swollen lips.

I whimpered and felt goosebumps cover my body. “Yes, sir.”

A shudder ran through him as he dropped me on the bed and he gave me an intense look. “Don’t call me ‘sir’.”

“Why?” I squeaked, dying for him to touch me again.

“You don’t know what you do to me, princess,” he said, putting a hand beneath my chin and kissing me again. “Do you?”

Alex laid next to me on his back, his erection twitching with need. I reached a hand over to stroke it, and he reached over to sit me on his chest facing his erection. I shifted so my center was just above his face and I lowered my mouth to his throbbing member. I licked it gingerly, and I felt Alex’s hot breath against my dripping pussy as he exhaled hard. I took the head in my mouth, swirling my tongue around it as I sucked. As soon as I did that, Alex’s tongue was deep within my folds, fucking me.

I moaned through the grith of his cock and continued to bob my head up and down, as deep as I could. My gag reflex was barely triggered, but when it was, it sent a delicious shudder down to my toes. I loved the feeling of being filled in any way possible. Alex’s tongue gave me long, full strokes, from my pussy up my ass. My hips were moving to keep the friction going, but he put his arms around my thighs to keep me from wriggling too much. He kept doing those long licks as I continued to deep throat him, and soon enough the familiar knot of pleasure was forming deep within me. 

“Mari,” he groaned. “I’m close.”

I panted, momentarily taking my mouth off him. “Me too.”

As soon as I got back to sucking him down and he returned to licking me hard, my legs shook with pleasure. I could tell I was dripping, not just from his saliva, but my natural juices that pooled onto his chest. I was just about to cum, and thankfully, he didn’t stop. The knot within me undid itself, and ground my pussy against his lips, riding out my orgasm. His dick slipped from my mouth and his semen covered my face as he came as well. He didn’t stop licking and sucking until I stopped moving. 

I rolled off him and laid on my back, breathing hard. “I...ruined...your...orgasm, right?”

Alex chuckled, panting just as hard and sitting up to look at me. “You’ll make it up to me.”

I giggled lazily, biting my lip. I didn’t mind being covered in his seed, though it was starting to get cold and sticky. 

“You look good covered in my cum, princess,” he murmured. “You should wear it more often.”

His dirty words brought on another round of excitement, and I was ready for round two. “You want me to keep it on while you fuck me silly?”

He put a hand over his heart in a mock gesture of being moved. “I thought you’d never ask.”

I spread my legs open, inviting him in. “Use me. I do owe you one.”

Another shudder spread through him as he looked at my wet pussy. He quickly rolled on a condom, and slipped inside me. He picked me up in his arms and held us both up as he rammed himself into me. I wrapped my arms and legs around him to keep from falling, but there was no need. His powerful thrusts and strong grip kept me in place, and I felt my head loll back in ecstasy. I would let Alex use me as much as he wanted, especially if this is what he had in mind every time.

“Mari,” he hissed. “Look at me.”

I pulled my head up to look at him, biting my lower lip. “Yes, sir.”

A growl escaped him and he kissed me, seemingly forgetting my lips still had some of his seed on them. We were connected in more ways than one, and it felt like time slowed down as he held me close. This was the day everything changed. The day I would let him ruin me as much as he wanted, because I knew that he would put me back together again. 

“Say my name,” he whispered between kisses. 

“Alex,” I moaned.

He threw his head back, forcing himself into me harder. “Louder.”

“Alex!” I screamed, digging my nails into his back. “Oh, Alex! Harder, faster!”

Alex obliged, hilting himself into me as fast as he could in the position we were in. He was hitting my g-spot perfectly, and I felt my tongue poke out of my mouth as I threw my head back again. I was getting close again, and I felt my toes curl instinctually.

“Mari,” he moaned, biting my neck. “Mari, I’m…”

We came together again, another powerful orgasm tearing through me. We held each other tight, trying to catch our breath and reveling in the feeling of bliss. 

“Alex,” I whispered. 

“Yeah, princess?” He whispered back.

“I’m going to clear off a space in the bathroom for you and give you a key,” I said impulsively. 

He chuckled into my ear, making my skin tingle. “I’d like that.”

“You would?” 

We carefully untangled ourselves and collapsed on the bed, a few inches apart to cool down. Alex looked over at me, his green eyes sparkling. “Of course.”

I gave him a toothy smile and shook my head. Maybe I was imagining it, but I had the feeling that Alex might feel the same way about me. I wasn’t going to ask because I didn’t want to ruin everything, but maybe I didn’t have to. Maybe this would evolve into whatever it was evolving into. Alex smiled back at me, just as wide and just as full of affection.

At least I wouldn’t be lonely anymore.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think in the comments below and if you want another part :) Cheers!


	4. Summertime Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari is in love with Alex, and she thinks Alex feels the same. However, when Sam and Penny break up, Alex feels threatened. Will they admit their feelings or fall by the wayside?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you're all doing well. I decided to compile this story into chapters instead of parts because it truly is a part of one story. Sorry for doing that whole thing before, it was pretty dumb of me. Please enjoy this chapter!
> 
> I do not claim to own the songs "Summertime Sadness" or "Hot Girl Bummer". Don't come for me, please!

After I’d given Alex a key to my place and some bathroom space, he came over so often it was like he was a roommate. Every time I’d ask him why he stayed over so much he’d say he felt cramped back at his grandparents’ house. It was nice to have him be over so much, especially because we had gotten so close. It was like we were best friends now, just like I had been with Sam. Well, plus the whole sex thing. 

The energy between Alex and I shifted the night after our beach date. A part of me wondered if he could tell too, but I was far too chicken to ask. Instead, we went continued our agreement; meeting on the weekends, fucking without any strings attached, and going back to our daily lives. I wasn’t sure if anyone else could tell that we had something going on and I never heard any rumors floating around. Still, someone could find out at any time. The thought didn’t bother me as much anymore, the thought of people knowing Alex and I were a thing. A secret part wanted to tell everyone, but I held that back. 

I sighed deeply, finally having finished washing the dishes, and looked out the window. It was the last week of Summer, the Luau would be on Saturday and we’d all be busy getting ready for Fall. The trees looked less and less green as the weeks had gone by and the grass on my property was becoming a pale yellow. With the harvest would come a ton of work until the festival, then I could relax until next Spring. My mind wandered toward the Winter. If Alex and I were still doing this thing maybe it wouldn’t be as boring as I’d read about. I shook my head. I shouldn’t get ahead of myself.

I sighed again, thinking about Sam and how many times I’d seen him in the past month. He looked so happy, smiling and laughing with Penny. It didn’t upset me as much as I thought it would, but my heart still yearned for what he had. He was so sweet with her too, always putting his jacket over her shoulders and bringing her flowers. My heart still dropped whenever I saw him and my stomach still filled with butterflies whenever he texted me, but it wasn’t as strong as before. I had Alex, as temporary as that might be.

My phone buzzed with a text from Sam.

_ Can I come over? :( _

I felt my brows crinkle with confusion. Why would he want to come over here? The thought of him hanging out at my place felt so wrong. Not only because he had a girlfriend, but because of all of Alex’s stuff strewn around. I wouldn’t be able to hide my relationship (if you could call it that) with Alex. I ran my fingers through my hair, thinking.

My phone buzzed again. Another text from Sam.

_ Please? _

Another sigh tore out of me and I typed a response.

_ Sure, but give me a few minutes to clean up. _

The response back was quick.

_ :) _

I rushed to tidy up. I stuffed a pair of Alex’s shoes into my closet along with some of his clothes. I hid away his toothbrush and hair products under the sink with his loofah and towel. Once I felt the house was Alex-free and tidy enough to be seen, I told Sam to come over. I chewed my thumbnail, feeling anxious all of a sudden. Why did I feel like I was cheating on Alex? It’s not like he was my boyfriend. 

The guilt and nerves would eat me alive if I didn’t say anything, so I crafted a quick text to Alex.

_ Sam’s coming over. Just thought you would want to know.  _

Almost immediately I got a response back. 

_ Why? _

I chewed my thumbnail again. His response was strangely aggressive.

_ I don’t know. He asked if he could and I said yes. Maybe he just wants to talk about something that happened between him and Penny? _

Another response, this one a little slower than the last.

_ Ok. _

I felt guiltier and more nervous than before even though I’d been completely honest with Alex. I didn’t know how to respond, and thankfully, I was distracted from his simple text. Sam’s knock on the door took me out of my anxious thoughts and I rushed to open the door. 

“Hey,” I said. “Come on in.”

Sam stepped into the house, but he wasn’t as sparkly as I once thought he was. His blonde hair was messy and stringy and his blue eyes looked a little bloodshot. He kicked off his shoes then stuffed his hands into his pockets. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked, concerned. He’s never been this quiet.

He shrugged, looking around as if he was trying to find something. 

I took his arm and led him to the couch and made him sit down. I sat on the shag area rug before it, legs crossed and looking up expectantly. He looked so sad, I hadn’t seen that look before. 

“Penny broke up with me two days ago,” he said.

My eyes almost popped out of my head. “What?”

Sam didn’t even look at me, he focused his gaze on the wall behind me. “Pam was saying some stuff about Penny not working enough because I was distracting her. When I told Pam that Penny wasn’t her servant, she got really mad at me. The next day, Penny told me she couldn’t hang out anymore.”

I shook my head in anger, but I remained silent. I’ve always found Pam to be off-putting and over-bearing on her daughter. This just confirmed my suspicions. 

“We still text and stuff and she tells me that she loves me but…” he trailed off, closing his eyes and leaning back into the couch. “I was so happy.”

I put a hand on his knee in a comforting gesture, patting it slightly. “I know. I could see it.”

He opened his eyes. “Maybe it’s for the best. We didn’t have a lot in common.”

“Now you’re just looking for things to say so you don’t miss her so much,” I said, taking my hand back. “It’s okay to miss her, you just broke up.”

He looked at me, shaking his head. “I do miss her, but I was being honest about her and I not having stuff in common. We didn’t like the same music, I’m not much of a reader, she’s not much of a skater--”

“You don’t have to have everything in common,” I interrupted. “I think it’s important that you love each other and that you’re willing to try new things together to find out what you both like. Having things in common doesn’t signify a great relationship, it’s how much love you have for each other and supporting each other to go for your dreams. That’s what’s important.”

Sam stared at me as if he were seeing me for the first time in a while. 

“I could tell that you guys loved each other very much. The way you looked at each other said it all. You guys were intense. Abby and I made a bet that you two would be the first to get married.”

Sam finally smiled, but it was sad. “I thought that too.”

“It’s not the end of the world you know,” I sat on my knees, serious. “Save up from your job at Joja and get yourself a place, then you and her can get a place of your own with a skate ramp and a library.”

He laughed. Finally. “You know us so well.”

I laughed too. There was no more awkwardness between us. It was as if we had rewound time and went back to the time before we kissed. Except that this time, I didn’t have a painful crush on him. As fluttery as he made me feel, it was faint and overshadowed by Alex’s presence. Alex’s text from earlier made my smile vanish and the anxiety return. He had to be mad, though I wasn’t entirely sure why he would be. Nothing could possibly happen between Sam and I.

“Thanks for letting me come over,” he said. “I’m really glad we can still be friends. It’s been a while since we’ve hung out.”

I giggled. “Yeah well...” I trailed off.

He nodded in a way that said he understood completely. “Well, now we can hang out, right?”

“Won’t that make Penny jealous?” I teased.

“Nah,” he waved the thought away. “She’s not like that. I don’t think anyway.”

I leaned back on my hands, stretching my legs out before me. “You don’t think?”

“She never got mad when I hung out with Seb,” he shrugged.

“Seb’s a guy.”

“So?”

“So,” I said, exasperated. “It’s different.”

“Penny’s pretty mature, Mari,” he said, defending his ex. “I don’t think you and me hanging out again like we always have will piss her off. That’s Haley’s thing.”

He had me there, Penny was definitely not one for confrontation. I do know, however, that the kind ones are always the scariest when pushed to their limits. I didn’t want to see Penny mad at me, or anyone for that matter. How she dealt with Pam’s bullshit was beyond me.

“What have you been up to?” he asked.

I flinched and looked down to inspect my fingernails. “Same old, same old. Getting ready for harvest season.”

“Must be hard work,” he said sympathetically.

I flexed my muscles. “I can handle it.”

He laughed again. “I’ve missed you.”

I rolled my eyes. “No, you haven’t. You’ve been too busy with Penny.”

Sam gave me a serious look. “I still think about our kiss sometimes.”

My stomach dropped and I looked down at my nails again. “No way.”

“Seriously,” he said quickly. “It just pops up in my head and...I must have really hurt you. Forgive me?”

“I already did, dude,” I said. “You shouldn’t think about that anymore.”

“But I do. Too much, actually.”

I didn’t answer, I felt much too awkward again. My mind drifted off to Alex. What would he say about the conversation Sam and I were having right now?

“Do you?” He asked.

I feigned ignorance. “Hm?”

He gave me an annoyed look. “Ugh.”

I stood up and walked to the fridge to grab some water. My throat was feeling dry. “Want something?”

“An answer,” he snapped.

“Does it matter if I have or haven’t?” I asked, mirroring his annoyance. “It’s in the past. Let’s leave it there.”

I heard him sigh again as I took a drink of water. I brought him a cup and stood before him awkwardly.

“Thanks,” he said after draining the cup.

“No problem,” I answered. 

The jovial mood was now gone and replaced with awkward tension. Was Sam trying to tell me something? Did he want to hook up? Weeks ago I would have jumped at the thought about him and Penny breaking up, but now it just felt uncomfortable. I could feel Alex’s army green eyes watching me all the way from Evelyn and George’s place.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Sam said. “I always ruin everything.”

“That’s not true,” I answered, sitting down again. “It’s just...you chose Penny, so there’s no point in talking about it anymore.”

He nodded, deep in thought. “I guess I was just wondering if you still thought about it. It must have sucked seeing us together.”

My eyebrows knit themselves together and I shook my head. “I don’t believe this.”

Sam’s eyes widened innocently. “What?”

“You wanted me to be your rebound now that you and Penny are over,” I said flatly.

Sam shook his head a little too quickly. “That’s not it at all. I was just curious.”

I scoffed, not believing him. “Then why were you asking? You just broke up with Penny. You should be crying over her if you loved her so much.”

“I do,” he said, hurt. “I just--”

“Get out,” I said harshly. “Sorry to disappoint, but I’m not gonna be your rebound.”

“Mari, I--” he started again, but he was interrupted.

“She told you to leave,” I heard Alex’s voice say.

My heart hammered against my chest and I whipped my head toward the front door. He had managed to sneak in without us hearing him. 

Sam looked at me, then at Alex, then at me again. His blue eyes hardened and he stood from the chair. “I see.”

Alex’s gaze was just as hard as he stared Sam down. I stared at the floor as Sam made it to the door. Yoba, this was so dramatic. 

“I really didn’t mean what you think, Mari,” Sam said before leaving. “I’m sorry.”

Once he was gone, and the door was tightly shut and locked behind Alex I ran my hands through my hair in exasperation. Alex still stood at the door, his hard gaze on me now. What was his problem? 

“What?” I snapped.

Alex didn’t move a muscle. He looked like an Adonis statue, standing in my doorway. “Did he hurt you?”

I rolled my eyes and threw my hands up over my head. “No!”

“Why did you let him come over?” Alex said, that steely look still on his face. He still hadn’t moved.

“Because he’s my friend,” I answered coldly. “I’m allowed to have friends over, Alex.”

“He hurt you,” he said. “He chose Penny. You should have written him off right then and there.”

I laughed humorlessly. “I did. But he’s still my best friend. He and Penny broke up and he wanted to talk to someone about it.”

“He and Sebastian are butt buddies,” Alex replied. “Why didn’t he talk to him?”

I didn’t have an answer for Alex, so I deflected. “Why do you care so much?”

Alex softened his gaze and finally stepped into the house fully. He stood before me and put his hands on my shoulders. His normally warm grasp was ice cold. “I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“How long were you standing there anyway?” I asked, pushing his hands off me and walking toward the kitchen. “And why are you here?” I grabbed two glasses and poured us some pink lemonade.

Alex sat down on the couch. “When you told him off. I’m proud of you babe. Standing up for yourself like that. It’s hot.”

I handed him a glass and he took it gratefully. It must’ve been a scorcher today by the sheen of sweat on Alex’s face. That or he ran here. Knowing him, it had to be the latter. He always made an excuse to exercise.

“I overreacted,” I said sadly. “He was just asking me a question and I blew it out of proportion.”

I told Alex what had happened and he just nodded seriously. He took a sip from his lemonade and I watched his body relax. 

“I don’t think you overreacted,” Alex answered when I had finished talking. “I can’t believe the ass thought he could crawl back to you after getting dumped.”

I winced at Alex’s words, taking a sip of my own drink. The cold liquid gave me a brain freeze but I bore it as a punishment for being so rude to Sam. He didn’t deserve to be treated that way. Especially after a breakup. His feelings must have been all over the place and I just made things worse. I would have to text him later on to apologize.

“Besides,” Alex continued. “I bet Penny broke up with him because he was so wishy-washy about his feelings. Pathetic.”

“They broke up because of Pam’s incessant drinking and codependence,” I defended fiercely. “His feelings have nothing to do with it. In fact, he said he wanted to get a place with her.”

Alex raised his hands in defeat. “Sorry, that was mean of me.” He was silent for a moment. “Still, why did he ask you about the kiss and if you were thinking about it?”

I faltered and slumped my shoulders. “He must be all mixed up. Breakups can mess with people. You and I both know that. I was way too harsh.”

Alex and I both sighed at the same time and took drinks from our glasses. I felt my heart ache with sadness. I had hurt my friend. Even if Sam wanted to hook up, I shouldn’t have chased him off. We could have had a civilized conversation. Though, Alex showing up would have made it awkward either way.

“Why did you come?” I asked.

“I have a key, babe,” he answered airily. “I can come over whenever I want.”

I raised an eyebrow, shaking my head. “Why. Did. You. Come?”

Another sigh escaped Alex’s full lips. “I wanted to see if you were okay.”

I stopped myself from smiling. “Why?”

He stammered. “W-well, I remembered how you felt about him and I didn’t want you to get sad again.”

I bit my lower lip, still fighting the smile that threatened to spill over. “Were you jealous?”

Alex’s cheeks flushed and he crossed his arms. “No.”

I giggled and put my glass down on the ground beside me. “You can’t lie to me anymore, Alex. I know all your tells.”

A serious look overcame him as he looked down at me, his flushed cheeks going back to normal. “I shouldn’t have been.”

My smile faded, and I looked down.

“I have no right to feel that way, and yet...thinking about you two in this house together pissed me off.” Alex sounded hoarse while he spoke. 

My smile was back. I stood from the ground and straddled Alex while he still sat on the couch. His hands automatically gripped my lower back and he raised his head to look up at me. 

I pressed my forehead against his, looking into his eyes. “Nothing happened,” I whispered.

He still had that serious look on his face as he stared back at me. “We have an agreement. If one of us breaks it then it’s over.”

“But it hasn’t been broken,” I said earnestly. “And I don’t plan to any time soon.”

A small smile broke out on his handsome features. “Neither do I.”

“Then stop worrying about it,” I answered. “Soon enough we’ll part ways and you can have your life back. But it won’t be any time soon. Unless, you want it to be.”

He chuckled. “You won’t be able to find dick like mine anywhere else, babe.”

I pulled my face back from his and rolled my eyes. “How do you know I haven’t already?”

His eyes glimmered. “Have you now?”

I giggled and gave him a coy smile. “Your dick ain’t that bomb, sweetie.”

His grip around me tightened and I felt excitement coat my panties. “Careful, or I’ll punish you.”

I bit my lower lip. “If your dick is so good, why don’t you have a fanclub of all the girls you’ve slept with around you 24/7?”

He gave me a cocky smile. “I do, I just choose to ignore them. You’re a jealous girl, Mari.”

“Why not go back to your bachelor life then?” I teased. “You can have all the pussy you want.”

“Now you’ve done it,” he growled.

He stood up suddenly, still holding me. My legs wrapped themselves around his waist and I felt my heart race in my chest. I hoped he couldn’t hear it. He took us to the bedroom and threw me on the bed, ripping off my pants and shirt and leaving me in my panties.

“You’re a little slut, aren’t you?” He purred, tweaking one of my nipples. “Not wearing a bra when a boy comes to see you.”

I bit my lip and my toes curled. “You didn’t answer my question.”

He leaned forward to nip my neck then his lips reached my ear. “I’m in charge now, princess. So shut up and get nice and wet for me.”

His dirty words always made me soaked, and I just loved pushing his buttons. “Make me.”

He flipped me so my ass was in the air and he began to spank me. “Always such a brat. You like being punished, don’t you?”

I moaned as his hands ravaged my ass and spread my legs open. “You don’t...ah...know that.”

Another round of rough spankings came in response to my answer. Then they stopped all together for him to peel my panties off my wet center. A finger brushed itself against my swollen clit and I felt my pussy clench at the touch. A chuckle escaped Alex’s lips. He loved to torture me. I felt his tongue replace his finger and he licked those long licks into me that I’ve come to love. He stuffed a finger into my ass, as I’ve become accustomed to and then another. We were starting to get to a place where he might be able to slide his length in. I was both thrilled and anxious, but I had determined that I would try. Alex had proven that I could trust him to go at my pace.

Alex took his two other fingers and slid them into my slick core. He fingered both my holes at the same time, stimulating my g-spot to a point where I was a drooling mess. I felt the knot of pleasure swell in my lower abdomen. Alex was able to rub my clit as he kept his fingers in my ass and pussy, and that friction forced me over the edge and toward my orgasm. My legs shook as I screamed into my pillow. He really knew how to work my body now, what the combination was to unlock my pleasure.

He gently pulled his fingers out of me, gave me one last long lick and grabbed a condom from the bedside table drawer. Before I fully regained my senses, I forced myself up and turned to face him. 

“Don’t put it on yet,” I said huskily. 

He did as he was told and put the condom back on the table. He gave me a questioning look, asking with his eyes what I wanted. I moved closer to him and cupped his balls with my hand. As I did that, my lips latched onto his neck and shoulders. He let out a sigh and put his hands around my waist, smacking my ass a couple times. 

“Stand up,” I ordered.

He did as I asked, and I took my place on my knees. I loved seeing him at this angle. The way his member twitched and bobbed in front of my face was such an enticing sight. I ran my hands down his lower abdomen, over his pubic bone, and down his legs then back up. 

“Mari,” he whispered. “Please.”

The reason I loved being on my knees was sheerly to hear the sexy quality Alex’s voice took on. It was needy and hoarse and something I couldn’t get enough of. Besides, pleasure begets pleasure and the more we make each other cum, the better the night. It’s become a little game we play. How many times can we make the other cum until they’re spent? The last one standing (figuratively speaking) wins, and I have yet to win. 

I took his length into my mouth, his familiar girth made me quiver with pleasure. I continued to massage his balls with one hand and sucked his member as far as I could take it. Once he hit the back of my throat, I began my frantic pace. Usually I build up to the pleasure, teasing him, but tonight I was determined to make him cum quickly. His hands reached down to tangle themselves into my hair and keep my pushed down onto him. A puddle of juices was forming on the floor beneath me, and I reached a hand down to toy with my clit. 

I continued to bob my head up and down, sucking and licking as I did. It was a messy blow job. Just how Alex liked it. 

“I’m gonna…”Alex groaned. “I’m cumming.”

I took my mouth off just as he was cumming, letting him paint my face with his seed. His head snapped down to look at me and he glowered. I had ruined his orgasm. I let a smirk break across my face, letting him know that I had done it on purpose. 

“You’re gonna regret that,” he growled.

I just opened my mouth again, letting my tongue hang out in invitation for him to bury himself into it again. Now came my favorite part. Being used as a cock sleeve.

Instead of him putting himself into my mouth, he took my chin and forced me to stand. I gave him a confused look. “Aren’t you going to punish me?”

Alex leaned in to kiss my lips, not caring about his semen on my face. “Get on the bed, princess.”

The way he said it made my legs shake with anticipation and my center quiver. “Yes, sir.” I laid back in the bed, keeping my legs spread for him to see me. 

“On your knees,” he commanded, gripping his cock in one hand and rolling a condom onto it.

I did as I was told, a tingle of nerves going up my spine. He spat on my ass and teased the tip of his length against it. I got nervous, but forced myself to relax. We’d been training for this, and he would never hurt me. 

He leaned over me to whisper in my ear. “Remember the safe word?”

I nodded. “Gridball.”

He kissed my ear. “Do you trust me?” He added tenderly.

I nodded again, turning my head so I could reach his lips. The kiss was a little awkward because of our position but it made me feel a lot better. 

“Take a deep breath, and relax,” he commanded, though there was a gentility to his voice.

I heard a pop of a bottle and looked back to see him coat his sleeved cock with some lube. I wondered how long he had been waiting for this moment. His hands gripped my hips and forced me into position. No amount of wriggling would break his grasp. Not that I wanted to anyway.

“Play with your clit, princess,” he said.

As I touched myself, his fingers entered my ass once again. I got accustomed to the feeling once more and when I felt comfortable I gave my assent for him to enter. Gently, he placed the tip of his penis against me and pushed it in. I kept rubbing my clit, and grit my teeth. It was pleasurable, but a lot wider than his fingers. He stopped, allowing me to get accustomed. Once I gave him the okay, he moved again. Little by little he would push himself in, waiting for my assent. Finally, he was fully sheathed within me. I was full in a different way. Suddenly, I felt like a deranged sex beast, ready to be ravaged. 

Alex must have sensed this because he began to pull himself out slowly. He then pushed himself back in. I played with clit as he did so, wishing I had something in my pussy as well. I would definitely ask him if we could try double penetration next time. It was something I didn’t know I wanted until now. I refocused on Alex’s pace, moaning and hissing with pleasure. I was getting close again.

“Fuck, Mari,” he exclaimed. His voice told me he was getting close again. “You’re so tight.”

I bit my lip and rubbed my clit faster, though Alex kept his pace slow. I didn’t know if he was concerned he would hurt me or if he was trying to keep himself from cumming to soon, but it felt amazing. I was getting to my limit as well. 

“Together,” I managed to get out between pants. “Please, Alex.”

He gripped my hips tighter, and I felt him twitch inside me. I came again, as did he. My legs gave out and I fell to the bed, taking him with me. My ass throbbed deliciously around him as I rode out my orgasm, and he continued to twitch. I secretly wondered how good it would feel without a condom, but I shook the thought from my head. That would never happen. 

Once again, very slowly, Alex pulled himself out, discarded the condom and collapsed beside me. I turned to look at him, breathing hard and feeling my legs shake uncontrollably. His eyes were closed and he was breathing hard as well, a light sheen of sweat coated his brow. He looked so handsome.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Amazing,” I said. 

“Good.”

I suddenly felt shy. “Did you like it?”

His eyes flew open, and he gave me an incredulous look. “Of course I did.”

I blushed, looking away. “More than...more than the other way?”

Alex chuckled and he forced himself up. He caged me in his arms and kissed me deeply. It was our first real kiss of the evening. “It’s just different. Like how your mouth is different.”

I felt silly feeling so insecure, I could barely look at him. “Okay.”

Alex’s erection poked me in the belly, and my eyes shot up to his. His recovery time was incredible, I had to give him that.

“Look at me,” he whispered. “You are amazing. Thank you for sharing that with me.”

My heart stopped and I looked away, blushing. He’d never told me I was amazing before. “Was I your first?”

“Actually yeah,” he said, chuckling. He laid back down next to me, pulling me into his arms.

“Really?” I felt a little smug. I was Alex’s first on something. “You seemed to know what you were doing.”

“Lots of research, babe,” he gave me a grin. 

I giggled. “I should go clean up. You got your cum in my hair.”

He kissed me again, deeply and sweetly. “Before you go. I need to ask you something.”

I gave him a curious look. “Yeah?”

He sighed, and pulled away from me slightly. “Do you still like Sam?”

“After all that, you’re asking me if I still like him?” I rolled my eyes, shakily forcing myself up from the bed. 

Alex grabbed my wrist and pulled me back, he sat up and forced me onto his lap. “I just want to know where your head’s at.”

I swallowed hard. The last time I told a guy I liked him, he’d kissed me then hooked up with someone else. I wasn’t about to tell Alex the truth. “Honestly, I’m not thinking about anyone like that.”

Alex leaned down to kiss me again. “Okay.”

“Why?” I asked, pulling away to look at his eyes. I could always tell when something bugged him.

Alex bit his lower lip and looked away. “You just always talk about this being temporary. So I wanted to know if someone else had caught your eye or if you were gonna try your luck with lover boy again.”

“We already talked about this,” I said, placing a reassuring kiss on his lips. “I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

His smile was back and he kissed me back, coaxing the heat from my body again. “Go get cleaned up. I’m not done with you yet.”

I giggled and ran to the bathroom.

…

My buzzing phone woke me from my sleep. Alex stirred next to me and his arm felt heavy across my chest. I carefully pushed it off me, and he turned over, still asleep. I blushed and bit back a smile. Seeing him next to me most mornings was a nice way to wake up.

I grabbed my phone from the night table and rubbed my eyes of sleep so I could read.

_ Can we talk? _

My heart sank as I read Sam’s text. As much as I wanted to talk to him, Alex’s presence made me feel uneasy about it. I turned to look at his back, studying the muscles and divots. His slow breathing helped me relax, but not by much. What if my wanting to continue my friendship with Sam caused Alex to leave? I looked down at my phone again. 

Alex wasn’t my boyfriend. As much as I liked having him around, I couldn’t be sure he felt the same. How many women had he rehabilitated? I was probably just another project to him. Even though the energy between us had shifted, how much of that was a chemical reaction from our sexual relationship? When you wear rose colored glasses, red flags just look like flags. Or so I’d heard from a very intelligent TV show. 

I texted Sam back.

_ When? _

An almost immediate text pinged back.

_ This afternoon. My place.  _

I shook my head, crafting a text back.

_ No, somewhere neutral. Stardrop Saloon.  _

Another response.

_ Just us. _

I didn’t respond, not that I would know what to say to that. It was clear he was still upset about Alex’s appearance the other day. The sheets rustled and I looked over to see Alex staring back at me. My heart skipped a beat and I placed my phone on the night table again, feeling guilty. 

“Good morning,” I said, trying to force my heart back to a normal rate.

Alex didn’t say anything and kept his jaw clenched.

I sighed, knowing that he had read the texts over my shoulder. “We’re just going to talk. I was rude and I want to apologize.”

“Sure,” was all he said, shifting onto his back to stare at the ceiling.

I felt angry and threw the covers off me, standing up. “What’s your problem?”

“Nothing.” Alex stayed in position, not even looking at me. “It’s none of my business. You’re not my girlfriend.”

My limbs felt heavy and I sat on the edge of the bed. “Then why does it feel like you’re mad at me?”

“Because,” he said. “I am.”

I slumped my shoulders. “Why?”

“Because you’re being unfair. You said that you would tell me if you wanted to break our agreement. Now you’re meeting with him behind my back.”

“How many times do we have to go over this?” I asked smally. “That’s not going to happen.”

Alex stepped out of bed and threw some clothes on. “I think you need to decide who you want to hang out with.”

“You’re acting like a child,” I cried. “Why are you so jealous? It’s not like you’re my boyfriend or anything. If you’re gonna keep acting like this, maybe we should call this whole thing off.”

Alex leaned down so his face was inches from mine. “Is that what you want?”

I avoided his eyes. “No, I just want everything to go back to normal.”

He pulled back and sat next to me. “I don’t know how to do that.”

I put my head on his shoulder. “Just do what you were doing before.”

Again, he pulled away. “I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” I challenged, standing over Alex.

He looked up at me. “I wanted this to work, but I can’t do this anymore. Not if you want to keep being friends with Sam.”

“Then leave,” I answered. “Because I have been nothing but honest with you. Sam and I are just friends, I don’t want to be with him like that anymore. Yeah I still get butterflies when I see him but it’s different now. He chose someone else, so I did too.”

Alex remained silent, he just kept looking up at me. 

Tears pricked my eyes. “I chose you Alex. Why isn’t that enough for you?”

“Because you aren’t, Mari,” he said quietly. “You’re choosing him too. And I won’t share you.”

Before I could answer him, he stood and kissed me on the forehead. The touch felt final, sad, and full of longing. My chest tightened as he grabbed all his things and threw them in a bag. He placed my house key on the bedside table next to my phone. 

“See you around, farm girl,” he said.

My heart stopped as he said those words. “Lose my number and don’t talk to me again.”

Alex gave me one last look and left my bedroom. I heard the front door open and close, and then silence. I was alone again. But it wasn’t my fault. Why was Alex being so difficult about this? Why couldn’t he understand that Sam and I were just friends? Why did he leave? I felt my chest tighten further and the tears spill over my cheek. 

This was worse than when I found Ryan and Lena in my bed. By that point, I knew that Ryan and I were on the last legs of our relationship. This was worse than when Sam chose Penny after kissing me, because my idea of our relationship was based on a fantasy. Alex leaving me told me that I loved him, deeply. We’d forged a relationship based on physical intimacy, but it had become something more than that. He was my best friend and my lover rolled up into one. 

I wanted to run after him, but I couldn’t force myself to. He’d made the decision to leave. He couldn’t handle not being the only man in my life and I’ll be damned if I run after that womanizer. Could it be possible that he had been playing me this entire time and now that he’d done what he wanted he just wanted an excuse to dip out? The ache in my chest grew bigger and a sob escaped my lips. Followed by another and another. I threw myself back into bed and curled up into the fetal position. 

Alex didn’t want me anymore. He was probably tired of our agreement and wanted to get back to Haley and stop using condoms. If that’s how he wanted to play it then good riddance. As much as I told myself all these things, the crying and wailing wouldn’t stop. I’d lost him. I wish I would have told him how I felt but maybe that would have been wasted. I cried, and cried, and cried. 

I lay in bed so long, I missed my appointment with Sam. I kept thinking about Alex and his eyes, and his smile, and how he could make me laugh so easily. I started to doubt my decision insisting that I could just be friends with Sam. Was he right about me choosing the both of them? Was I the asshole? I pushed those thoughts aside. Alex was the one who was jealous. Alex was the one who gave me the ultimatum. If anyone should feel bad, it was him. Fuck Alex.

I heard the patter of rain on the roof and the sound brought on a fresh swell of tears. 

…

The rain didn’t stop for the next two days. It was so much rain that Mayor Lewis sent out a notice that the Luau would be postponed if it kept raining. I prayed that the rain wouldn’t stop, that way I wouldn’t have to see Alex and Haley back together. Scam texted me nonstop, sending me memes, songs, and gifs apologizing. It got so overbearing that I muted my phone. The only person I wanted to hear from had ripped my heart from my chest. 

On the third day of rain, the wind picked up and thunder rattled my windows. It was as if the weather could tell how I was feeling. I was glad. Let everyone’s last week of Summer be ruined. I couldn’t stand thinking about all the happy faces at the Luau this weekend and that Alex’s would be among them. My brain tortured me with thoughts of him and Haley going at it like rabbits. Had he told her everything we did together? Was he in love with her again?

The day before the Luau, the rain stopped, though it was still overcast. I went outside to survey the damage done to my crops. A small part of the blueberry patch I’d been cultivating was gone but it wasn’t a total loss. The mushrooms in the cave had survived of course and there was tons to forage. I’d make my profits back and then some. I had to repair some fences and replace a couple shingles on my roof, but the work was welcome.

As I climbed up on the roof, I heard my name being called.

“Mari,” the voice said. “Let me in!”

I groaned in annoyance, recognizing Sam’s voice. I didn’t want to see anyone, I just wanted to be left alone.

“I know you’re in there,” he said, banging on my door. “Just talk to me.”

I peeked over the roof and down at him. “Stop yelling, I’m up here.”

Sam jumped and looked up. I waved my hammer in acknowledgment and got back to reshingling. I held back a laugh, seeing his frightened face had cheered me up just a little. 

“Can we talk?” He called up.

I hammered in another shingle. “Kinda busy, Sam.”

“Please,” he pleaded. “It’s important.”

I ignored him. As lonely as I’d been these past few days, I just wanted to keep wallowing in it. It was better than pretending that everything was alright. Sam was the cause of my falling out with Alex anyway. Seeing him was like rubbing salt in the wound.

As I was working, Sam had climbed up the ladder to join me. He stared at me as I worked and crawled over on all fours.

“What?” I asked knowing full well I was being rude.

“I need to talk to you,” he said.

“So talk.”

He sighed, sitting down near my workspace and making sure he was securely seated. “The day I came to see you I was all mixed up. I was lonely and sad and I wanted someone to talk to.”

I kept hammering away, but I listened. 

“I didn’t want you to be my rebound.” Sam spoke loudly, overpowering the blows of the hammer. “I really did think about our kiss a lot afterwards, even while I was with Penny. I should have chosen you.”

I stopped working and looked at him. “What?”

He scooted closer. “You heard me. I want to be with you.”

I looked down at my hands, they were cut and a little bloody from fixing the fence earlier. My once soft, corporate hands were reduced to rough, hardened hands. My heart was hard too.

“Shut up,” I said flatly. 

“Huh?” 

“You just broke up with Penny, so you’re feeling lonely,” I answered. “I understand what you feel. You’re latching on to me to numb the pain. It’s the same thing I did with you. You don’t know what you’re saying. You need time to heal.”

Sam just stared at me. 

I stared back. “What?”

Sam blinked then looked down. “Oh.”

I picked up my hammer and got back to work. I didn’t have the capacity for human interaction, much less for the conversation we were having. As much as I wanted to be there for Sam, I couldn’t even muster up enough strength for myself.

“Is it because of Alex?” Sam asked, sounding hurt.

Alex’s name made my heart ache and my chest tighten. How could emotional pain cause such a physical reaction? “Why would you think that?” My voice was heavy with emotion and I felt tears begin to form.

“Isn’t he your boyfriend?” Sam asked.

I hammered in the final nail with more force than was necessary. “No.”

“Then why—“ he began.

“You should go,” I interrupted. “I have work to do.”

I stood and carefully made my way back to the ladder, balancing the hammer and pail of nails in my hand as I climbed down. Sam followed suit, though he crawled rather than walked. I couldn’t blame him, the first time I had to get on the roof, I crawled too.

“Mari,” he said. “Wait.”

I whirled around, enraged. “Go away!”

Sam stepped forward to cup my face but I pulled away. “You’re crying.”

I reached a hand to touch my cheeks, and sure enough there were tears. My soaked fingertips made me cry harder, and harder and I ran into the house. Before I could slam the door behind me, Sam was already inside. He caught me before I collapsed onto the floor into a fetal position. He rocked me as I cried, rubbing my back and soothing me with a deep hum from his chest. I only wailed louder and harder as he consoled me, not able to keep it all in.

When I finally calmed down enough to stop, Sam let go. We still sat on the floor, knee to knee. I wiped my eyes with my sleeves while Sam looked at me with concern. Everything that had happened poured out of me. How I’d fallen in love with Sam in the Spring. How I’d agreed to become friends with benefits with Alex. How I slowly fell in love with him throughout the weeks we were together. How I envied Sam and Penny, and their relationship. Everything. Even the more embarrassing details about my first experience with anal.

Sam just sat there, nodding in encouragement and listening dutifully as only a true friend could. By the time I finished, the familiar ache of loneliness swept through me and settled into my bones. I wrapped my arms around myself in a hug.

“Feel better?” He asked.

I shook my head. “But thanks for listening.”

He nodded. “Anytime.” He stood and pulled me up with him, then stepped away. 

“I’m sorry for blowing up on you,” I said. “And I’m sorry that you and Penny broke up. I really do think that you and her will get back together.”

Sam shook his head and smiled sadly. “Didn’t you hear what I said on the roof?”

I looked down. “I still think that you’re just looking for a rebound.”

“We can agree to disagree,” he answered. “The timing’s just off. Again.”

I laughed humorlessly. “Yeah.”

“You coming tomorrow?” He asked. “To the Luau I mean?”

I hesitated and shrugged. “Probably not.”

“You should,” he said, kicking at the ground. 

We were silent. There was nothing left to be said anyway. 

“Come tomorrow,” he said, turning to leave. “Mayor Lewis is letting our band play. It’ll take your mind off stuff.”

With that he was gone, taking my thoughts with him.

…

I stayed in bed until the very last moment I could. I didn’t want to show up at the Luau too early. In fact, I was trying to come up with a good excuse to skip the thing all together. I felt like I had an obligation to go, even if it was briefly just to see Sam, Seb, and Abby perform. They were my good friends after all. Though it had been quite a while since I’d seen them all together. 

I decided to wear a cute red dress I’d ordered a week ago. It was a little tight and short, but maybe if I looked good it would remind Alex what he was missing. The thought of Alex caused flu-like symptoms to course through my body. My chest ached and my eyes felt puffy, but I held it together. I continued to primp myself, putting on some make-up and doing my hair. Making myself cute made me feel a little more confident about going out.

I dug into my closet to grab my favorite jean jacket when I noticed one of Alex’s shirts hanging up next to it. I touched its fabric gingerly, and pressed it to my nose. It smelled like sea salt and aftershave. Alex’s signature scent. Maybe I should return it. I shook my head and closed the closet door, forgetting about my jacket. I would deal with the shirt when I was in a better head space. Right now, all I wanted to do was chuck it into a fire. 

I strapped on a pair of sandals decorated with red flowers and spritzed some pineapple perfume on. Looking in the mirror I appraised myself. For someone who had spent a better part of the week sobbing uncontrollably, I looked pretty good. My hair was shiny and pinned behind my ears with bobby pins, and my eyes looked clear. 

“This is as good as it's gonna get,” I said to my reflection. 

I left the safety of my home an hour late to the Luau. Hopefully, the time I arrived, Sam and his band would be performing. By the time I reached the beach, the party was in full swing. People were mingling, drinking, and eating from the massive stew pot at the center of the buffet. As I wove through the crowd, I said hi to Jodi, Robin, and Marnie who were engrossed in a conversation. After they acknowledged me, they just went right back to talking. I was glad to be so quickly dismissed, I didn’t have the energy to converse. 

I still had yet to see Alex, and I was grateful. It would give me a few more seconds of composure and to steady my hammering heart. Even though the mood around me was jovial and festive, I felt alone and detached. I felt like I was floating above it all, as if I didn’t exist. I floated from group to group, saying hello and answering questions.

“Hello, dear,” Evelyn’s voice called out to me. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”

My tongue felt swollen and I swallowed hard to clear my throat. “I’m sorry I haven’t been by. With the storm and everything, I had a lot of repairs to make.”

George scowled, but remained silent. I gave him a nod of acknowledgement and he grunted back.

She gave me a kind smile, though she looked concerned. “I asked Alex to check on you, but he said that you were fine.”

My heart stuttered at the sound of Alex’s name. “Oh yeah, he texted me,” I lied. “I thought he told you.”

“He hasn’t said a peep all week,” she answered, giving me a critical look. “Is everything alright with you two?”

“Leave the girl alone,” George interrupted gruffly. “Don’t be so nosy, woman.”

I blushed, and looked down at the sand. “We just had a misunderstanding. You know how Alex can be.”

Evelyn chuckled and shook her head. “He’s quite a handful, isn’t he?”

“She doesn’t want to talk anymore,” George said. “Let’s go home. It’s too hot out here. And you, Mari, bring me some squash this Fall will ya?”

I smiled a true, genuine smile at George. “Will do.”

“Feh,” he answered, though there was a twinkle in his eye.

“Do you want help Evelyn?” I asked, moving to grab George’s wheelchair.

She shook her head and patted my cheek. “Always so thoughtful. No, I’ll have Clint help me out. Have fun, dear. And please be patient with my grandson, it takes him a little longer to realize things.”

A lump in my throat formed and I fought to speak. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Bye, dear,” she called back as she struggled to push George through the sand. 

I watched as she pried Clint away from his conversation with Emily and Caroline and chuckled. In a strange way, interacting with Alex’s family made me feel a little better. They didn’t hate me. They still wanted me around. Maybe that meant that Alex felt the same way too.

“Go long!” My head whipped around as I heard Alex’s voice. 

It felt like forever since the last time I saw him. He wore green board shorts and a white t-shirt. He looked better than ever, and it took everything in me not to collapse into a mess of tears. He was tossing the gridball around with Vincent while Haley looked on. Haley. She looked good. Dressed in a pretty pink dress and perfectly coiffed hair she looked like an absolute ten. She was definitely better suited to be with Alex. Together they were a twenty. Alex didn’t look over at me once, he was too busy smiling and laughing.

I looked away, praying to Yoba that the band would start right now so I could go home as soon as they were done. The sun was starting to get lower in the sky, and the band came on the makeshift stage. Everyone surged toward it and I remained closer to the back with the elders, listening to them complaining about how loud the music was going to be.

“Good afternoon,” Sam said into the mic. “Thanks for coming to the Luau today. Let’s get a round of applause for our awesome mayor for organizing it for us.”

Polite applause filled the air and Mayor Lewis took a small bow. 

“We’re gonna play a couple of songs for you today,” Sam continued. “Hope you enjoy.”

Abigail clicked her drumsticks three times, and then the opening chords of “Summer Time Sadness” by Lana Del Rey bellowed out. They had reworked the song to sound a lot more cheerful than it was, though the lyrics were still a bummer. Sam even sang it from the perspective of an outsider. 

I noticed Penny standing right by the stage, looking up at Sam. She was completely still, staring intently at him as if he held the answer to the universe. As Sam sang, everyone began to dance and gyrate to the music, even the elders. My eyes searched by Alex without my permission, and I saw him off to the side sitting with Haley. She was tugging on his arm, probably trying to get him to dance, but he kept shaking his head. I wanted to run over and push her off him, but I dug my feet into the sand instead. He had made his choice. Let him deal with it.

“Kiss me hard before you go,” Sam sang, his eyes screwed shut. “Summertime sadness.”

My breath hitched as I stared intently at him. He looked good and confident. Nothing like the boy who was heartbroken a few days ago. 

Sam’s eyes opened and he looked down at Penny. “I just wanted you to know,” he sang. Then his eyes searched the crowd until he found me all the way in the back. “That baby, you’re the best.”

The beat dropped and Sebastian and Abby’s head banged in time to the beat. It was an amazing remix. My arms were covered in goosebumps as I listened. The stage was even outfitted with lights that changed to the beat of the song. It felt like a real concert. It was incredible. I bobbed my head to beat, smiling at Sam. He smiled back and sang the next verse.

I kept my eyes forward, hoping Alex would notice me having fun. Let him think I was over it, that he didn’t haunt my thoughts and dreams. I began to dance around, gyrating my hips to the beat and losing myself to the beat. Sam’s voice transported me to a place where all my problems were far away. They seamlessly transitioned to another song. Their own version of Hot Girl Bummer by Blackbear. Instead of the heavy rap beats, they had reworked it to sound like punk rock. 

All the elders had already left and began to clean up, trying to get away from the loud music. The rest of the town just danced and sang along, though I noticed Marnie and Jodi scowling at the lyrics Sam sang. I laughed and just continued to bob effortlessly to the music.

My eyes drifted from Sam and back over to Alex and Haley, but they were gone. I stopped moving and my smile disappeared. Could they be hooking up? Haley did work fast. My stomach churned with nausea as I scanned the crowd, trying to find Alex. I couldn’t see him anywhere near the stage or the buffet. Then I caught a glance of Haley. She was dragging Alex away to a dark part of the beach, laughing. Alex was smiling softly, then he saw me looking at him and it disappeared.

I felt hot, fat tears fall from my eyes as we made visual contact. I couldn’t stop them from falling as I stared him down. Haley looked over to see why Alex had stopped and she smirked at me and gave me a little wave. I looked away and ran, leaving my sandals behind still on the beach. The music and cheering faded behind me as I left the beach. 

If only Alex would fade from my mind as easily.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked it and that you're all safe and healthy! Kudos and comments are always welcome but not enforced. Let me know what you think. Cheers!  
> -Pandi


	5. A Deal With the Rock Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari and Sam come to an agreement, much like she and Alex did before. What could possibly go wrong? Well, for one, Sam's heart is on the line. But isn't finding true love worth the angst? Maybe not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you're doing well and I appreciate your patience regarding this fic. I know life is crazy right now but writing this has really helped my mental health. I'm excited to see what you guys think about this chapter, as I found it fun to write. Enjoy!

As I left the Luau far behind me, I slowed my run to a brisk walk. I wiped my eyes and covered my mouth to keep my sobs from traveling. Making eye contact with Alex had pushed me over the emotional threshold. I couldn’t bear being around people after that, pretending that everything was okay. Fuck, why did I have to catch them sneaking away from the concert? My thoughts snapped back to Sam. I could only hope that he didn’t see me run away in tears and that the stage lights helped me in my escape. 

“Hey, farm girl,” a voice called out in the dim evening.

Such a condescending tone. Only one person in town said it like that. I wiped my tears as best I could to put on an emotionless facade before turning to face Haley. When I did, I had braced myself for immense hostility and a smug look. Instead, Haley’s face was blank but her eyes glimmered with defeat. She still looked beautiful, her hair was smooth and her lips were full, but her eyes ruined the picture. I suddenly felt myself wanting to console her.

“Haley,” I answered, keeping my tone neutral. “How can I help you?”

Her sky blue eyes looked gray in the paltry light as she cocked her head and gave me a once over. “You look good, you know, for you.”

I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms. “Thanks, I guess.” Cicadas began their evening song around us as we stared each other down.

“So tell me about Alex,” she said, her voice catching a bit as she spoke. “What’s been going on between you two?”

I scoffed. Should I lie or tell her the truth? Alex had probably already told her everything anyway. There wasn’t any point in beating around the bush and yet, I couldn’t say anything to her. “What do you know?”

Haley gave me a mirthless smile. “Not much. Alex hasn’t really talked to me since you two hung out at the bonfire.”

“I know for a fact that you guys hung out briefly at the beach when we saw each other,” I answered. 

“Not really. He got mad at me for dragging him away from you.”

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Didn’t look like that from my perspective. Listen, Haley, if you’re here to tell me to back off, you don’t have to. You can have him. It was just casual sex.”

The smile left Haley’s face and her rosebud lips morphed into a straight line. “I hate to lose, farm girl. I’m sure you know that. I’ve always been the prettiest girl in town. The prettiest girl in school. I can have anyone I want.”

“Great, so it’s settled.” I stepped around her to head back home. “I won’t encroach on your territory anymore.”

“I wasn’t finished,” she called after me.

I kept walking, ignoring her. The sound of clacking heels behind me told me she was following after me. “Please, Haley, I’m tired. You’ve made yourself clear. I don’t want to fight you anymore.”

She grabbed my arm, stopping me with a surprisingly strong grip. “Mari, wait.”

I ripped my arm out of her grasp and turned slightly to face her. “What?”

“Will you let me finish?” 

I closed my eyes. “Make it fast.”

Haley sighed. “You got here and suddenly I had competition. You were new, and everyone was interested in you. I felt my stock plummeting. I was mean to you, I spread awful rumors, and I did everything in my power to keep Alex focused on me.”

“What do you want me to say?” I said, snapping my eyes open and glaring at her. “Do you want me to apologize for stealing your thunder? Because you can forget it.”

She shook her head and I noticed her eyes getting misty. “I should be the one apologizing. I felt threatened and I treated you poorly. And...I tried to get Alex away from you.”

I gave her a confused look. “Why are you saying all this?”

Haley crossed her arms and looked away. “I don’t know. Maybe Alex told me how nice you were. Maybe I saw how much he cared about you. Maybe I knew I was being mean the whole time because I felt so insecure.”

I felt my face soften at her words. “Well, maybe I’ll consider forgiving you.”

She looked at me. She didn’t exactly smile, but her eyes had softened. “Are you in love with Alex?”

I winced and froze in place. Squeezing my eyes shut I pushed aside the thought of Alex and Haley sneaking off to be alone. She had apologized to me (somewhat) and yet, I still felt hurt. I reached up to grip my chest. It had only been less than a week since Alex and I parted ways but it felt like there was a massive hole in my chest. 

“You have to tell him,” she said. “If you let him go, you’ll regret it for a long time.”

She turned and left after that, leaving me alone in the darkness. Was this her way of giving me her blessing? Had Alex put her up to this? I looked over my shoulder to watch Haley walk away. Her confident supermodel saunter was ruined by her shaking shoulders that suggested she was crying. I looked away quickly, feeling as though I was witnessing something no one should. The thought of Haley crying was unnatural, like fish sprouting wings and flying into the air. 

And yet, a part of me was glad. That perfect specimen had a weakness. It was nice to know that I wasn’t alone in my sorrow.

…

SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER

NOVEMBER

...

I watched as my grass turned yellow, as my trees turned red, yellow, and brown. I raked leaves, harvested corn, wheat, and pumpkins. I busied myself and remained on my farm as much as I could. If I ran an errand, it did it early in the morning, when everyone was still asleep. If I needed groceries I asked Sam to get them for me. He was the only person I saw. I didn’t have the strength to pretend in front of others. I felt bitter and crunchy, like a dead leaf. I’d never felt this way. Not ever. How could someone leave such a chasm in your life?

“Hey, Mari,” Sam called from the pumpkin patch. “Is it cool if I call it a day? I have a shift at Joja tomorrow.” 

I wiped my brow and looked over at him, smiling. “Of course, we’re pretty much done anyway.”

Sam helped around the farm these days, keeping me company and skating on a makeshift ramp I let him build on my property. We were both distracting ourselves from the outside world. It was as if my farm was a safe haven free of heartbreak and adult responsibilities. We’d pretty much gone back to normal. Well, except for one thing. 

I thought back to the night of the Luau. He’d come over after it had ended to check on me. 

_ “Hey, you okay?” He’d asked. _

_ I gave him a brave smile. “You did amazing. So proud of you.” _

_ Sam smiled back at me and took my hand. “It was because you were there to cheer me on.” _

_ I blushed as he leaned over me. “Penny looked happy to see you. She couldn’t keep her eyes off you.” _

_ He waved the thought away as if it stank and gripped my hand tighter. “I sang those songs for you. I wanted you to come on stage but by the last song, you were gone. Mari, I--” _

_ “Don’t finish that sentence,” I interrupted. “I can’t handle it. Not now.” _

_ “But it’s true,” he said. “I’ve done a lot of self-reflection and I realized I made a huge mistake. Penny was someone I’d always admired because she was in town. But then you came and we clicked on so many things. I stupidly made the wrong decision. I’m not gonna let you get away again.” _

_ Tears flowed freely as he spoke and I gripped my chest as if my heart was going to escape from my ribcage. “But Sam--” _

_ “I’ll wait for you, Mari,” he said huskily. “I’ll wait for you to heal. I won’t do what he did. You can have all the guy friends you want. If you want to talk to him, I won’t get jealous.” _

_ I shook my head going to speak again, but Sam just swallowed my words with a kiss. It was needy and sad, and I gave in uselessly. _

I couldn’t help myself. I was lonely, desperate and, stupid. We didn’t have sex, but we got very close. If I hadn’t been sobbing so hard, I was sure we would have gone all the way. After that, Sam was over every day. He brought me pizza, chocolate, flowers, movies, and video games. I told him to stop bringing me gifts but he wouldn’t. He was determined to win me over, but there was nothing left of me to win. I had to set boundaries as he wanted more than I could give. We made a detailed list of what was okay and what wasn’t. Sam had followed it to a tee since I gave it to him. 

The list was pretty comprehensive. Some would even describe it as psycho. I told him no green, no sports, and no cinnamon. I didn’t even want him to touch me further than a loose side hug. It was unhealthy to jump into something else so soon after...after  _ him _ . I needed to heal. I needed to love myself. And I was also waiting. Waiting for him to come to his senses and run back to me. I said that very clearly to Sam, but he kept saying that he would wait for me.

So now we worked on the farm, I watched him skate, and we played video games together. The only days I had to myself were on the weekends while Sam met with Seb and Abby for band practice. On those lonely days I worked myself so hard that when I got to bed and my head hit the pillow, I quickly conked out. I didn’t want to give myself any time to think. If I had any free time, my thoughts would linger too long on unpleasant things.

Fall was almost over, and the Harvest Festival was just around the corner. I focused on farming quality produce. I wanted to have the best stall at the festival. I was able to farm a pretty big pumpkin, it was the size of a large bean bag. I’d promised to give all the ladies in town a part of it after the festival to make pumpkin pie. Pierre had reluctantly lent me a wagon to load it on so I could showcase it at the festival. 

If I won, I would make enough money to keep the farm afloat all Winter with plenty to spare. All the hard work I’d done was paying off, and then I’d have a well-earned rest. And way too much free time. I forced the thought out of my head. I’d think about that later, right now, there was too much to do.

…

“Wow, Mari,” I heard Mayor Lewis say. “Incredible. You’re giving Pierre a run for his money.”

He inspected my stall and patted the massive pumpkin affectionately. I’d let Jas and Vincent name it and they’d decided to call it Mr. Pumpkinbutt. Jas even made a label for it and placed it on the vine. Mayor Lewis eyed the label and rolled his eyes, though I noticed there was a slight smile on his face. He looked down at his clipboard and made a few notes, then he looked up at me again. 

“Wonderful work,” he said finally. He gave me a wink and moved on to the next stall. 

“Whew,” Sam sighed. “I thought I was gonna shit my pants.”

I laughed and nudged him with my elbow. “Me too.”

“Does that mean we can go play now?” Sam said, eyeing the array of carnival games being enjoyed by the many families who’d driven in from the city. “I’m so bored.”

“You go,” I said. “I have to wait for the results then I’ll join you.”

He gave me a look.

“Go,” I said, smiling. “Look, there are Abby and Seb.”

I waved at the happy couple and they waved back, their hands full of cotton candy and stuffed animals. Sam gave me one last look before walking over and giving me a thumbs up and mouthing “Good luck.”

I gave him a thumbs-up back and refocused on my stall. The judging was finished, but I still straightened stuff out as if it hadn’t 

“Hey you,” a voice said behind me. 

My breath hitched in my chest and I swallowed hard. I was so glad I decided to wear a cute outfit (an off the shoulder black sweater dress, tights, and boots). I fluffed my hair and then turned to face the person with a huge smile plastered on my face. 

“Ryan?” I almost choked. 

Sure enough there he was. His black hair was tousled from the wind and his green eyes gleamed. He looked a little bigger than the last time I saw him. Then my eyes focused on the beautiful redhead he had his arm draped over. Lena. She looked stunning too. Her navy eyes were shiny and her perfect figure was obscured by a slouchy sweater. Was she…

“Holy shit!” I yelled way too loud. “You’re pregnant?”

She laughed and nodded while rubbing her rotund belly. “Surprise!”

Ryan and Lena looked at me expectantly, their smiles wide and excited. My eyes moved across their faces down their bodies. As much as they had hurt me, they looked happy together. I smiled back, a genuine one. They deserved each other.

“Congrats,” I answered. “When are you due?”

Lena looked at Ryan and then back at me. “Next month.”

I decided not to do the math on the timeline. No point in hashing out such nasty details. “Wow. Do you know the baby’s sex yet?”

“Not yet,” Ryan answered. “We want it to be a surprise, you know?”

I nodded, feigning interest. “Totally.”

“It was so hard to get a hold of you,” Lena gushed. “Did you change your number?”

I shook my head and gave Ryan a knowing glance that he ignored. “No, still the same.”

She blushed and looked away. “Must be your cell reception then. I have to say, you moved to quite the little town. Do you miss the city at all?”

I shook my head. “Not a bit. I think this place suits me a lot more. I get to work at my own pace and set my own hours. Plus, I’m making bank.”

Ryan gave me a tight smile and grabbed Lena’s hand. “That’s so great to hear Mari. I’m really glad you’re doing well.”

I nodded once and looked around for a way out. “Likewise.”

“Honey,” Ryan said to Lena. “Why don’t you go grab a seat and I’ll get you something to eat?”

Lena looked at me then at Ryan, then smiled. “Sure.”

“Kettle corn?” He asked.

She winked and gave him a kiss. “You know me best.”

After she waddled away without giving me so much as a second glance, Ryan stepped a bit closer to me. He looked like he wanted to hug me but he kept his arms pressed firmly at his sides.

“Listen, Mari,” he whispered. I had to step closer to hear him over the sounds of carnival rides, laughter, and games. “I’m sorry about everything. There are no hard feelings between us, right?”

I almost laughed. I finally get an apology eight months later. I waved his concerns away. “No worries, Ryan. I’m happy for you two. Congrats again.”

He stepped away and winked at me. “Thanks for being so cool about everything. I hope that you’re as happy as me. I’m surprised you’re standing here alone actually. Do you not have a boyfriend?”

“Hey babe, I was just coming to get you,” Alex butted in, putting his arm around my shoulder. “Hey man, the name’s Alex.” He extended a hand toward Ryan.

Ryan took his hand and shook it while scanning over Alex with disapproval. “Ryan. I’m--”

“Mari’s ex,” Alex finished, taking his hand back. “She told me all about you and your girlfriend. Congrats on the baby by the way.”

“Er, thanks,” Ryan stammered, giving me a look before refocusing on Alex. “I should probably go get her that kettle corn she asked for.”

“You do that,” Alex said, his arm still around me. “Nice to meet you, man.”

“Bye Ryan,” I squeaked out. “It was good to see you.”

Ryan gave us one last look then huffed away. As soon as he disappeared into the crowd, Alex let his arm drop from my shoulders. I took a step away and pressed a hand to my chest. My heart beat wildly against my ribs and my stomach felt like it had sunk all the way to the center of the earth. I couldn’t even look at Alex. 

“Th-thanks,” I stammered out. 

“Yeah,” was all he said before he left me alone again. 

I watched as he walked away. His shoulders looked smaller than the last time I saw him and his hair shaggier. He walked with his head low and his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He rejoined Evelyn and George who were standing near the stage. Evelyn gave me a little wave and I waved back. She nudged Alex who looked over at me. A tingle went down my spine as we made eye contact for the first time in a while. He looked away quickly and I shrugged my shoulders at Evelyn who just rolled her eyes and swatted her grandson’s arm. 

The sight made me laugh and I noticed Alex peek at me again. His lips quirked up into a small smile before it disappeared again. He was looking at someone else now. I followed his gaze to Sam who was laughing with Seb and Abby. Unsurprisingly, Penny trailed behind them as well, but Sam paid her no mind. The sight of her frowning behind Sam made my heart ache. I knew the expression she wore too well. Defeat and desperation. I looked over at Alex again, mirroring Penny’s emotions. He intentionally avoided catching my gaze.

Seb, Abby, Sam and Penny made it back to my stall.

“Hey,” Abby said. “Let’s go get some good seats by the stage. Mayor Lewis is gonna announce the winners in a few minutes.”

I smiled at Penny. “Right behind you.”

Penny smiled back, then lowered her eyes to the ground again. 

“How do you think you did?” Seb asked as we all walked together to the stage. 

I shrugged, feeling uncomfortable that Sam was standing so close to me while Penny walked behind us. “I dunno. I guess we’ll find out.”

Sam nudged me and gave me a smile. “I’m sure you’ll win. You worked hard to get the best stuff these past couple of months.”

“You helped,” I chided, then glanced at Penny. “You’ll never guess how strong he’s gotten from helping me plow the fields.”

She blushed and looked away. I watched as she peeked over at Sam, looking at how he filled out his shirt. He had grown strong and burly from all the hard work he’d done while helping me out. The sight made me happy. Maybe Sam will forget all about me and get back with Penny.

Sam put an arm around my shoulders. “We make a great team.”

I shrugged out of his grasp and looked at Penny again. She was staring down at the ground again and fidgeting with her hands. I let out a sigh as we took our seats. I made sure I sat on the aisle so if I got called I didn’t have to squeeze past the group. It also ensured that Penny sat between Sam and me. I noticed that Alex sat a few seats ahead of us with his grandparents and I wanted to keep my eye on him. Could he feel the energy between us even though we were so far apart? Did he miss me? He had to. Or else I wouldn’t be feeling like this right now.

“When do you guys go on?” Penny asked Sam in a shy voice.

My ears strained to hear what they were saying. Had my plan worked after all?

“Right after the awards are given out,” he hissed out from the corner of his mouth. “Look, it’s starting.”

Penny caught my eye and I saw her shoulders slump as she immediately looked away. So much for that.

“Good afternoon everyone,” Mayor Lewis’ voice boomed through a microphone. “I am pleased to have you here in our humble little town. Thank you for your patronage.”

Polite applause filled the air, a lot louder than usual due to the volume of people attending the festival. 

“And now, without further ado. It gives me great pleasure to announce this year’s winners of the Harvest Festival. For outstanding fishing skills and grade-A filets, I’m proud to call Gus to the stage in third place.”

We applauded Gus as he walked up to the stage and accepted his ribbon. He gave us a big smile that was almost overshadowed by his bushy white beard, and shook Mayor Lewis’ hand. He then took his place next to the Mayor. 

“In second place, for an immaculate fruit and vegetable display,” Mayor Lewis began.

I felt my hands get clammy and my feet tingle like they always did when I was anticipating something. I leaned forward in my seat. 

“Our very own Pierre!” He finished. 

An incredulous looking Pierre walked up to the stage amongst the loud cheers of the town's people. He had won the past three years in a row, and the look on his face told us that he was upset. I couldn’t help but smile as Abby laughed smugly at her father. Pierre shook Mayor Lewis’ hand and took his ribbon as if it were made of dog poop.

“And finally, our first place winner,” Mayor Lewis said over the applause. “For a wonderful display that showed camaraderie, the spirit of the harvest, and humor…”

My heart almost leapt out of my chest as he paused to let the suspense grow. Penny put a hand on my shoulder, digging her fingers into it in solidarity. My knee bounced as I sat on the edge of my seat. 

“Our wonderful newcomer, Mari!”

Explosive applause punctured the air as I floated on gummy legs toward the stage. 

“Yeah, farm girl!” I heard Haley cheer.

Soon enough the crowd was yelling, “Farm girl, farm girl, farm girl” with no sign of stopping.

I blushed as I stepped toward the Mayor and shook his hand. He handed me the ribbon and smiled proudly at me. He leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Congratulations, Mari. Your grandfather would be very proud.”

I felt tears well up in my eyes as I looked at the crowd. Abby, Seb, Penny, and Sam were jumping up and down and yelling. I waved my ribbon at them and wiped my tears away. I looked for Alex and caught his eye. He didn’t look away this time. He even smiled slightly at me. 

“Let’s give another round of applause for our winners!” Mayor Lewis said. “And for our entertainment for the evening. The Renegades!”

Sam, Seb, and Abby ran up to the stage. Abby gave me a big hug while Seb just waved a thumbs up at me. Sam strapped his guitar to him while Seb and Abby took their places at the keyboard and drums respectively. I moved to leave the stage with the rest of the winners but Sam took my hand and pulled me into a hug. I hugged him back but pulled away quickly. Any longer, and people would think we were a couple. I glanced over at Alex and Penny, but both of them were looking down. 

I moved to leave but he placed a quick kiss on my cheek. “Congrats, Mari.” He let me go and grabbed the mic on the stand before him. “Pelican Town!” Sam yelled into the mic.

The crowd hooted and hollered while he drank it all in. He looked so at home here on stage. It was only a matter of time before they got signed by a label. The thought of them moving onto bigger and better things in the city made me feel a little sad. My friends would leave me behind. It wouldn’t be the first time. I moved to leave the stage but not before catching another glimpse of Alex. He was staring at Sam.

“Let’s get another round of applause for Mayor Lewis,” Sam said. “Thank you Mayor Lewis!”

A chorus of “thank you’s” sounded off and Mayor Lewis took a bow. 

“One, two, three!” Sam counted loudly. 

The opening chords of Halestorm’s cover of Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” began. I caught Alex’s eyes again, and stared at him from the wings. He stared back at me, his eyes full of emotion. 

I pried my eyes from Alex’s gaze to look at Sam as he sang the first couple of verses. He looked so confident and just like a rockstar. He crooned into the mic while shredding his guitar. Abby sang back up, harmonizing perfectly to his deep vocals. Sam however, kept looking over at me instead of singing to the crowd.

“You know that I want you,” Sam sang, eyes piercing mine. “And you know that I need you. I want it bad, your bad romance!”

My stomach fluttered, but not because Sam was clearly serenading me. It fluttered because he was doing it on stage for dozens of people to see. As flattering as the gesture was, it was way too much. I should have set stricter boundaries with Sam, so he wouldn’t have any false hope. I looked at Penny who gazed at Sam with longing. I then found Alex who had the same look on his face. In that moment I felt my fingers and toes go numb. 

“I want your love and I want your revenge. I want your love, I don’t wanna be friends,” Sam sang roughly, as if he were pleading with me. “I don’t wanna be friends, I don’t wanna be friends!”

The climax of the song exploded out and Sam and Abby sang together in perfect harmony as Seb banged his head. It was turning out to be a perfect performance. The crowd was going wild and gyrating to the beat. Still, there were two people who were completely still in the crowd and my heart ached for them. As the band continued their set with “Sweater Weather” by The Neighbourhood, I left the stage wing and made my way back to Penny. 

I avoided looking at Alex as I walked by, though I did feel my body pull toward him as I did. I ignored it, knowing that if I gave in, he’d think he was right. Alex was in the wrong, thinking I had chosen Sam over him. Let him figure it out. If he wanted to apologize, he knew where to find me. But after three months of being ignored, I feared I would never receive his apology. Should I extend the olive branch myself? I shook my head as I reached Penny, forcing a smile onto my face. I’d think about all that later.

“Congrats, Mari,” she squeaked at me, getting up to hug me. “You deserve it.”

I hugged her back. “Thanks, I really didn’t think I would pull it off.”

She pulled away and looked up at the stage where Sam was shredding off a guitar solo that had everyone hollering. “Nonsense.”

I gulped and felt my eyes be drawn to where Alex was ahead of me, as if he were made of solid aluminum and I was a magnet. He said something to Evelyn and she nodded. Next thing I knew, Alex was pushing George away with his grandmother following close behind. He made sure to avoid my gaze completely, but Evelyn gave me a small wave while George nodded once. I let out a sigh that was partly relieved but mostly full of longing. 

“Tell me something,” I said to Penny, refocusing my gaze to the stage.

“Hm?” Penny answered vaguely. 

“How can you stand to talk to Sam?” I asked. “How can you even look at him?”

Penny turned to face me, a sad smile on her face. She shrugged, “I just hope that if I talk to him like nothing is wrong, maybe he’ll miss me.”

I crinkled my eyebrows, staring into her eyes. “You must hate me.”

She smiled a genuine smile this time. “At first I was upset that he moved on so quickly. Then I decided that it wasn’t my problem. If he wanted to be with me, he would fight for me.”

“Has he?” 

She shook her head. “Not yet. But boys are dumb. It takes them a while.”

I laughed bitterly. She was definitely right there. Boys were dumb.

“Still,” she continued, sighing deeply. “I’m losing hope.”

I moved to place a hand on her shoulder but stopped myself. I was her rival, she probably didn’t want to be comforted by me. Instead I said, “He wanted to get a place with you. He told me.”

I noticed tears form in her eyes but she didn’t let them fall, instead she shook her head. “I think he’d rather do that with you, Mari. You guys are so alike, it makes sense that he likes you. Besides, it doesn’t look like Alex wants anything to do with you.”

How did she know what was going on between Alex and me? Regardless of that, the comment left me feeling as if I’d been slapped, but I kept my face expressionless. “You’re right. He doesn’t.”

“Forgive my honesty,” she said, her eyes still shimmering. “I can tell when two people are in love.” She wiped her eyes and scoffed. “It’s completely unfair, isn’t it?”

I shrugged and fidgeted with the hem of my sweater dress. “What is?”

“I’m in love with Sam, you’re in love with Alex,” she sighed. “Sam likes you, and Alex doesn’t have the balls to say anything to you.”

I laughed, though it tasted more like anger than joy. “You’ve got that right.”

“Maybe you should focus on Sam,” she answered.

“Maybe you can focus on Alex,” I teased. “We can switch.”

She gave me a mirthless smile. “I’m thinking about moving to the city.”

My eyes almost popped out of my head. “What? You’re gonna leave Pam?”

“I need my space,” Penny explained. “Besides, my mom won’t even notice that I’m gone. She’s too drunk for that. Neither will Sam.”

“What about Jas and Vincent?” I asked, my ears ringing. 

She shrugged. “Jodi or Emily will take over. I just can’t do this anymore. You won’t tell anyone, right?”

I took a deep breath, looking down at the ground. “Of course not. When do you think you’ll leave?”

“This winter,” she answered simply. “I found a nice little teaching job in the city and a place not too far.”

“You’ll keep in touch?” I asked, looking her in the eye. 

Penny smiled. “Probably not. I think I just want some time alone. No hard feelings?” 

I shook my head and hugged her again. “None. Never. If you ever need anything, let me know.”

Penny pulled out of my grasp and patted my shoulder. “Thanks, Mari. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get out of here.”

I watched as she left, wishing I could go with her. I said a small prayer for her safety. Yoba knew what Pam would do if she found out Penny’s plan. As much as I wanted to tell Sam to go after her, to move to the city with her, I’d promise to keep quiet. At least one of us wouldn’t suffer anymore.

…

Winter began, bringing with it snow, ice, and loneliness. Thankfully, the farm and I would survive the coming months with the prize money I’d received. However, there was nothing I could do about the desolation I felt every morning. Sam still kept coming over, but I felt more alone than ever. I chalked it up to the weather and focused on mining. It was hard work however, and I was exhausted within the first week. By the beginning of the second week of Winter, I caught a nasty cold. Word spread throughout town and all the moms sent me something or other with Sam. Evelyn sent me some pumpkin soup. Caroline sent some ginger tea and honey. Jodi made me a disgusting herbal remedy Sam threw out, claiming that I would die if I ingested it. 

I hoped that my sickness would make Alex want to come see me, but he didn’t. He did text me a simple “get well soon” text that I was sure Evelyn made him do. The only visitors I’d received, besides Sam, were Harvey and Maru. He prescribed me some meds, bed rest, and plenty of fluids. Harvey had done the service pro bono, in exchange for free pickles in the new year. I’d agreed and did a lot of research on pickling so I could get started. 

Sam however, had taken it upon himself to stay with me and nurse me to health. I was glad for the company, but I did feel extremely awkward having him see me in my PJs. As much I’d fought him on it, I woke up the next morning feeling extra glad that I hadn’t sent him away. He made me breakfast in bed and took care of the household chores. I felt bad that he had to sleep on the uncomfortable couch, but it was better than sharing the bed with him. Not only did I not want him to get sick, but I didn’t want him so close to me. It would remind me of Alex and how he used to stay over all the time.

It was day three of my being sick, and even though I felt a little better, I still wasn’t at a hundred percent. I was curled up in my bed, hugging a hot water bottle when Sam knocked on the door and let himself in.

“Hey Mari,” he whispered. “Can we talk?”

I lifted my head out slightly from under the covers and motioned him to come over. “What’s up?” I croaked.

Sam sat on the edge of my bed and placed a hand on my back. “It’s about Penny.”

_ Uh oh _ . I carefully sat up as Sam helped me up. “Is she okay?”

Sam looked worried and pulled out his phone. “She sent me this text.” 

He handed me the device, so I could read the message. It read:

_ Hey Sam, just thought I would let you know that you won’t see me for a while. I’m moving to Zuzu City to become a teacher and get out of the city. Don’t worry about me or my mom. She won’t do anything to hurt me. I just needed to get out. I wished you were coming with me but I know that’s not our destiny. Keep Mari happy since she’s so sad. You both deserve love. I love you Sam, take care of yourself. _

I read the message three times then handed Sam his phone back. I felt tears prick my eyes and I lay back down on the bed. My body ached and I felt my fever come back, but it wasn’t because of my cold. I knew exactly how Penny felt. It was the same thing I’d done a few months ago. I left behind my entire life, and now she was doing the same. 

I looked up at Sam. He was paler than usual. “What are you thinking?” I asked.

He ruffled my hair but his eyes looked sad. “That I’m happy for her. But...really worried too.”

“She’s stronger than she looks,” I said, hoping to comfort him. “I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

He nodded absentmindedly, his hand still ruffling my hair. “You’re probably right.”

I pushed his hand off my head and clasped it between mine. “What are you really thinking?”

He pressed his hand against my forehead and sighed. “That your fever’s back. Hang on, I’ll get the aspirin.”

“That’s not what I asked,” I said, still gripping his hand. “You look like you’re about to fall apart.”

Sam shook his head, smiling a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Nothing for you to concern yourself over.”

He forced some water and aspirin into my system, then made me drink some hot broth. I could tell he was extremely affected by Penny’s decision to leave. A small part of me was glad. Let him be shocked by her decision, maybe that would snap him out of this ridiculous infatuation with me. Another part of me was worried he would leave to run after her. As much as I wanted that to happen, I didn’t want him to leave me. I’d gotten so used to having him around that the thought of being completely alone terrified me. How pathetic and unhealthy was that?

“How are you feeling?” Sam asked a few hours later. “Still feverish?”

I shook my head. I was actually feeling a lot better. The tea Caroline had sent warmed my bones and helped clear my body of phlegm. I hated colds so I was glad my body was feeling better so soon. 

“Will you be okay if I left to get some more clothes?” He asked. “Or do you want me to stay?”

I shook my head again. “Actually, I’m feeling really good. I think you can go home tonight if you want to. Thanks so much for staying with me. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten sick.”

Sam smiled, but he still looked sad. “I have the constitution of an ox, Mari. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”

“I’m fine,” I answered, rolling my eyes. “No worries.”

“There’s some broth left on the stove and hot water in the kettle,” he said, sighing. “Text or call if you need anything at all.”

“Thanks,” I said, grinning at him. “Let me know when you get home. The snow is crazy today.”

Sam left after that, taking all his stuff with him. I was glad to have my place back but I was lonely. I’d gotten used to having him sleep over, just as I had with Alex. I shook that thought out of my head. I didn’t want to think about Alex or Sam. I focused on Penny, wondering if she was doing okay. The city could be scary but I figured she could handle it. She’d handled Pam just fine, what was Zuzu City compared to that? She’d be fine. 

Sam had taken the news pretty hard however, he looked like he wanted to run after her. Penny had been right. It does take boys a long time to figure stuff out. Maybe that was why Alex still hadn’t apologized to me.

“Ugh,” I buried my face into my pillows. 

I had to stop thinking about him. He was the one at fault. Not me.

…

My cold went away after another day and I was good as new by the end of the week. Word of Penny’s move had spread around town within the next few days. Pam didn’t even look bothered when I stopped in town to pick up some more ginger tea from Pierre’s. In fact, she looked like she had cleaned herself up. Her hair was clean, her eyes were clear, and her clothes weren’t as rumpled as they usually were. Maybe Penny had set her straight. 

I shuddered as a cold wind cut through my windbreaker and scarf. It was so bitterly cold and I had almost broken my neck on a patch of ice earlier. Sam hadn’t been over since he stayed over and I was getting worried about him. He was ignoring my calls and texts, even Seb and Abby hadn’t heard from him. I walked to his house and knocked on the door. Jodi opened the door and gave me a weary look.

“Hi Mari,” she said. “Sam’s in his room. Maybe you can get him out of his room.”

Concerned, I left my boots in the entrance, careful not to tread in any snow. I moved towards Sam’s door after hanging up my jacket and scarf on the coat rack. Radiohead was playing on full blast and the door was locked. 

I banged on the door. “Sam,” I yelled. “It’s Mari, let me in.”

“Go away,” he said gruffly, turning the music up louder. 

Jodi gave me a sad look and I stared mournfully back. “Sam, please. Your mom’s worried.”

Vincent had been quietly playing in his room and stepped out and looked at me. “Let me try.” Jodi and I smiled as he stood before Sam’s door and knocked on it politely. “Big brother, dad wouldn’t like you to act like this.”

At that, Sam lowered the volume on Radiohead and I heard the door unlock. I ruffled Vincent’s hair and promised him a snail when the Spring came again. Stepping into the darkened bedroom, I fumbled to find the light switch. I tripped over something large and warm in the center of the floor that caused me to fall. I realized that it was Sam as I lay on top of him. 

“I’m so sorry,” I said, rolling off him and laying next to him. “Dude, what’s going on?”

“Why are you here?” He asked harshly, moving to face away from me. 

I sighed and stared up at his ceiling that was plastered with glowing stars. “Because I care about you, Sam. You’ve been off since Penny left, so spill. I’m not leaving until you tell me.”

Sam groaned in annoyance and stood from the floor, moving toward his record player. He rummaged through a trunk full of vinyls, searching for the next album to play. I sat up to stare at him in the dim light. I could barely see him but what I could see was alarming. He had dark circles under his eyes, his hair stood on end, and he smelled a little musty.

“I texted her back,” he began. “Telling her I wanted to see her off. She refused, saying she didn’t want to see me. I’ve tried calling her but she won’t answer me. I’m such an asshole. The months before she left she didn’t stop talking to me, and I treated her like shit. Just because I wasn’t her boyfriend doesn’t mean we couldn’t be friends.”

Sam looked over to where I was sitting, waiting for me to say something but I kept my mouth shut. There was nothing I could say. Besides, he probably didn’t want to hear me say “I told you so”.

“I can’t help but feel that she left because of me,” Sam continued. “I know how selfish that sounds, but...I miss her.”

“But only because now she’s gone?” My voice betrayed me, making me sound hopeful. 

Sam sighed and finally took a seat on his bed after decidedly shutting off his record player. Silence filled the room, the musty scent of Sam’s clothes enveloping us. “Yeah, I guess.”

I smiled in the dark room, hoping Sam wouldn’t catch my grin. “What are you gonna do about it?”

“There’s nothing I can do about it now.” Another, deeper sigh escaped Sam as he looked at me. “She’s gone.”

I stood from the floor and sat next to Sam, taking his hand in solidarity. “Well, she probably needs space right now. Give her some time, but keep in touch. Text her when you think about her. If she tells you to back off, then, do that. If not, then you know that she still cares about you.”

Sam laced his fingers through mine, gripping it tightly. “What if I don’t want to reach out?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, feeling a little strange by his forward gesture. “I thought you said you missed her.”

“I do,” he said matter-of-factly. “But not as much as I used to.”

“Then why are you depressed?” I gave him an incredulous look, taking my hand out of his grasp. “Why are you listening to Radiohead?”

“I was upset about Penny,” he explained. “I guess a part of me still loved her, and her leaving hit me hard. But because you came to see me and cheer me up, you reminded me that there’s someone much better suited for me.”

It was my turn to sigh, and I ran a hand through my hair. So he wasn’t going to go after Penny after all. “Sam….” Another sigh tore through me as I said his name.

He took my face in his hands and stared into my eyes. “I know what you’re gonna say, but let me say something first.”

I placed my hands on his but didn’t pry them away, in fact, I welcomed the touch. It had been a while since I’ve been held so tenderly, and as the days continued to pass without so much as a word from Alex, I was losing hope. Maybe Sam was good for me. Being with him had been the end game anyway. 

“Mari, I’m going to be honest with you,” he continued. “I might still feel something for Penny, but it isn’t half as strong as what I feel for you. I want to be with you, in every sense. I think it’s time we both move on, don’t you?”

I looked into his bright blue eyes, feeling a familiar stirring behind my belly button. “Maybe,” I said vaguely, forcing Alex from my mind. 

Sam let his hands drop from my face and looked away. “What does he have that I don’t?”

The hurt tone in his voice made my heart lurch and I immediately felt guilty even though I had been nothing but honest regarding my feelings. “Don’t think about it that way, because you two are very different. I’m sorry that I’m hurting you, but I’ve been completely transparent about everything. Maybe we should take some time apart. We’re both pretty broken up about stuff.”

Sam shook his head and took my hand again. “No. You’re right. I’m being unfair.” He took a deep breath then made a face. “Ugh, why didn’t you tell me I smelled like shit?”

I giggled and looked down at the floor. “You smell like shit.”

He smiled at me but it vanished as quickly as it appeared. “Do you really want to take a break?”

“I said that more for your benefit than mine,” I clarified. “I know what it's like to pine after someone who won’t give you the time of day.” An anguished expression crossed Sam’s face making me feel even guiltier. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...Look, what if I told you that I was willing to give it a try.”

Sam’s face softened to one of sympathy. “I’d say that’s a good idea. No expectations, no promises.”

I winced, thinking about Alex. Hadn’t we promised the same thing? I shook the thought away then refocused on Sam. “Let’s give ourselves a time limit that way we don’t get in too deep.”

He smiled and caressed my face. “How long do I have to convince you?”

I shrugged, shuddering at his touch. “Not too long. I’d hate to waste your time.”

“You never do,” he whispered. “Let’s do two weeks from now, that’s our next gig. We’re playing in Zuzu City at a small punk bar. That can be our last date and the night you can decide once and for all. If you tell me to get lost, I’ll stop bugging you.”

“Just promise me that even if we don’t stay together as a couple, we can still be best friends,” I said in a small voice. “Please.”

“I promise,” he said, giving me a charged look. “Do we have a deal?”

I nodded, not able to talk because of the lump in my throat. Why did I feel like I was betraying Alex? I closed my eyes, mentally scrolling through all my memories of Alex. His laugh. His eyes. His hands. The way he made me feel when we were together. Even though our relationship had started with a physical contract, I truly felt that there was something greater between us. The lump in my throat got bigger and bigger until it felt like I couldn’t get any air. I put my memories of him on a big fluffy cloud and forced them to float away. Still, my chest constricted.

Then, amidst my breathlessness, Sam’s lips pressed themselves against mine. I opened my eyes in surprise only to see his eyes open as well. He was pleading with me, asking me to trust him. I relented and closed my eyes, giving into his kiss. I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my chest against his. His arms wrapped themselves around my waist, though not as muscular, they were very warm. I parted my lips slightly to allow him access, but, surprisingly, Sam pulled away. 

“Sorry,” he said huskily. “I just...I should go clean up.”

I giggled and placed my arms back at my sides. “Probably.”

He leaned in to give me another soft kiss then got up from the bed. “Let’s meet up tomorrow.”

I looked at the clock on his wall and felt my cheeks flush at the time. “I’m surprised Jodi hasn’t come in to kick me out.”

Sam smiled and walked me to the door. I noticed Jodi and Vincent were nowhere to be seen, probably locked in their rooms. I put on my hat, gloves, scarf, and boots then gave Sam one last look. I could feel waves of affection flow between us, though I didn’t know how much of it was just relief on my part. Though Sam’s kisses didn’t hold the same heat Alex’s did, they were still sweet. 

“See you tomorrow,” I said before walking out into the cold evening. 

Even though Sam’s touch relieved my melancholy, I already knew that in two weeks our agreement would be over and I’d be responsible for yet another broken heart.

…

I woke up while it was still dark the next morning, as I was unable to sleep. Thoughts of Alex haunted me most of the night and the other part was haunted by the shattered look on Sam’s face when I inevitably told him it was over. I decided to clean the house, top to bottom, in a manner usually reserved for Spring cleaning. I cleaned out old food from the fridge, I wiped down baseboards, I even scrubbed the stove and oven. By the time the sun was up, I’d moved on to my room and cleaned out my drawers and the closet. 

I found two of Alex’s shirts and a pair of his boxer briefs. I decided on throwing out the bottle of lube, as it had expired. After leaving the house immaculate, I placed Alex’s belongings in a bag. I wrestled with the idea of throwing them out or returning them. Finally, after a breakfast composed of soggy oatmeal and burnt coffee, I decided on the latter. The thought of seeing him again made my heart pound but I ignored it while I dressed for the day in winter-friendly clothing. By the time I reached his house, I felt like I was having a heart-attack. I prayed that no one would answer and I could leave the bag on the doorstep, or at the very least, that Evelyn would be the one to answer. 

After knocking on the door, I put a hand on my chest to steady my heart that was trying to make a break for it. After a few beats of silence, I sighed a breath of relief and was about to leave the bag on the door when it creaked open. A blast of hot, chocolate-chip-cookie-scented air hit me in the face and right there stood Alex. He wore joggers and a light long-sleeve tee. His tan had faded a little bit and there was stubble on his face that gave him a rugged, lumberjack vibe that made my knees weak. 

“Mari?” His eyes were wide and he scanned me from head to toe. “What are--”

I thrust the paper bag at him, avoiding his gaze. “Your stuff. Just wanted to bring it back,” I interrupted.

He took the bag and looked inside, scanning the contents. “Um, thanks.”

“Close the door,” I heard George snap. “There’s a draft.”

Alex met my gaze but then quickly looked away. “Anything else?”

Suddenly, all the anger I’d felt toward him in the past couple of months surged through me and I felt my mouth open to speak. “When are you going to apologize to me?”

He looked taken aback and looked back into the house then at me again. He placed the bag down on the floor, put on a pair of boots and stepped out into the cold. He didn’t even shiver, the bastard. In fact, he looked as comfortable as if it were a balmy summer’s day. 

“It’s been months and we’ve only talked once,” I heard myself say. “I didn’t do anything to deserve that kind of response. I just want--” I stopped myself and looked down at the snow beneath my boots. “Can we at least be friends again?”

I heard Alex chuckle and I whipped my head up to see what was so funny. Seeing his smile melted the ice in my heart and made it skip a beat. It took everything in me not to throw my arms around him and kiss him right then and there.

“What could possibly be funny?” I asked, a little annoyed.

His smile faded slightly. “Nothing, I just...feel like a jackass.”

“You should,” I said smugly, crossing my arms.

“I’m sorry I was so dramatic about the whole thing but,” he paused, kicking at the snow. “But I don’t think we can be friends.”

My heart shattered again. I didn’t know what I thought would happen, but I didn’t think it would be this bad. The lump in my throat formed again, stopping me from talking. 

“Thanks again for bringing me that stuff,” he said kindly. “I’ve...missed seeing you.”

After that, he was gone. I was left out in the cold feeling as if my heart was dying of hypothermia. I trudged back to my cottage, wondering if it was possible to die from heartbreak. No amount of self-love mantras, breathing exercises, or naps would help me feel better about the situation. The only thing I had to hang on to was the fact that he’d said he missed seeing me, but that was a small consolation prize. As far as I could tell, he wanted nothing more to do with me. And that was all I needed to know, because as far as I was concerned there was someone else who did.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know there's no steamy stuff. I wanted to try something a little different. Let me know what you guys think in the comments below, whether you like it or hate it. Thanks so much for reading. Stay safe and healthy. Cheers!  
> -Pandi


	6. Wherever I Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari and Sam give their relationship a try but it isn't as easy as they thought it would be. The night of Sam's gig comes and it's time for them to make their choices. Who will Mari choose?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, hello everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday (if you celebrate it). Here's the next chapter. Thank you all so much for reading and for your lovely comments, they really help get me through those rough patches. Hope you enjoy!

The day after I returned Alex his stuff, a massive snowstorm was slated to blow in. That meant that my plans to work in the mines were foiled unless I wanted to get stuck in them for the next few days. Yeah, it was shitty of me to work while I was giving this whole Sam thing a try, but I guess I was trying to avoid him. It’s not that I disliked him, I was just nervous about being alone with him now. He wasn’t pressuring me to do anything, in fact, he was being very patient and kind. And yet, my anxiety wouldn’t go away.

I was lounging on my couch when I received a text from Sam that set my heart racing.

_ Wanna play some video games? _

I hesitated at first, reading his message twice before answering.

_ Sure. I’ll meet you at your place. _

Another message.

_ Super cold outside. I’ll come to you. _

And there it was. At his house, Jodi and Vincent’s presence made me feel more at ease, but here in my house alone...it made my palms sweaty. I couldn’t stop thinking about the times Alex would come over and spend the weekend with me. There was no reason I shouldn’t allow Sam to do the same, after all, technically we were dating. At least for the next two weeks until we made our final decision. Still, the thought of him coming over and potentially staying the night had my mind racing. Would we get intimate? Did I want to? 

My phone pinged with another message from Sam.

_See you in fifteen_ _:)_

I scrambled off the couch and to my room to change out of my worn sweatshirt and matching sweatpants. Thankfully, the house was clean and smelled fresh. I wondered if I should make extra effort to look nice. It  _ was  _ kind of a date after all. After agonizing for almost too long, I quickly changed into a cute hoodie dress and long socks. I brushed my teeth and hair and decided to do a little bit of makeup so I wouldn’t look so washed out. My summer tan had long faded and in the right light, I looked jaundiced.

As soon as I finished, Sam knocked at the door. I took a deep breath and let him in. He wore a red parka, snow pants, snow boots, and a backpack. He made sure not to track in any snow and undressed in the doorway while I awkwardly waited for him to finish. Beneath his snow gear, he wore a long-sleeve tee and jeans. As soon as he hung up his jacket, he pulled me into a hug. 

“You look cute,” he whispered into my hair. “You didn’t have to dress up for me.”

“Thanks.” I blushed and pulled away. “What’s with the backpack?”

Sam gave me a sheepish smile and shrugged. “Well, the console is in there but...there is a snowstorm coming. If it gets too crazy, I’ll have to stay the night.”

I blushed harder and looked down at the ground. “Will Jodi be okay with that?”

He laughed and took my hand, leading me toward the couch. “It’s no problem. Besides, I’ll be moving out soon. She’ll have to get over it.”

Sam was convinced that the band would be discovered at their gig in Zuzu City. He’d been saving for a place since Penny broke up with him. He was hoping that he, Seb, and Abby could all be roommates. As much as I was rooting for them, a part of me hoped it wouldn’t happen. I didn’t want my friends to leave, but there was nothing here for them. It would be a shame for them to waste their talents and so I never voiced this opinion. Instead, I made Sam promise that when he made it big, he’d play at my coffee house. Whenever I finally got it off the ground.

“So what did you bring?” I asked, sitting on the couch as he set up the console. “Zombie Killer or Zombie Killer 2?”

Sam chuckled and handed me a controller. “Zombie Killer 3. Just got it in the mail.”

He sat on the couch right next to me, so we were thigh to thigh. Sitting so close together made my heart race and I wondered if Sam felt the same. I was still gauging whether or not it was in a good way or a bad way. Scooting away would give him the wrong idea and so I stayed put. I didn’t want him to think that I was avoiding his touch, even though my body wanted me to.

“You okay?” He asked, pressing a button to start the game. “You seem a little stiff.”

I gripped the controller hard and felt my shoulders tense. “‘Cause I am.”

Sam put his controller down then took mine away as well. Then he took my hands in his and looked me in the eyes. “It’s just you and me.”

“That’s why I’m nervous,” I said quietly, pulling my hands away. “Sorry. I just….”

“Did you get nervous with Alex?” Sam asked, sounding hurt. 

I shrugged. “It’s just different.”

“You said you would try,” he answered. “We made a deal.”

I sighed, feeling guilty all of a sudden. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“I won’t touch you until you ask,” Sam said, his tone softening. “I just...I thought you would be okay with it. We used to touch all the time.”

I bit my lower lip and fidgeted with my hands. “Yeah, as friends. Not as anything more. Don’t pretend it doesn’t feel weird. I know you feel it too.”

It was Sam’s turn to sigh, and he ran a hand through his hair. “I guess. But first times are always weird. Maybe if we just push through?”

He had a point. Even the first time I was with Alex I was nervous. I looked down at my hands for a moment then turned to face him. “Okay.”

Sam faced me as well, giving me a probing look. “Just tell me if you want me to stop.”

I nodded and bit my lower lip. Sam reached a hand to my face and cradled my chin. I closed my eyes, waiting for him to do more. His other arm wrapped itself around my waist to pull me closer to him. He tilted my head up and he placed a small kiss on my lips then pulled away and pressed his forehead against mine.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all day,” he whispered. “It just feels right.”

I chuckled and opened my eyes. “But how much of that is because we’re trying to force it to feel right?”

Sam smiled. “You have a point. Wanna keep going and find out?”

He was being so forward. His confidence reminded me of Alex and the thought made me wince. I pulled away and wrapped my arms around me. “Can we play the game for a little bit?”

A disappointed look crossed Sam’s face but he quickly masked it with another smile. “You’re going down.”

I grabbed the controller and rolled my eyes. “You’re always so cocky but then you’re quick to make excuses when I kick your ass.”

“Wanna be the zombie or the survivor?” He asked, avoiding my quip. 

“You pick,” I answered.

He chuckled and shook his head. “I’ll be the zombie this round.”

The game started and we both leaned forward in our seats, intensely focusing on the screen. His knee grazed mine as we fought back and forth, making my skin heat up. I peeked at him from the corner of my eye, studying him. He was concentrating hard on the game and his hair stuck out in all directions. His mouth was relaxed and his eyes glimmered. I had to admit that he looked good. I refocused on the game, making sure I kept my eyes glued to the screen.

“Aw yeah!” I cried as I mowed down his zombie. “I win.”

Sam groaned and nudged me. “Still using those cheats I see.”

I stuck my tongue out. “Whatever, I won fair and square. Get good!”

He stared at me for a moment then refocused on the screen. “I want to kiss you again.”

“Tell you what.” I hid my blush with a smirk. “If you win the next round, I’ll make out with you.”

Sam blushed, still looking at the screen. “You’re on.”

Without another word, we got into the next game. Strangely, Sam was silent throughout the entire round. He gave me a run for my money and almost came close to winning but I prevailed again.

“Oh, so close,” I teased. “Looks like you won’t get that kiss.”

“Let’s go again,” he answered, avoiding my gaze. “I’ll get you this time.”

I shook my head and smiled. “Fine.”

This round, Sam finally beat me. He stood up and ran around the room. “Woohoo! Take that!”

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. “You got lucky. Don’t get used to it.”

Sam came to stand before me and leaned down. “How about my prize?”

I kept my arms crossed and looked away. “I guess we did have a deal.”

“Just close your eyes,” he said. “I’ll make it as painless as possible.”

I did as I was told, arms still crossed. Sam’s lips met mine again, though this time there was more heat to his kiss. He caged me in his arms, pressing me further into the couch. I gave into him and opened my mouth, feeling his tongue touch mine. Strangely, he tasted good, almost sweet. I absentmindedly reached my hands up to cradle his face. He stopped kissing me long enough to sit on the couch and pull me close to him again. We resumed our kiss and forgot all about Zombie Killer 3. His hands gripped my waist as I pressed my chest against his. We stayed like that for a bit, just kissing and clutching at each other.

After feeling undesired for the last few months, being kissed and wanted felt so good. I couldn't stop my hands from moving up and down his chest, trying to touch as much as Sam's body as possible. The bad part of my brain kept comparing him to Alex. His muscles weren't as big and he didn't smell like sea salt. It was unfair of me to do that but I couldn't help myself. 

"Sam," I whispered, pulling away. "Do you...want to stay the night? Even if it doesn't snow?"

He smiled at me and pulled me into another kiss. "I'd like that."

Sam's hands roamed down to my thighs where they stopped. He made small circles with his fingers as I dipped a hand into his shirt. His skin was hot and his stomach toned with slight muscle. He watched me as I explored his body. I lifted his shirt off his head, then ran my fingers down his chest and shoulders. His body wasn't as sculpted as Alex's, but it was athletic. I leaned in to kiss his neck and I felt him stiffen underneath me.

I quickly pulled away. "Did I do something wrong?"

Sam swallowed hard and took my hands. "No. It's just...I'm the one who's nervous now."

His answer took me aback. "Have you never…?"

Sam gave me a bashful smile. "I've had sex. But I'm not very experienced."

I blushed. "Oh."

He blushed too and put his shirt back on. "Penny was my first."

I held back my surprise. "You never told me."

He chuckled. "I didn't think you'd want to know that."

The fact that Sam was so inexperienced excited me. I know that sounded bad but I was a bad person. I was conflicted with wanting to teach him everything I knew and not touching him. I had been right about him. Sam was someone to make love with, not have a quick and dirty fuck. I briefly thought back to the time I was in love with him. I supposed a small part of me still liked him but that was overshadowed by my love for Alex. Another sigh tore through me as Alex re-entered my thoughts. It would be unfair of me to have sex with Sam while thinking about  _ him _ .

I pulled away and stood from the couch. "I'll make some hot chocolate."

Sam grabbed my wrist and pulled me down onto his lap. "You don't have to stop."

"But I do." I tried to pull out of his grasp but he held fast. "Let go of me."

"No," he said, tightening his grip. "Stop making excuses. I want to give this a real try, but you won't even give me a chance."

I felt tears prick my eyes and I shut my eyes tight. "I know and I'm sorry, but I just can't do this."

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because I can't stop thinking about  _ him _ ," I answered. "Because I keep comparing you and that's shitty and unfair."

Sam was silent for a moment then let go of me. "I'm doing the same."

My jaw hit the ground and I got up from his lap. "You are?"

"I can't help it," he answered. "Of course I'm going to compare. Isn't that really what this is all about? Whether or not we're a good fit for each other?"

I stared at Sam, feeling ashamed. "It sounds so bad when you say it like that."

"I'm not under any illusions about our situation," he said. "I'm completely clear on the fact that this can be over in two weeks. That being said, I don't think that exploring and comparing is a bad thing. That's the point."

I sighed and sat on the couch, hugging a cushion to my chest. "Can I ask you what you're thinking about us so far?"

Sam shrugged. "So far I've found out that I like being around you. And that I Iike kissing you. But it's still too soon to tell." He looked at me. "What are you thinking?"

"You want the truth?" I asked. "Because it's pretty bad."

Sam took my hand and squeezed. "Of course. I promise you won't hurt my feelings."

I looked down at our intertwined fingers and took a deep breath. "I really am trying to do this but I can't help but think it's a waste of time. I don't want to hurt you. I want you to go after Penny. I want all your dreams to come true. I also want to keep you here out of selfishness. I'm just a mess and I can't...I don't want to be without him anymore."

"If he wanted you, wouldn't he come see you?" Sam asked gently. "I mean, no offense, but he said he didn’t even want to be friends."

Again tears pricked my eyes but I kept them back. "And that's why I don't want to hold you back. You deserve someone healthy and emotionally available. I'm sorry, but I can't keep wasting your time like this."

Sam pressed a kiss into the back of my hand. "I'm sorry I pushed you into this."

The tears finally fell and my shoulders slumped forward. "I love him, Sam."

"I know." He pressed another kiss into my hand and hugged me. "I know."

We stayed like that for a while. I cried in his arms. Again. This was turning into a normal occurrence. I felt so bad, using Sam as an emotional crutch but he's been there for me. He knows me. He's my best friend and I never want to lose that.

By the time I was done sobbing, I was exhausted. Sam helped me to bed and tucked me in. He moved to leave but I asked him to stay and sleep in the bed with me. I didn't want to be alone. He crawled into bed with me and held me until I fell asleep. I vaguely remember him pressing a kiss on my lips before I passed out.

…

I woke up in the middle of the night. My throat felt dry and my head was pounding and I was way too warm under the covers. Sam was nowhere to be found. He more than likely left to go home hours ago. The thought made a lump form in my throat. I threw the comforter off me and grabbed a pair of PJs as I was still dressed in my outfit from earlier. I went to the bathroom to clean up and remove my smudged make up then dressed in my pyjamas. I left my room to get a glass of water when I heard loud snoring. Sam was passed out on my couch, a controller on his chest and the TV blaring the theme to Zombie Killer 3.

The sight made me chuckle and feel relieved. He hadn’t left. Maybe it had gotten too snowy. I walked over to shut off the TV and placed his controller on the coffee table. I thought about letting him sleep, but he looked so uncomfortable cramped on the couch. 

“Sam?” I whispered, nudging him slightly. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Sam let out another snore and flipped to face away from me. 

“Sam,” I said, a little louder. “Get up. You’ll catch a cold out here.”

“Mari?” He said groggily. “Why are you awake?”

“Couldn’t sleep, your snoring was too loud,” I answered. “Now get up. You’re coming to bed.”

“I’m fine out here,” he said, turning his head toward me. “Go back to sleep.”

I sighed. “What if I want you to sleep with me?”

He was silent for a moment then sat up from the couch. He stretched his arms up above his head, letting me see a sliver of his stomach. “Okay.”

I took his hand and led him to the bed. I looked down at his jeans and giggled. “Take off your pants and get comfortable.”

“No way,” he answered, looking away.

“What?” I asked, crossing my arms smugly. “Scared I’ll see your tighty-whities?”

Even in the limited light I could see Sam’s light blush. “It’s fine. I can sleep in these.”

“Oh my gosh, no way!” I squealed, reaching a hand toward the button on his jeans. “Let me see them.”

He grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand away. “No.”

I smirked evilly. “Come on,” I said, egging him on. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Sam blushed even harder and let go of my wrist. “Stop. Let’s just go to bed.”

I kept the smirk on my face but raised my hands in surrender. “Fine.”

Sam let out a breath of relief and moved to get into the bed and that’s when I took my chance. I grabbed his jeans and pulled them down, expecting to see tiny white undies. Instead, all that stared back at me was his pale bare ass. 

“Mari!” He shrieked, pulling his jeans back up. “Why would you do that?”

I let out a loud guffaw and fell back on the bed, cracking up. Sam glared at me as tears rolled down my face and I finally got it together enough to speak. “Commando?”

“It’s more comfortable,” he said, crossing his arms. “A lot of guys do it.”

“I didn’t peg you as that type,” I giggled. 

Sam’s lips twitched in a way that told me he wanted to laugh too but he kept it together. “Whatever.”

“I can lend you some panties,” I teased, throwing a pair at him from my dresser. 

Sam dodged them then looked down at where they landed. He picked them up and studied them. I realized that I had thrown him a crotchless pair that Alex had bought me. I still had yet to wear them as the price tag still dangled from it. My cheeks burned with embarrassment and I pounced, reaching for them. Sam saw my lunge and yanked them out of my reach and held them above my head haughtily. 

“Well, well, well,” he said in a tone I’d never heard him use. “Look who’s embarrassed now? What are these for?”

“Don’t be an ass,” I hissed. “Give them back and let’s go to bed.”

I tried to rip them out of his grasp but he just held them up higher. “I think I’ll hang on to these.”

“Are you gonna put them on?” I asked in a harsh tone. “Come on, Sam. Give them here.”

He studied my face for a moment then handed me back the panties. I stuffed them deep into the dresser and slammed the drawer shut. After all that, I couldn’t look Sam in the face and so I threw myself on the bed and threw the covers over my head. Sam followed soon after, though I noticed that he lay above the sheets. He really was a sweet guy.

“You can lay under the sheets with me,” I whispered, facing away from him. “I don’t mind.”

“You sure?” He asked.

“Just get in here,” I said, rolling my eyes.

Sam did as I asked and I felt his warm body against mine. He was still fully dressed and I wondered if he didn’t bring his own PJs. I turned my head slightly to look at him. His eyes were closed and his face was relaxed. I adjusted so I was on my back and looking up at the ceiling.

“Good night,” I said.

“Night,” he answered, his eyes still closed.

I closed my eyes as well, though I couldn’t force myself to sleep. My mind was racing a mile a minute. There was electricity coursing through my veins as I lay there next to Sam. Could he feel it too? I kept thinking about his lips against mine and how nice it had felt earlier. I was giving myself mental whiplash with all the back and forth I’d been doing all night. I didn’t want to be with Sam and yet I did. I wanted to crawl back to Alex and yet I didn’t. I ground my teeth and forced my mind to clear and quiet down. I just needed to sleep.

“Mari?” Sam interrupted my thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“Can I cuddle you?” he asked in a hoarse voice. “I’m a little cold.”

“Sure,” I answered, feeling my heart leap into my throat.

I faced away from him again as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. I hoped to Yoba that he couldn’t feel my heart pounding away in my chest and tried to steady my breathing. I couldn’t tell if I liked this or not but one thing was for sure, my body was reacting to his touch in a feverish way.

“You okay?” He asked. “You’re shaking.”

“Am I?” I couldn’t tell. I felt like I was looking down on the scene and not in control of myself anymore. 

“I’m nervous too,” he whispered, right into my ear and sending shivers down my back.

“You are?” I bit my lower lip. “Why?”

“Because I’m touching you like this,” he said. “Why are you nervous?”

“Same,” I managed to answer. 

Sam went silent for another moment then scooted back away from me though he still kept his arms around me. I moved to press my back against his chest again but he stopped me. A realization came upon me. He was hard. That was why he was moving away from me.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I’m just….” He trailed off.

I let out a gentle giggle and turned to face him. “It’s okay. It’s normal.”

Sam studied my face. “Can I kiss you again?”

I nodded, leaning in closer. “Yes.”

What the hell? We were both giving this a try. Sam was right. These next two weeks would be all about comparing and seeing if we were a good fit. Sure, sexual compatibility wasn’t a huge part of a relationship, but I was curious. And I was so damn horny. It had been a while and we both wanted it. 

Sam leaned in to kiss me and I kissed him back. His hands roamed my waist and I took one and put it on my breast. He broke the kiss to gasp and gently squeeze it. “Are you sure?”

“Shut up,” I whispered, kissing him again. “Let’s not think about it too much.”

I reached my own hand down to touch his erection through his pants. He hissed against my mouth then pushed his tongue against mine. We groped and tasted each other, gaining more and more confidence. Sam’s hands dipped beneath my thin shirt and tweaked a nipple. I let out a small moan that made his member twitch against my hand. I unbuttoned his jeans and gripped his shaft, gently stroking up and down as he continued to explore my breasts. 

“Mari,” he whispered. “I want you.”

I gripped his length more firmly in answer and stroked him a little faster. Sam nibbled my lower lip in answer and then moved so I was no longer touching him. He got out of the bed and stripped down into the nude. I looked at his bare body, liking what I saw. He wasn’t an Adonis, but he was well-built. I studied his narrow waist and broad shoulders as he finished undressing. Once he was done, he got back into the bed and caged me in his arms. His lips set my body aflame as he kissed me again and I ran my fingers up and down his lower stomach. I gripped his length once more, stroking him freely.

“If you keep doing that I’ll cum,” he said in haggard breaths.

“That’s the point,” I answered coyly. 

I continued to stroke him as he kissed my neck and bit my collarbones. One of his hands teased my nipples and made my back arch up against him. I could tell by his breathing that he was getting close. I stroked him a little faster causing him to inhale sharply. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and let out a small groan. Suddenly, his cock twitched in my hand and then he pulled himself out of my grasp.

“Not yet,” he panted. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath then exhaled. When he opened his eyes again, they were gray with lust. 

“Sorry,” I whispered. 

“Don’t you dare apologize,” he said. “I just want this to last as long as it can.”

“Are you a one and done type of guy?” I asked, a tone of slight disappointment staining my voice. 

Sam gave me a sheepish smile. “I’m working on it. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get there first.”

He kissed me again, pressing his hard length against my stomach. I wrapped my arms around his neck and opened my mouth. His lips left mine and traveled down my neck to my chest. He pulled my shirt off and sucked my nipples into his mouth. The action felt good but he did it almost too hard. I told him to ease up and he did, though sometimes he would slip and bite down hard again. I could tell he was eager to please me but he definitely was a novice. 

“Here.” I took his hand and trailed it down my body and into my silky pants. “Let me show you.”

He let out a breath full of desire as his fingers touched the slick wetness of my folds. I pulled my pants down and spread my legs so he could see me. His fingers poked and prodded me in an awkward way but soon enough he got the hang of it. He brushed my clit with his thumb, making my legs shiver with pleasure. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered into my ear. 

I blushed and let out a sigh. He was starting to make me feel good though it wasn’t enough. I wanted him inside me. 

“Sam,” I panted. “Please.”

He gave me a knowing look and got off the bed and left the room. I kept rubbing my clit, to make sure I didn’t lose the momentum he had built. He came back with a disappointed look on his face and I stopped my ministrations.

“You didn’t bring any.” It was more a statement than a question.

He ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. “I can go back home and grab some.”

I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it. The snow storm must be in full swing by now. Besides, the mood will be gone.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking agonized.

I patted the bed beside me. “Just come here.”

Sam’s disappointment was replaced with light optimism. He took me in his arms again and kissed me deeply. “You still want to?”

I bit my lower lip. I was definitely considering it but it only took one time, even if I was on birth control. I shook my head. “We can still have fun in other ways.”

His eyes glowed as he looked down at me. “What did you have in mind?”

“Lay back,” I ordered, detangling myself from his embrace.

He did as I asked and I gave him a coy smile. I kissed his neck, then his chest, then all the way down his stomach. His skin broke out in goosebumps. I wanted to hear him moan for me. I apparently had a kink for inexperienced guys. I gave him one last lingering look before I closed my eyes and licked his member from base to tip. Sam’s hands were immediately in my hair and he forced me down onto him. His eagerness turned me on.

“Gentle,” I said through a mouthful of cock.

Sam eased up on my hair and let out another sigh. “Sorry. I’ve just always wanted to know what this feels like.”

I smirked, excited to take away his oral virginity and I continued to suck him off. I made sure to cup his balls in one hand as my mouth and tongue wrapped around his length. His fingers still remained tangled in my hair as if he were afraid that if he let go I would stop. I did my best to reassure him by caressing his thigh and continuing to pleasure him with my mouth. His moans gave me all the confidence I needed and I took him down as far as I could. He growled and I felt his balls tighten.

“Cum,” I whispered. 

That was all he needed and I felt his semen shoot down the back of my throat. He humped my mouth as I sucked out every drop he gave me. His hands left my hair and he fully relaxed onto my pillows. His body was still covered in goosebumps and slight shudders shook him from time to time. I licked my lips and sat up.

“How are you feeling?” I asked him.

His eyes were closed tightly. “Fucking amazing.”

I giggled and dipped a finger down into my wet core. “Good.”

He opened his eyes and gave me a shy smile. “You’re incredible.”

I lay next to him and pulled him into a kiss. I tried to stoke the fires of passion from earlier, but no amount of heavy petting or deep kissing gave Sam the hint. He seemed to be content just kissing and touching. I remembered that he was a one and done type of guy and my shoulders slumped. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked. 

“Can I assume you don’t want to reciprocate?” 

Another sheepish smile broke out on Sam’s face. “Sorry. Once I orgasm I’m out of the mood.”

I grabbed his length in my hand again. “I can bring the mood back,” I said in a husky voice.

Sam moved my hand away and gave me a sweet kiss. “It won’t work. Sorry. Can we try again tomorrow?”

The fire between my legs dampened slightly and annoyance filled me. “Sure.”

“Thanks for understanding,” he said, yawning. “Good night.”

He rolled over and almost immediately fell asleep. I glared at the back of his head and lay down. Another pang of loneliness hit me, making me miss Alex immensely. Usually a blow job would rile him up and he wouldn’t be able to get enough of me. Sam’s reaction reminded me of Ryan’s selfishness, but I had to be kind. He was still learning the ropes and his body. I couldn't hold it against him and I told myself I wouldn’t. Though I couldn’t shake the bitterness from my mind as I drifted off into sleep.

…

The next two weeks passed uneventfully. The snowstorm knocked out the electricity for three days but thankfully I had the wherewithal to buy canned goods I could cook in the fireplace. Sam stayed with me throughout those days and finally when the roads were cleared and the power was back, he returned home. I had never been so relieved to be alone. We’d tried to have sex again and he almost gave me an orgasm once but his fingers got tired. He wouldn’t go down on me because he was too shy and I wouldn’t let him fuck me without a condom. We spent most of the time in awkward silence, wrapped in blankets trying to stay warm. 

Everything else between us was great. We had good chemistry. We liked the same things. He was a great kisser. But that was it. I didn’t want to say it but I had been right about my assumption. This whole thing would be a waste of time. As much as I cared for Sam, I wasn’t in love with him anymore. We were good as friends, and I knew he could tell too. As much as he tried to force us together, it just wasn’t working. He texted me non stop, telling me how much he missed me and how beautiful I was but I knew they were empty words. Those words belonged to Penny. He had to be thinking about her, because I was thinking about Alex non-stop. I wished he would text me at least once, but I hadn’t heard from him at all.

The night of the band’s gig finally arrived, and I boarded the bus along with Sam, Seb, Abby and almost half the town. I couldn’t see Alex through the fray, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. The band and I sat at the back of the bus. Sam wrapped his arm around my shoulders as he chattered excitedly with Seb and Abby about the venue they were playing at. The club was called Gastro, and was apparently a place in which many other bands had gotten their start. I smiled and laughed when appropriate but I couldn’t get my mind off what would inevitably happen. Tonight was the night I would rip Sam’s heart out. 

We reached Zuzu City at 9 PM. An hour before the band’s call time. Pam dropped us all off in front of Gastro. Sam and the band left to go around back and check in while the rest of us got in line. It had been so long I’d been in the city, I had forgotten how loud it was. Sirens from police cars, and the loud chatter of the line mixed together making my ears ring. The tip of my nose and fingers numbed with the cold as I waited. Thankfully being in a large group of people helped cut down on the wind. By the time I reached the bouncer, my bare legs looked blue. I was wearing a windbreaker over my club dress and nothing more. Once I got inside, it would be way too warm for anything more than that. 

The bouncer checked my ID then waved me inside without so much as a second glance. I left my windbreaker at the coat check and wove my way to the bar. I needed a drink and a strong one. After ordering a Vodka Soda that was more Vodka than soda, I went to look for someone I knew. I was sure Sam and the band were still setting up and getting ready for their show so I wouldn’t see much of them until afterwards. I searched the gyrating crowd, a Queen remix pumping through the club. I definitely didn’t want to hang out with Emily and Clint. Clint’s awkward comments and compliments were absolutely cringe worthy. Pam was dutifully staying as far away as she could from the bar. Anyone else we’d driven in with were mixed in with the thick crowd and I couldn’t catch sight of them. 

A flash of blonde hair caught my attention and I elbowed my way over. Haley was sashaying her hips to the beat of the song in the middle of a circle of drooling guys. She was dressed in a tiny champagne dress that was stoned for the gods. Her hair and makeup were done up to perfection. Next to her, any super model would be hard pressed to compete. I thought I had gone all out in my backless dress and strappy heels. I pounded down my drink, left the empty glass on a nearby high top and joined Haley. She took my hands and we both began to gyrate together, our hips perfectly syncing to the beat. 

Whoops and hollers surrounded us. I wasn’t usually one to be the center of attention but I could tell why Haley liked it so much. It was nice to be desired and that was definitely something I’d been craving for the past few days. Not that Sam didn’t give me enough attention, it just wasn’t the attention I wanted. Thinking of Sam made the alcohol in my stomach churn painfully. Haley said something that I couldn’t catch and so I moved closer so my ear was near her mouth.

“Let’s go touch up in the bathroom,” she shouted.

I nodded and we took each other’s hands so we wouldn’t lose each other in the crowd. The line outside the bathroom was long but thankfully the music was a little less loud. 

“Farm girl,” she said playfully.

“Haley,” I answered back.

It was strange. After that heart to heart with Haley a few months back, it felt like we were actually friends now. I didn’t even hesitate to go after her in the club and join her circle. If we hadn’t had that talk, I was sure her letting me join her as I had wouldn’t have happened in a million years. 

“How are things with Sam?” She plucked a chunk of hair off her lip gloss. “I saw you two looking cozy on the bus.”

I looked down at my painted toes. “They’re good.”

She shook her head. We finally reached the bathroom and I carefully balanced myself above the toilet in a nasty stall. After relieving myself I joined Haley at the sinks where she was retouching her lip gloss. 

“Did you talk to him like I told you?” She asked.

I nodded, taking out my own compact to retouch my blush. “He told me he didn’t want to be friends.”

Haley scoffed. “Idiot.”

I chuckled and moved to touch up my eyeliner. “I know.”

“Both of you,” she clarified. “Both of you are idiots. Why are you with Sam? It’s clear that you don’t like him.”

Her words stung my heart with their truth. I shut my compact with a satisfying click. “We have an agreement. Tonight’s the last night, then we have to decide.”

I explained to Haley our deal and she just rolled her eyes and moved to touch up her mascara.

“Seems like you wasted your time and now you’re gonna hurt someone,” she said. “Why would you put yourself through that when you’re still in love with Alex?”

“Because Alex doesn’t want me,” I answered harshly. I lowered my voice when a group of giggling girls gave me a look. “I told him I missed him but he just brushed me off.”

Haley finished primping and finally looked at me. “But did you tell him you loved him?”

I shook my head, defeated. 

“Then tell him.” She tousled her hair and gave her reflection a wink. “Otherwise, he won’t know.”

“But he’s the one who broke it off,” I explained. “Why would I tell him after that?”

Haley’s perfectly groomed eyebrows crashed together in confusion. Her face softened and she just shook her head. “Oh Alex.”

“Huh?” I asked, confused as well. 

She waved her comment away. “Let’s get back out there. The band is gonna start soon.”

I was thoroughly perplexed and I couldn’t figure out what she was talking about. She led us back out to the dance floor just as an announcer was introducing the Renegades. We pushed our way all the way to the front, though most guys just let Haley breeze past them much to their girlfriends’ annoyance. We reached the stage right as Sam took the mic and introduced himself and the rest of the band.

After a few whoops and cheers, they broke into their first song, Fall Out Boy’s “Centuries”. It was a great choice for an opening number, especially with the way they had remixed it. Abby’s haunting tone harmonized with Sam’s gruff voice to create an entirely new sound. The crowd loved it and jumped up and down. I looked over at Haley to see her texting madly. She caught my eye and dropped her phone back into the gold clutch hanging from her shoulder and gave me an innocent smile. I smiled back, refocusing on Sam.

He was dressed in an all black ensemble that made his blonde hair and blue eyes pop. Ripped jeans, combat boots, and a black t-shirt told the crowd that he was mysterious and the black nail polish and guyliner told us that he wasn’t afraid of experimenting with his look. I had to admit he looked good, handsome even, but he didn’t make my heart race like he used to. He looked down and winked at me. I winked back though I was sure he could tell my heart wasn’t in it. 

The band seamlessly transitioned into Panic’s “Hey Look Ma, I Made It”. The funky tune got the whole crowd rowdy and dancing maniacally. Haley and I bumped hips as we made a few guys’ tongues wag next to us. I tried to focus on the music as much as I could and dance the night away but the heavy feeling of tonight’s end was weighing me down. No matter how I sliced it, Sam was going to hate me even though we’d made a deal to keep being friends. He just seemed so into me, and I couldn’t muster the same feelings for him. 

I looked up at Sam as he crooned the last note of the song, he was looking into the crowd. I followed his gaze behind me and gulped hard. There near the back was Penny. I felt my knees get wobbly as she looked past me and at the stage. She looked beautiful, happier even. Her hair was down from it’s usual style and she wore a long-sleeved blue dress that showed off her shoulders. She even seemed to be wearing heels. Clearly her time in the city had served her well. Her gaze shifted from Sam to me and I immediately faced forward. I looked up at Sam again and he gave me a knowing look. 

The opening chords of “Wherever I Go” by OneRepublic made my skin crawl. How serendipitous. 

“I know I could lie but I’m telling the truth,” Sam’s voice rang out. “Wherever I go there’s a shadow of you.”

He wasn’t looking at me anymore, instead his eyes were screwed shut as he sang. He gripped his chest and I could tell he was shaken by Penny’s attendance. I nudged Haley so she could look back and see Penny. She nudged me back and waved the redhead over. Penny pushed through the crowd and finally arrived to stand next to me. I could barely look at her. I felt so guilty moving in on her ex even though she’d basically given us her blessing. 

“Hey guys,” she shouted. “So good to see you.”

She wrapped both Haley and I in a group hug. It took everything in me not to bolt at that moment. Instead, I forced myself to look her in the eye and smile. “You look amazing.”

“Thank you,” she giggled. 

Haley leaned in and whispered something to her and then gave me another innocent look. Penny smiled wider and looked up at the stage. I didn’t catch what was going on but I was determined to find out.

“Did Sam invite you?” I asked, a hopeful tone to my voice.

She shook her head, eyes still focused on Sam. “No. Haley did.”

I shot Haley a look that she dodged with a smirk. “Well, regardless, I’m glad you’re here.”

“You are?” Penny gave me a curious look. “Why?”

“You know why,” I said, a wobble of relief in my voice. “We gave it a try, but...I’m still in love with someone else. And by the way Sam keeps looking at you, well, I think it's safe to say that he’s still in love with you too.”

Penny’s cheeks grew rosy and she gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “Thanks, Mari.”

I squeezed her hand back and leaned into her ear. “Good luck.”

She laughed. “You too.”

Sam caught my eye one last time and his voice took on a harsher tone. “No easy love could ever make me feel the same.” 

At that moment, I realized that we had both come to the end of our agreement. He’d chosen Penny, and I was still choosing Alex even though he didn’t want me back. I figured that was my lot in life. To like guys who didn’t like me back. I supposed it was better than forcing a relationship with someone I had no romantic chemistry with. I blew Sam a kiss. He gave me a wistful smile in return then refocused on Penny.

With that I turned to leave the stage, leaving behind Penny and Sam gazing lovingly at each other. My heart was full knowing that they were finally back together. As alone as I felt, I felt better knowing that Sam’s affections weren’t being wasted on me and instead were going toward someone more deserving of them. I made it to the bar, ordering another Vodka Soda when my phone vibrated with a text. I juggled it out of my clutch and lifted it to eye level.

_ Grab me one too. Need some booze if I’m gonna have to stare at these lovebirds all night. _

The message had been from Haley, and with a laugh, I ordered her a fruity cocktail that I thought would be more to her liking. As I walked back toward the stage, someone’s hand landed on the small of my back. I jerked away, ready to throw my drink in the person’s face when my eyes met green ones. 

I was staring up at Alex and he stared back. The glasses fell from my hands but I didn’t hear them shatter. I was too transfixed on the man before me. I couldn’t even speak, not that I would if I could. There was no way I was going to say something first. He was the one who needed to apologize to me, not the other way around. We hadn’t spoken in months, and even though I knew every curve of his body, I felt I was looking at a stranger. He wasn’t as bulky as he once was, instead he looked thinner and pale. There was a shadow of a beard on his face. He looked...depressed. 

“Mari,” he said hoarsely. “You look...” He trailed off, though he never took his eyes off mine. They looked like faded grass instead of his normal army green. 

“When did you get here?” I asked, my throat feeling dry.

“A few minutes ago,” he answered.

“Did Haley--” I began, but I was quickly cut off.

“Mari, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I’m a fucking idiot. I’m a mess. I--”

I threw my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. “Shut the fuck up you idiot.”

Alex hugged me back tightly. I felt the breath that had left my body months ago, return. It was scented with sea salt and aftershave. The familiar press of his body against mine made me feel whole again. He was with me. Touching me, breathing me in. It was as if the rest of the world had fallen away and we were alone. As if he had never left. 

“Forgive me, Mari,” he said into my hair. “I was being stupid.”

I looked up at him to see his eyes shimmering with emotion. If he cried right now, I would lose it completely. “Just hold me you dumb jock,” I whispered. 

Alex took my face in his hands, and just looked at me. Tears escaped my eyes and he wiped them away with his thumbs. I pulled his face down to my level, pressing his forehead against mine. 

“You’re not mad?” he whispered.

“I’m furious,” I hissed back, but I just kept myself pressed against him. “You call me melodramatic but you’re the one who acted like you were in some trashy romance novel.”

“Fair enough.” He chuckled that beautiful, melodic chuckle I’d missed so much. “My jealousy got the best of me. Then you and lover boy started hanging out again and then I never saw you and you were locked away on your farm with him and--”

I pressed my fingers against his lips. “Shut up and let me talk.”

Alex took my hands away from his mouth. “No you shut up,” he snapped. I shook my head and tried to pull away but he held fast. He forced my chin to look at him. “Let me apologize properly.”

“Just kiss me,” I pleaded, my voice barely a whisper. 

Alex leaned in then pulled back. He dropped my arms and took a couple steps back, but I followed after him. I was not about to lose him all over again, especially over something so petty and stupid. 

“I need some space,” Alex said. “If you get too close I’ll….”

“You’ll what?” I snapped. “Run away? Hide?”

Alex gave me an agonized look. He really did look like he was going to run away. I placed a hand over my chest, forcing my heart to stay in place. If he left again, it would surely go along with him. He looked panicked and his eyes flitted around the room in an unfocused way. 

“Hey guys!” All of a sudden, Haley showed up and threw her arms around us. “Damn Alex, did you stop working out? You look awful.”

“Not now,” he began, shrugging her arm off his shoulder. He looked annoyed now and his shoulders slumped even more.

“Touchy,” she pouted then she looked at the broken glass on the ground. “What happened to our drinks? I’m thirsty.”

My throat was completely locked as Alex and I stared each other down. Haley’s arm felt heavy across my shoulders, but it helped me stay grounded, otherwise I’d be running or passing out.

“I’ll get you some new ones,” Alex grumbled, leaving us alone. Well, as alone as one could be surrounded by a massive crowd of people in a club. 

Haley’s smile vanished as soon as Alex’s back was turned and she gave me a look full of concern. “Are you okay? You look like you’re about to throw up.”

I did feel a little nauseous. “Did you invite him here?” I managed to ask.

“No,” she answered, but I didn’t believe her. She pretended to search the crowd as if she were looking for someone. “Now smile and look enchanting, he’s coming back.”

I tried to force a smile on my face but all I could manage was a grimace that I quickly put a stop to. Alex returned with our drinks. Somehow he’d managed to get our exact drink order and handed Haley both glasses. She handed me the fruity drink I thought she would like and took a long swig from what was supposed to be my Vodka Soda. I looked down at the orange drink in my hand and scowled, not bothering to take a sip.

“When did you get here?” Haley asked, obviously not having a clue that I’d already asked him that question.

“Few minutes ago,” Alex answered sharply. It was clear her was more than annoyed now, he was angry.

“My feet hurt,” she said to no one in particular. “Why don’t you two go dance while I grab us a table?”

“No,” Alex and I both said at the same time.

Haley’s smile vanished and she knocked the rest of her Vodka Soda back. “Will you two just grow up and talk?”

“Shut up Haley,” Alex snapped.

“No, you shut up.” Haley’s beautiful face was full of rage. “Your head is so far up your own ass you can’t even see what’s in front of you. Stop pushing people out, Alex. I’m sorry I fucked you up, I really am, but you can’t let that stop you from making a meaningful connection with someone who truly loves you.”

After that, Haley stomped away. I moved to go after her and grabbed her arm but she shook me off. “Tell him, Mari,” she choked out. “Tell him what an idiot he’s been.”

Her eyes looked glassy but she gave me a nod. I nodded back and turned to face Alex. However, before I could say anything, Alex was already gone. I pushed through the crowd and toward the exit. I didn’t even bother to grab my windbreaker from the coat check and instead I stumbled out into the blustering wind. The line that had been outside the club was now gone, and the only people around were the bouncers and taxi drivers waiting to pick up drunk patrons. 

Hot tears poured down my cheeks and I looked both ways in a panic. I hoped to catch a glimpse of him getting in a taxi or hurrying away on foot, but I couldn’t see him anywhere. I slipped on an ice patch and fell on my ass. A few drunks laughed but all I could do was cry. Alex had left me. Again.

A warm hand helped me up from the ground and I wiped my eyes as I stumbled up to my feet. I must have looked a mess and my teeth were chattering uncontrollably. The warm hand turned into a warm embrace and the smell of sea salt and aftershave enveloped me. Loud sobs escaped me as Alex held me in his jacket and we rocked back and forth. I couldn’t take anymore of his mood swings. It was getting to be too much.

“Go away,” I said bitterly. “I can’t stand this anymore. You’ve made me cry over you too many times.” I took a deep breath. “I hate you!”

“Mari.” Alex held me tighter and pressed his lips against my ear. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for reading this chapter that was so overdue. Let me know what you guys think in the comments below. Cheers!  
> -Pandi


	7. Together but Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex told Mari that he loves her, but how will he react when he finds out that she had a semi-sexual relationship with Sam?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, sorry for such a late post. School, anxiety, depression, and a slew of other things left me with very little creative energy to write. This chapter is the shortest so far, with only 3,000 words. Please forgive me. I'll make it up with the next one. Hope you enjoy.

_ Sam’s hands were all over me. He groped and pinched my nipples as his warm tongue poked itself into my mouth. A small moan escaped me as his fingers traveled down my stomach, into my pants and toward my center. His breath hitched as he touched me down there, feeling just how wet I was. A small shiver went down my spine and I scooted us closer to the fireplace so we could stay warm.  _

_ “Do you want to see it?” I asked in a husky voice. _

_ Sam blushed and nodded. I shook the blanket from my shoulders and threw it down so I could lay on it. I then pulled down my pants and underwear, slowly like I was putting on a little show. Once I was nude from the waist down, I opened my legs and used my fingers to rub my clit a little bit.  _

_ I looked at Sam with hooded eyes and gave him a coy smile. “Touch me.” _

_ Sam’s breath hitched again and he slowly moved closer to me, as if I were an animal easily scared away. He extended a shaking hand out to meet the supple flesh of my core. The sight of his innocent blue eyes and light blush on his cheeks excited me. I wanted to teach him everything I knew. To make him a raging sex maniac. As soon as his fingers made contact with my pussy, I let out a sigh of pleasure. He looked at it intently, studying it, stroking and exploring.  _

_ “I thought you said you and Penny…” I trailed off, another sigh escaping me as he brushed my clit with his thumb. _

_ Sam’s blush deepened and he took his hand back. “We did. I’ve just...I’ve wanted to see yours for a while. It’s so...pink and wet.” _

_ I giggled and took his hand, placing one of his fingers on my clit and circling it lightly. “This will make it even wetter.” _

_ Sam kept the pace I’d shown him. Soon enough my hips were bucking and I was playing with my nipples to heighten my pleasure. I was getting close and I told him so, but even still he stopped. I opened my eyes and sat up with a huff, staring him down while trying to mask my annoyance.  _

_ “My wrist got a little tired,” he said sheepishly. “Sorry.” _

_ I felt compassion wash over me as he gave me that sorry look. He really was an amateur. I remembered my first time giving a handjob, my hand had gotten tired too. “You play the guitar,” I chided playfully. “Your wrists should be stronger.” _

_ “Do girls always take a long time to cum?” He asked innocently. _

_ I bristled at his question but I gave him a tight smile. He really knew how to kill the mood.  _

_ “All girls are different,” I explained. “Some need clitoral stimulation, others need penetration, others still might need both. In some cases, a girl can take 10 minutes to cum, for others an hour. Usually, the guy performs foreplay on the girl to get her ready to have penetrative sex.” _

_ “What kind of girl are you?” Sam gave me an eager look. _

_ I sat up and took his face in my hands. “Well, you kind of messed up my orgasm earlier.” I pressed a kiss onto his lips which he frantically returned. “Why don’t you use your tongue to get me back there again?” _

_ Sam’s kisses lessened and he pulled away slightly. “I don’t think I’m ready for that.” _

_ I gave him an understanding nod and another kiss on the lips. “Okay, no worries. Just know, that’s a really easy way to get me--and most girls--riled up.” _

_ Sam smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind.” _

_ The time for words was over, I was ready to cum. After not being taken care of the night before, I was determined to get an orgasm before him. That was the only way I’d get one. I took his hand again and forced it against me again, forcing him to do the rubbing motion I liked. I dipped my hand into his pants, gripping his throbbing erection and stroking it. He bit my lower lip as I did and dropped his finger from my clit once more.  _

_ “Mari,” he whispered. “I want to be inside you.” _

_ I shook my head, still stroking and kissing him. “Not without a rubber.” _

All this came back to me as I stood outside Gastro, my legs stinging with cold and my fingers growing more and more numb. Even though Alex and I had called the whole thing off, there was a massive Sam-sized hole in my heart filled to the brim with guilt. I would have to tell Alex everything, and after that, he more than likely wouldn’t want me anymore. The thought made my throat dry up and my chest tighten. 

“Are you okay?” I barely heard Alex ask. The distant thump of music from the club mixed with the loud honks of traffic. 

I looked into his green eyes, they were full of concern and glistening with emotion. My throat was still locked, so I couldn’t say anything. Instead, I shook my head and I buried my face into his chest, not caring if I stained his shirt with makeup. My stomach fluttered and the guilt I was feeling tripled. He loved me. For now at least. I breathed him in, committing his scent to memory. A violent shiver tore through me, the cold hitting me again. This time I couldn’t ignore it. 

“Let’s get you inside.” He kept his arm around me, leading me back inside Gastro. “Better?”

It was much warmer inside the club, but the cold had settled into my bones. I was still shivering and my fingers were burning. I nodded, still unable to talk.

Alex looked down at me, then looked at the stage. Sam and the band were just going into their second and final set. I couldn’t tell what song was playing, but it was their signature upbeat punk sound that I’d grown accustomed to. Penny was still front and center and Haley was next to her, dancing and flirting with the circle of boys around them. It seemed that life had snapped back to normal. It was as if Alex’s confession had fixed everyone’s problems. Except for one minor detail.

“We need to talk,” I finally croaked out. 

“I was about to say the same to you,” Alex answered. “I’ll call a taxi.”

“A taxi is so expensive.” The cash I’d brought wouldn’t cover the cost to get us back to Pelican Town, and I didn’t want to break out my credit card. “Why don’t we ask Pam if she can take us back?”

We looked around for Pam but we couldn’t catch sight of her. In fact, the only people I recognized from town were Haley and Penny. Had everyone left? I wondered if Sam had organized a plan to have her pick them up later. The stifling heat of the club was finally warming me up, though now I was close to sweating. Alex and I kept getting bumped and pushed aside, though he kept a firm grip around my waist. 

“Let’s just go,” he said, sounding overwhelmed. “It’s starting to get pretty crazy.”

I remembered that I was used to the hectic energy of the city, and the insane amounts of people. Alex was from a small town, and though he’d gone to school here, I could tell he preferred Pelican Town. I kept a tight grip on his arm and pulled him through the crowd to the coat check. As the clerk got my coat, Alex went out to flag down a taxi. I fought my way back out into the cold and zipped my windbreaker up as far as it would go. 

“Over here,” I heard him call. He was waving at me from a white cab and I hurried over. He helped me slide in first then came in after me. “Pelican Town please.”

“There’s a snow storm coming,” the driver answered. “Can’t go past city limits. Anywhere nearby I can drop you?”

Alex and I glanced at each other. He shrugged and I sighed. “Drop us at Zuzu Plaza,” I said.

The driver started the meter and we were on our way. Alex pulled me against him, wrapping his arms around my waist again. As warm as the heater was blowing, I didn’t mind his grip. In fact, I couldn’t get enough. I’d been starved for his touch and all I wanted to do was rip his clothes off. The driver kept peeking over at us through the rearview mirror, making me feel uncomfortable. Alex caught his glance and glowered, and the driver refocused on the street before us. Small flashes of my time with Sam interrupted the bliss I felt being with Alex again, and I reluctantly pulled away. He reached over to grab my hand, intertwining our fingers tightly. The guilt was becoming a tsunami. 

A few minutes later we reached Zuzu Plaza, a nice hotel that boasted city views and two five-star restaurants. Alex paid for the taxi but the look on his face as he studied the hotel told me he wasn’t sure he would be able to afford a room. I looked at the building with a determined look and led him in, assuring him that I had a plan. I searched the concierge desk for a familiar face. I was concerned briefly when I didn’t see Ryan but relaxed when I saw him walk out of the manager’s office. I breezed past the stuffy patrons tittering in the lobby and accepting complimentary glasses of champagne and arrived at the desk just as Ryan settled behind it.

“Hello,” he said, looking down at a binder. “Welcome to Zuzu Plaza.”

“Hey, Ryan.” My voice caused his head to snap up. “Nice to see you again.”

“Mari?” He squinted as if the sun was in his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“We’d like a room.” I gestured toward Alex who stood behind me silently. “There’s a snowstorm keeping us from going home.”

Ryan studied us for a moment, his eyes drifting from Alex to me then back. Finally, he logged into his computer. “King bed or tub?”

“Tub,” Alex spoke up. When I gave him a confused look he gave me a smarmy smile. “We can squeeze into a double.”

My cheeks burned and Ryan sighed deeply. “How many nights?”

“Just the one,” I answered. 

“Check out is at 12 PM. The complimentary brunch buffet starts at 9 and goes until 1.” Ryan typed furiously and quickly, when he finished he looked up at me. “That’s gonna be five twenty-six.”

Alex’s grasp on my hand tightened and I squeezed back to reassure. “And the discount?”

Ryan looked around, checking to see if anyone had overheard us. “You know I can’t do that.”

“You did it plenty of times when we were together,” I answered, batting my eyelashes. I had enough petty bitterness stored up for just the right hint of venom in my tone.

“You were my girlfriend,” he said. “I get a friends and family discount. Sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.”

I raised an eyebrow and frowned. “Surely you can do me a favor. I mean, you did cheat on me more than once with my best friend, that you got pregnant I might add. Not only that, but you barely ever made me orgasm, you stunk up the bed with your smelly pork farts, and asked me to shave your back more than once.”

Ryan’s eyes widened as I listed off all his dirty secrets. He kept glancing around, making sure no one overheard us. I could tell, however, that the concierge on the other side of the desk was listening intently though she was pretending to wipe the counter down.

I gave him my sweetest smile. “If you give us that discount, I’ll let that all go and even send Lena and the baby a nice gift.”

Ryan let out a defeated sigh and typed in the discount, swiped my card, then gave us both keycards. “Enjoy your stay.”

I smirked as I took the key card from his hand and blew him a kiss. “You’re a doll. Give my best to Lena.”

“Thanks, man,” Alex added. We moved to leave but Alex looked over his shoulder and opened his mouth. “I’ll be able to give her all those orgasms you never could in that nice jacuzzi tub.”

Ryan’s cheeks flushed with rage but before he could say anything else, another customer showed up and he composed himself enough to help them. Alex let out a devilish laugh as my own cheeks flushed with embarrassment. I avoided Ryan’s eyes as Alex guided me to the elevator. We made it up to our floor and to our room. Once we passed the heavy mahogany door, Alex’s jaw hit the ground. The room was beautiful as usual, as I’d been at the Plaza many times before. It was immaculately all white save for the massive black tub near the far floor to ceiling windows that gave us a beautiful view of the city. On the dining table was a wine bucket with a bottle of champagne chilling. Two crystal flutes sat nearby a silver tray of chocolate-covered strawberries and a charcuterie board.

“So this is how the other half lives, huh?” Alex explored the room, carefully running his hands over polished marble tabletops and playing with the smart remote that controlled the blinds, TV, and air conditioner. “I could get used to this.”

I hung up my windbreaker in the closet near the entrance and kicked off my heels. My feet throbbed and there were welts around my ankles and toes. As cute as those shoes were, they were torture on my feet. I walked over to the cushy bed, though it wasn’t a king, it was definitely roomier than my full-size bed at home. I threw myself onto the perfectly white sheets, the duvet puffing up around me like a souffle. Alex jumped in after me, face first. 

“These sheets smell like lavender,” he said, taking another breath. “And it’s already warm.”

“They have heating pads built into the beds,” I explained. “Now, if you’d hurry up and get signed to a team, you, Evelyn and Gus can live like this.”

Alex lifted his face out of the covers and pulled me against him. “Only if you come with me.”

I cringed at his words and pulled away again. Sitting up from the bed, I made my way over to the dining table. “Maybe.”

Alex sat up, watching me walk away. “Just maybe?” He asked, his words painted with hurt.

I nodded once, sitting at the table. Though we were together right now, we still needed to talk. We couldn’t just pick up where we’d left off, especially once Alex found out about my time with Sam. He’d be better off with some cheerleader who worked out and ate quinoa. Not a cheating whore like me. I internally chided myself as I thought the word cheating. I didn’t cheat, and yet I felt like I did. I’d held out for months, waiting to see him again, for him to say sorry. I wish I had waited longer, then maybe I’d be happy.

“What’s going through your head?” He asked, still sitting on the bed. 

“A lot,” I answered.

“Any of it good?” He asked hopefully.

“No,” I sighed.

“Uh oh,” Alex answered. 

He took his seat across from me. I fiddled with a fallen strawberry leaf while he twiddled his thumbs. Seems like the two of us were having trouble finding the words we needed to say to each other.

“So,” I began. “Back there you said that...that you loved me.”

Alex gave me a shy look then looked back down at his hands. “I do.”

My heart fluttered as he spoke and a shudder went up my spine. “I feel the same way about you.”

“I know.” Alex looked at me again giving me a sad smile. “I’ve known since that day at the beach.” He took a shaky breath. “Knowing that you loved me scared me. After Haley, I didn’t want to love anyone else. I didn’t want to be cheated on and get my heart broken again. I convinced myself that you had Sam on the back burner in case I wasn’t available, but we weren’t even exclusive. I was so jealous. Even in the beginning when we came up with our agreement.”

The guilt left me and I felt confused all of a sudden. “You were jealous from all the way back then?”

He nodded. “You were so infatuated with Sam. I didn’t understand why you liked him so much, especially while I was around.”

At that, I rolled my eyes and tried to keep the smile off my face.

“I know that sounds conceited,” he said quickly. “But that was at first. You were new in town and so adorable and I wanted to get to know you. I’m not great at first impressions, and I know I act like an ass but I do it to protect myself.” Alex’s lips formed into a hard line. “I wondered who you were and asked Haley about you but that just pissed her off. I thought that if I had sex with you, I could get over what I was thinking.”

“But after that first time, I was hooked,” he continued. “You fit so perfectly into me. But it’s not just the sex or that you’re beautiful. It’s that you’re so full of drive when it comes to your farm, and you work so hard. You’re kind to others and I see what a great friend you are, even to Sam.”

My heart was racing in my chest as he spoke. Pure love and affection for the man before me ran through my veins. I could barely contain myself. I wanted to throw myself at him and show him how much I’d missed him. 

Alex stood from his seat and walked around the table to kneel before me. He took my hands in his and kissed them. “I hurt you all those months ago. I wanted to talk to you at the Harvest Festival, but then I saw how close you and lover boy were and I lost my nerve. Then Sebastian told me you two were dating and that pissed me off even more.”

I felt my throat lock again, but I cleared it. “The only person I could think of the entire time Sam and I were together--and even before then-- was you,” I answered. “You haunted my thoughts and my dreams. I wanted to run to you, but I didn’t want to apologize for something I hadn’t done. It was unfair of you to assume things and to never discuss what you were thinking. I held on to hope that you would come to your senses, but you never did.”

Alex kissed my hands again. “I’m a fucking mess, Mari. I’ve been a mess for months. I’m so sorry for what I put you through.” He then cupped a hand against my cheek. “I’ll be open and honest from now on. I’ll tell you everything I’m thinking. Please forgive me.”

I swallowed hard, trying to clear the lump in my throat but I just felt it get bigger. “And you call me dramatic.”

He chuckled. “Yeah well...Do you forgive me or not?”

“Only if you can forgive me,” I whispered. 

“Of course I forgive you,” he answered quickly, then he gave me a serious look. “Wait, forgive you for what?”

I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to hide my panic. “For having sex with Sam.”

Alex let go of my hands and I watched as his shoulders dropped. He got up to look out the massive windows. “How long were you guys together like that?”

“These past two weeks,” I forced myself to answer. “But it only happened four times. And it wasn’t penetrative sex.”

He kept his back to me, and I watched his shoulders rise with a sigh. “Well, I guess that’s not as bad as I thought.”

I moved to stand next to him, keeping my distance. As much as I wanted to touch him again, his body language told me he was furious with me. “Have you been with anyone since we…?” I trailed off.

Alex shook his head as I studied his profile. “Only self-care.”

“Not even with Haley?” I asked, surprise coloring my voice. “I saw you guys sneaking off at the Luau.”

He shook his head again. “I couldn’t do it. I knew it wouldn’t feel the same.”

The guilt I’d been feeling crashed over me, filling me despair and disgust at myself. He hadn’t been with anyone and I went ahead and tried to be intimate with someone else. Even though I didn’t think Alex and I would’ve gotten back together after all these months, and we were broken up, I still felt awful. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t know.”

Another sigh tore through him, then he finally turned his head to look at me. “If I’d been less of an idiot, I could have saved us a lot of trouble.”

He definitely had a point, but it still didn’t erase what I felt and what I had done. 

“What did you two do?” He asked.

“Heavy petting, oral, kissing,” I listed off, feeling my cheeks burn with shame. “But it doesn’t compare to what you and I got up to. He didn’t even make me cum.” I sighed and looked down at my feet. “I feel awful about it, but we weren’t together. I just thought I should be honest with you.”

Alex nodded once, staring out the window again. He didn’t say anything, not that there was anything left to say anyway. The gross feeling of guilt lingered and I was itching for a scalding shower. I hoped that it would wash away Sam’s stain on my body, but Alex’s face told me otherwise.

“I’m gonna clean up and warm up,” I said, turning on my heel. “Maybe you can order us something to eat? I’m starving.”

“Pizza sound good?” He asked, avoiding my eyes. “Cheese, right?”

I nodded, a small smile coming to face as he remembered my preference for a basic pizza. “Yeah. Call Andre’s. They have the best deep dish in the city.”

He remained stoic as I moved toward the bathroom. I could feel his eyes burning into me as I was walking. My worst fears had come to pass. As soon as I’d told him about me and Sam, he decided he wanted nothing to do with me. I didn’t blame him. If he’d done the same I--No, I still would take him back. An aching pit formed in my stomach as I peeled my skin-tight dress off me and stepped into the shower. I turned it up as hot as I could get it, but the temperature did nothing to erase the guilt. The man I loved was just outside the bathroom, and I was completely convinced he didn’t want anything to do with me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so so much for reading. I know it's super short and probably full of grammatical mistakes, but I got it out. I also recently posted a prologue for a light novel I've been writing since last year on this site. If you guys could go check it out and give me some feedback on it I would really appreciate it(but you don't have to, I'm not your mom). You can find it on my works page under the name "Isla Isekai". As for this fanfic, I'll keep writing it and the next post will be a lot longer. Once again thanks for reading and let me know what you think in the comments below. Cheers!  
> -Pandi


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